Homeschool is Love

New Blog

2009-02-22T09:57:00.000-08:00

Thank you everyone who has faithfully followed this blog for over 2 years! after an important psychological breakthrough moment, I have consolidated all 4 of my blogs into one, called HouseFairy. Please join me over there for continuing discussions of ALL things Homeschooly, Birthy, Homemakingy, Fashiony, Rock n Rolly, and all things intelligent happy sad funny cool unique dreamy inspiring supportive contemplative and beyond!

www.breastandbellyblog.blogspot.com

Warmly,
your Housefairy,
MamaJoy

Go on ahead and make up your own universe?

2009-01-22T14:20:00.000-08:00

I posted a big/little tirade today on my homeschool board list about parents and schools that apparently are not only allowing "creative" spelling, but ENCOURAGING it. I do not understand what this could possibly be about but I want to know more. I think it sounds so stupid and ridiculous and smacks a bit to me of the "Afraid to upset junior" bull-archy. Or maybe I just misunderstood the whole thing.

I was waiting for a bunch of people to flame me and to give me big guilt inducing stories about their kid who has difficulties with reading/writing/spelling and I was ready to accept criticism and...no one wrote anything so far! Grr now I feel even weirder. I wonder if they think I am so horrible or if no one wants to rock the boat so to speak and give me hell or agree with me. there is alot of EXTRA, ULTRA HYPER Sensitivity and even though this "community" doesn't seem to get together as a whole or even a fraction, ever, there is alot of super mega tippy-toeing and it ends up that no one writes much of anything "about homeschooling".

I would like to live in a culture/subculture of healthy disagreement and debate and respect, but I understand why this is often impossible.

Anyhow, this is what I said on my list, in reference to encouraging younger kids to make up spellings. Tell me what you think?

There is nothing wrong with telling your child "Wow, that's exactly how I think it should be spelled, too! But its actually N-E-I-G-H! Isn't that strange? English is a really quirky language, huh?" I think in an effort not to upset our kids, or to make them think everything they do is correct, even when it is not,we have gone so far as to be "afraid" to break to them the news that there is an English Language and it is not something Mommy or Daddy made up to make you sad or frustrated, but it is something that is just a TRUTH. There will be frustrations and disappointments along our lives, like if its raining and you really, really wished it was sunny. But the only actual trauma, in my opinion, would be to have to find out outside of the home, perhaps later in life, that yep, Neigh is spelled neigh and why couldn't Mom have just told me so? I have found that even the youngest children prefer truth, and usually without a lot of fancy apologies or worry surrounding it. Now this being said, there is a context of course. If some little kid made you a Valentine's card and you immediately corrected it, I think that would be unnecessary/rude/insensitive. But if a child asked me, "Did I spell everything right, Mama?" I would tell them "Well, since you asked, it looks like you accidentally left the N out of the word Valentine, but everything else was spelled perfectly!" and that's that. Its not mean. Some children might do well with having "Spelling" be some separate entity, and some will just pick it up with exposure to the written word. But to sit down and encourage made up spellings --(am I correct in this being what is happening?) is just completely bizarre to me and really worries me for the child who would think that everything--including our very dialect--could or should be altered to fit their personal comfort level. Maybe make up examples of how everyday living would cease to be if things were not in a common language, and how basic sets of rules (Stop light is red, big blue H sign means Hospital) help us all live. Also, if the child is just crying and freaking out and is convinced that they "Cannot Spell!" they might be a little young/not ready for it and might need a break from that stuff for a while. Better a little later, properly, than to mix a kid up....how long would the creative spelling phase last and then how/when to end it? I think its doing a child a disservice and setting up bad habits for no reason other than to avoid temporary discomfort or frustration. Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe we are talking about just letting some stuff slide when the kid is really working deeply on writing a story or something. Then yes, dont interrupt or discourage the creative process. But when the whole adventure is finished, and enjoyed, it would not only be ok to then go on to have the "proofreading" portion then (like all authors! even JK Rowling! give reassuring examples, "Mommy uses spell check, would you like to try it?") but it can show your child that you really value what they have written.

My 200th post!

2009-01-20T08:01:00.000-08:00

Here is one more old one, another pro-life-learning type of thingy. Enjoy!

Enjoy some oldies?

2009-01-20T07:20:00.000-08:00

Here are some oldies but goodies back when, lets face it, I used to be a better writer. they say having a baby ruins your brain---or something---well in 2006 I must have got a hold of some good coffee because I had a lot to say and now I just sort of sit here and nurse and I can sort of read magazines and I can sort of remember to click the spell check button.......Zen Mama its ok, your brain will come back! (Right????)

One on how kids really learn and the massive diff. between Teach and Learn.

One on my thoughts on preschool and how I wish there was preschool for old kids, too.

My thoughts on gender stuff as it pertains to kids.

My thoughts on having a college degree and then "just being a mommy"

Homechooled kids are normal-er than school kids.

2009-01-18T17:17:00.000-08:00

Even though I just wrote on Kneelingwoman's blog that homeschool "support" groups are pretty unnecessary, I certainly am no stranger to them. I have spent alot of time around homeschooled children of all 'types'. From formal, school-at-home types who do long daily lessons around the dining room table, to life-learning/unschooling types whose children follow their own path and pursuits, from huge families where babies and toddlers seem to be popping up in every corner, teenagers and medium kids and mom is always pregnant to the only child whose parents' sole existence seems to be this child and his or her special lessons, special outings, etc---from extremely conservative 'protect the kids from the outside influences/TV is the devil' types to extremely liberal families who allow 100% freedom of exposure to Television/movies and really, everywhere in between....there are so many more similarities among the kids of families who are raising them outside of the School System than there are differences, it is just--glorious to behold, really! I have also spent a lot of time with schooled kids. I was one, i babysat them, i see them and i watch them. On the playgrounds, on the streets, in the stores and in my yard. They operate under the most intense stress and fake ness and i pity them all. The way they play tentativly in the summer with a kid of another gender or age reminds me seriously of some olden times thing where a little white child played in secret with a little black child--- or german with jew or any other artifical horrible adult made constraint that children feel and yet do not want to be a part of--this is school kids to me. they know the "deal" but they hate it.

As you all know, we jumped right in there and did public school this year, for a couple of months and yep, it was just how I thought it would be---different, but not. It was all day immersion in a huge vat of mainstream kids of your exact age from your neighborhood. It was the polar opposite of exposure to anything real. In our neighborhood, it was all white kids from middle middle class whose parents were all friends who were born and raised here. Woo-woo, such socialization!

School kids learn right from the start that kids who are younger than yourself are sucky, inferior, lower, lesser, and of lower value and an embarrassment to be seen with. When Greta would SNEAK and play with Casey on the playground, she would get in big trouble for playing outside of her grade (even got "benched"!) and got teased soundly for such strange behavior. She never got to play with Mickey on the playground because they did not have coinciding recess times.

then of course there is no playing with kids who are not your gender. Lest they be INSTANTLY proclaimed to be your BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND. This leads to an intensification of girls play with pink and boys play with blue-black-red and anything outside of these arbitrary constraints is instantly suspect and up for diagnosis as GAY (=bad).

I am not able to write the way I want to, I feel so passionately about these things but my new mama brain is soft and gentle and I guess my soap box days are still in the future....please be patient with me, I know I anot exactly getting published anytime soon with these ramblings....

But the kids at our homeschool group are just great. Thats all Im tryin to say. These BIG teenaged boys were being really silly and doing all kinds of horseplay stuff and the littler kids jumped right in and nobody batted an eyelash! Girls and boys eat lunch happily on the ground and draw furious-speed cartoons and lavish Harry Potter-esque stories as they laugh and share stories "I LOVE Root Beer, too! " and nobody tries to make it some sexual weird thing.

The big kids play with the little kids or at least are very kind and tolerant of them as they breeze by with their little hotwheels cars, etc. Some boy who looked about 16 was playing a Cello and Casey stared at him from about 2 feet away for a good 15 minutes and the boy didnt mind one bit and when he was done he offered Casey his bow! Casey blushed and declined, but his eyes were very sparkly the rest of the afternoon and he went up in his bed and made a little "cello" out of cardboard and strings.

I love homeschooled kids and think that they are NORMAL. I feel so so sorry for all the kindergartners, entering into the weird weird world of separatism.

Sunday eve

2009-01-18T17:07:00.001-08:00

I am behind on my daily blogging--so we must be nice and busy....

Friday's Homeschool Co-Op was cool--Greta had Metric Math which she found to be lackluster, but the handout is something her and I can do at home if we would like. Mickey's Math Games class was enjoyable to him and he made a flip-chart number line which he likes.

Casey and Charlie's watercoloring class got cancelled since the instructor was sick, so they were kind of bummed but we brought our marble tower stuff to share and had a nice time playing with that. Casey in particular has gone from a coo-coo disobedient little hooligan (nice mom huh?) to a genuine joy to behold. He shares, he is super articulate, he is respectful and reasonable and thoughtful and --wow. He was so sweet and patient with the kids at the group, I am very pleased with his progress in all areas.

We ate lunch there, yummy food someone made, soups and salads and brownies and little bottled root beers (why is stuff so yummy and fun in tiny glass bottles?) and we got out in time to get Steve only about 20 minutes after he got out of work (He only works until 1pm every other Friday...then the next week he works until 6pm Friday and then 1/2 day Saturday-- I hate those weeks!)

Yesterday (Saturday) was "family fun" and we did have fun, hanging around and today Greta, Eska and I went to a baby shower of a close friend. Now Steve is out watching football with the Dad-to-be of said baby, and I am catchin up on blogs and emails and we even got grocery day done despite the MAJOR MAJOR snow. Even though it is January in Michigan, the plows just cannot keep up and all major roads are just white--even the expressways! Very treacherous.

Tomorrow is our homeschool-day and I guess we will do all the work for the classes and some boy scout stuff.
Hope you all are staying warm and safe!
mamaJoy

A side note on the Contented Mama...

2009-01-15T14:13:00.001-08:00

....okay so, so far I have been completely honest with y'all about what we do. And I am realizing that it isnt sinful or weird and that nobody is upset that we arent crackin the books 24-7 right now. But the guilt and strangeness is still there---you know what it is? It is a LACK of upset that I am feeling as a grown woman, the utter LACK of stress and anxiety and fear and doing things for the imagined watchdog that has me feeeling so free and happy that I wonder if this is really it and if I have actually reached Enlightenment, Zen, and--dare I say it, Happiness, do I shout it out to the world like some big annoying born-again or do I keep it to myself like a warm little secret?

Hey today I decided to take a good long look at everfything that caused me to yell at the kids yesterday and do something differently. Yesterday it was BE QUIET! THE BABY IS SLEEPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today I just held her through her naps. Yep! How spoiled! The dishes sat very quietly and the baby was happy and the Mama didnt yell and everyone's domino towers got looked at!

I am telling you, I am so happy. We just live and love and hang around doing cool stuff. And I really am appreciating the baby and the roses are getting smelled and it is just glorious. As I sit here in snowman pajama pants eating triscuits-in-hummous, with a tall glass of fake Sprite from Aldi, dominos and children EVERYWHERE, I am seriously so happy I feel like pink sunlight is shooting out of my fingers and toes. If I could describe what we do right now it would be that I am truly, truly, WITH CHILD(ren). I am with them. I am here for them. But not in some innaproprite way where I ask them if I can make a phone call---no--on the contrary, I have been more firm and unapologetic about what will and wont go on than ever before. So my no's mean no and my yeses are true and happy ones--no resentful martyrdom here, and everyone seems so happy happy happy in there firm and known roles and rythms and habits. Peace!

but this was a long hard fought battle against so many demons, am I in a position yet to try and tell others how-to yet? Not at all. SO I can just keep up the honest daily reports and see what happens.

(To the people who have asked me about television, I promise my opinions on that are coming soon)

Wednesday

2009-01-15T14:05:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what we did yesterday. I know we played for hours and hours with those old time-y Animal Cards---do you guys remember those, my Mom used to order me some new ones each month and I never ever have the heart to throw them away. Do you know, with the Genus, species, Family, Order, Class and Phylum, and the ever so intriguing Gestation, Number of Young, Adult Weight, Length, Height and Approx lifespan?

ooh we had fun. First we (Me and Greta and somewhat Casey and Mickey) separated them into all these groupings...some scientific and some completely subjective such as Scary, Gross, Adorable, Rare, Mean, and Boring. LOL! them we invented a big dice rolling game with the animals and ummm there was lots of Math involved. So much our heads were spinning and we were sort of becoming victims of our own convoluted game plans. Making a game is really really hard! Making a FUN game is almost impossible! But we did have fun.

the boys worked on Dominos and we all played Wii Music for a while. It is fun and there are "lessons" with lots of real musical terms like Tone, Harmony, Pitch, Cadence, Rhythm, Melody, Tempo, Dissonance etc to keep the educational component really at the forefront. I hope as we get further into this game it gets...funner? It is cool but not like you are dying to play it or anything. I am kind of surprised. But time will tell.

We played with our rabbit and...cooked? I don't know. It was just a cozy day.

Tuesday...no theme really

2009-01-14T16:53:00.000-08:00

We had a three-kid dental appointment today that was VERY difficult. In order to have the car, Steve had to bring it home at lunch, then we drove him back and then came home and sat for 45 minutes. Then we went to the dentist, and it took 2 hours all considered. Exhausting. Cant even tell you. Then we had about an hour and a half until we had to go get Steve from work again so we decided to pass the time at Jungle Java again. Kind of a mistake. Too much work and I was feeling very postpartumish with insides falling out and cant stand up all the way and ripping tummy....bummer. That dentist trip, I cant even tell you. three kids in three different rooms, with me running back and forth between each one carrying the baby....had to carry Charlie (never cool he weighs 48 pounds) all the way in due to an extreme tantrum, had to throw him in the dentist , with Greta, had her barricade him in so I could run back through the snow and get the other three kids.....

anyhow by the time we got Steve I was too hurt to go to the Big Boy Scout Pack meeting OR take Greta to Girl Scouts. We had had no dinner by 7pm. I was ordered to bed by Steve while he and the kids cleaned and I rested with the baby. He is an angel. We all ate a late tv-tray meal and yes we watched American Idol try outs. Im not ashamed.....well kind of....but its SO FUNNY!

Exhausting day.

Monday, home-school

2009-01-12T16:46:00.000-08:00

Today we did our schoolwork. Greta had plenty to do for her co-op class in the form of keeping records, looking up definitions to spelling and vocab words, and reading. Mickey and I did his online math together and read 4 chapters in the book he is doing. It is called The Whipping Boy and is an old time fairy tale type, full of princes and stuff. Seems cool! He also had some vocab words and spelling to do and I had them sit with me and look at the new poetry book and I read outloud to them for a long time. Casey did some first grade worksheets and needed minimal help, and Charlie got all into the vibe of it and filled in piles of shapes worksheets.

We do NO TV/Video Games on our school day, and they didnt even ask or fuss (well, no more than a couple of times in the afternoon)

Mickey's friend (he is ALL of our friend, for sure, but he is an 8 year old boy so I will classify him as Mickeys friend : )) came over around 4 pm and they played out in the snow with Casey for over an hour! It was so cool to see them on the swingset -- in the deep snow, no one has played on it for a few months--but there they were, swinging and jumping off--at least they had a foot of fluff to land in! We were sad to see him have to go home, but it was perfect timing for dinner.

More downsizing and cleaning this evening with me and Daddy, watched some dumb comedian and fell asleep : )

Sunday, homecare

2009-01-11T16:35:00.000-08:00

This morning I made my grocery list in bed, with no coffee for my weary brain--but I did it still, another wonderfully healthy menu, to send Mickey and Daddy to the grocery store(s) with. I am getting so good at this!

They were gone a long time and when they were gone, I prepped the house to receive the new food. I cleaned the kitchen, appliances and floor. We even rolled up the rug so they wouldn't traipse in snow clumps. They did bring my beloved coffee and I was glad to have it. I get bad headaches without my caffeine. We spent the rest of the day hanging out, going through more stuff and "downsizing" (putting it in garbage bags or donation bags) and had a lovely dinner of middle eastern food.

These nice new habits and this schedule have had a remarkable effect on the children. their attitudes are so light and healthy now, instead of all this seething sarcasm and angry brattiness that I have seen for months. Everyone is pretty okay with helping and likes to check the chart and to see that yup, it says Casey and Charlie bathtime, and by golly, there they are in the bath! Hmmm....routine? LOVE it. Really, really love it.

Saturday

2009-01-10T16:26:00.000-08:00

Today Daddy worked until 2pm. When he got home, we all helped ready the house for "the Guys" to come over and play board games. We got to hang out with them some and then I took the little boys on a snow walk in the dark. It was magical--the kind of night walk where you whisper, out of reverence--yeah even Charlie. It was a nice day.

After 33 years of living in Michigan and dreading the whole part of once you get back in the house with those darn wet snow clothes on, I finally got wise: We had an empty hamper waiting for us in the entryway. Take off everything you have and place in hamper. Walk down and put it all in the dryer. Drink Cocoa. Genius!

Friday: Homeschool Co-Op

2009-01-09T16:19:00.000-08:00

I loved it! The kids loved it! Yay!

Today we started day one of our weekly homeschool classes/co-op. Greta is enrolled in a class called Science and Writing Through Great Books, and there is a lot of prep work. She did all of it and enjoyed the 2 hour course. she got to dissect a real starfish and did a lot of very junior high level stuff. They are reading Kipling's Just So Stories, The Island of The Blue Dolphins, The Secret Garden, and one other book. The teacher is a homeschool mom of 5, a medical student, and very cool person.

Mickey had a class called Tales of Wonder, which is a language arts course. They are reading poems, and a few other classics.

Casey and Charlie and Eska and I hung out in a little room and they played really nicely with the other little kids and with toys. Then we had lunch which we brought from home, but we can buy it there we just didnt know...and then I did my co-op duty which was cleaning after lunch and then we left....but Greta remained behind to take Art History and then the teacher brought her home since they live nearby.

Very fun! I met a cool mom who is expecting her fourth girl, and got to chat with my Trish : ) and with an old friend whom I have missed. it was as warm and friendly and cozy and welcoming as could be.

Next Friday Greta has a class called metric math, and Mickey has Math Games. Them Casey and Charlie have Watercolors class. Should be darling!

Greta has a HUGE report and presentation due in 2 weeks.

I think this is perfect. Once a week. Pictures soon!

Thursday: field trip

2009-01-08T16:10:00.000-08:00

Today we went to Jungle Java--this is an amazingly fun place that truly must have been invented by a mom. It is basically a playscape--a HUGE one, that is surrounded by a carpeted plush-armchaired-leather sofa atmosphere that serves coffee, healthy stuff like pita wraps and salads and little kid treats like cheese and apples and goldfish crackers.

The last time we went I met a bunch of other homeschooling moms from my area! It was so cool! They were talking about breastfeeding and swapping little Waldorfy cookbooks--I knew we would hit it off and we did. They wanted to know whose awesome kid made up "Lets Hide From the Government" game that had every child in the place all quiet....it was my Greta and we were fast friends! I felt a little weird just plunking myself down in the middle of their lady hang out but they seemed to not mind me so it felt like I knew them forever.....well, they were there again today! I was kind of hoping that it was them, I saw some Birth Is Normal bumper sticker in the parking lot and had a ray of hope ;)

the kids run and play for HOURS--even mopey (lately) Mickey and sophisticated (lately) Greta are running and climbing and squealing and crashing back to my happy place in the big soft armchair with my Eska-Bean-A tucked into her happy nursey land, begging me for pop--free refills--one buck keeps us hydrated all afternoon!

It was a wonderful visit. I met FOUR women who had homebirths recently, so the movement is alive and well in my area, although I only had heard of two of the midwives, one lady had a U/C and the others were new names. Interesting. I am not in a head space to get back into all that but I was happy to see so many nursing Mamas and hear homebirth as such a common choice.

I love Thursdays as our outing days. Next Thursday we are going to go visit my mom!

Wednesday...one of the very unschooly days but full of laughter and activity

2009-01-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday was my big laundry day. We are downsizing and I am enjoying taking out "everything that you are not ECSTATIC to see in your dresser drawer" : ) This was what I asked of my children and husband, so I got rid of (Salvation Army) a LOT of clothes and weird ugly blankets and such.

Greta and Mickey played around on the Guitar Hero for a while in the morning as me and the littlest three hung out in the basement. Casey asked to hear "rock and roll" so I put on Os Mutantes. Super weird brazilian 60s stuff. I love them listening to cool stuff. Eska jumped and jumped in her jumpy while the littlest boys set up some crazy thing that involved duplos as bowling and rolling them down the stairs.

Lunch was nachos and since I am being really hardcore about meals and not snacking and such anymore (more later on that, maybe on Hearth and Home blog?) they were all super hungry and not a complaint! It was nice to have a lunch without griping fussing picking and requests for goofy alternate meals. EVERYONE helped clear the table if they wanted to play Sorry Sliders with me...a little board game that involves rolling pawns to score, almost like curling.

At one oclock the bell rang (I am using a little wind up alarm clock in conjunction with a little egg timer lately for Lunch, Nap, Nap Is Over, Sharing, Clean up Time, Dinner, Bath, Bed....it is working and they even think it is fun!) I took Charlie upstairs to his nap and Greta and Mickey settled in to finish their thank you cards for their Christmas presents. This small project has taken along time and I was done allowing them to procrastinate, so it was time to do that. they looked up the addresses/zip codes that always seem to elude me and we had a chat about the Post Office and how quaint and amazing it all is. Then as Eska needed a nursing and as the kids are STILL rather sick, we agreed to make a "big blanket puff" in the front room for resting for one hour and watching Wall-E, a new pixar film that is really really cute and wholesome and has a cool message that is very easy to "get" about taking care of Earth and such. Eska sleeps very well if she can nurse and then just be held asleep in my arms and so we did that.

At around 3:30 I announced "no more electronics" and nobody fussed. Greta said something sassy about How she guessed we were supposed to just sit there and look at each other and I cheerily said that that was one option! And then I went and washed up the dishes by hand. We are using the dishwasher only once a night, right before bed now. I have no idea if this saves or wastes water but this is what we are doing. Eska played in the big blanket puff and loved it, and soon the "bored" kids had made up a big game pretending they were running an animal daycare and Charlie and Eska were the naughty cats, etc.

We did our 4:30 clean up and noone fussed--Mickye needs some guidance and so I tell him "you fold all those quilts and put them on the couch" whereas Casey and Greta can just tidy up a place without a meltdown. Charlie was being very wild and so he had some highchair time with his cool magnet tangrams from his auntie for xmas gift. He ended needing an impromptu bath which served as a great playpen for about 1/2 hour for a dirty sticky tot. He is so sweet in the bath, unlike his older brothers at that age whose sole intent was to flood the universe, he plays very cool little games with cars and cups and balls and never splashes. For real!

I started making dinner right at 5, another one of my "resolutions" and Greta helped somewhat although I encouraged her to keep up the cat-daycare-game rather than burn all the tofu. I said it nicely though! she did perfectly cook the broccoli and seems to all of a sudden want to cook with me because I am gracious and cheerful and not put out and crabby, most likely.

Steve got home lateish (5:40 and he works 5 miles from home...the traffic!!!) and we had a nice meal of tofu, mashed potatoes and gravy, canned corn and broccoli. Strange combo but everyone gobbled because, again, we did not have 4 oclock pig out.

Greta, Mickey and Daddy clean the dinner mess while I gave Casey a bath and popped Eska in there, too, since she was a bit grody--she can go in that little baby bath ring thing now and she LOVES it. By the time I got her out and did the cream and powder and diaper and outfit and all, Casey had appeared in my doorway frozen wet naked (he never gives warning or asks to be done he just gets out! argg!) and so I got him all set with pajamas and teeth and took him up for a story. He was asleep by 7! Efficiency, I tell ya, we are doing so well lately....Charlie was in bed by 8 but did yell for a little while. "I dont wanna go bed" seemed to be the theme. I have no idea how Casey can sleep through that, but he does!

Greta and Mickey started their basement hang out at 8pm and Steve and I chatted and tidied and puttered about. I showed him all I had done in the basement and we went in our bedroom and talked about Life while I nursed the baby and then at 9:30 Greta and Mickey went off to their beds, with the admonition of complete lights out by 10.

Steve and I watched funny tv shows and cuddled for a while on the soggy old couch until our backs couldnt take it anymore then we hit the hay. A Lovely day!

2009

2009-01-06T13:18:00.001-08:00

Hello and happy new year! It has been a while, huh?

Although I was all primed to start blogging EVERYDAY, showcasing that my kids were TOTALLY STILL "LEARNING", appeasing and assuaging all my nay-sayers and dissaprovers both real and mostly imagined, life got in the way. Life got in the way of me embarrassing myself, mentally abusing my kids, and losing my mind in a whirlwind of burn-out within weeks if not days.

I went out with my wise Mama-friend who put out there what I knew, knew, knew, (if only my intuition hadnt been so bruised, buried, hidden, inaccessible, feared, neglected) and that was to lightly and delicately suggest A BIG WINTER BREAK
duh
duh
duh
duh

When I arrived at Starbucks I was literally hunched over, as though in a frozen grief, so physical was my stress, so lost and upside down, bass-ackwards was our homelife--great, we've all dropped out of school and now what? NOW WHAT? when you've lost your way and all the paths have clover'ed and spiral around and all paths have failed you for 5 months, things can get pretty scary, and yet her suggestion to just chill for a while seemed radical to me. But I knew it was right.

Immediately, as in the next day, my kids had a doctors appointment that was really stressful, and when we arrived home, we could literally do nothing besides chill out....and you know what? It started a revolution in the home. The kids got sicker, I threw out my back, and we chilled out for A MONTH.

Now, this feels less like some naughty confession now that it has passed, but thats just what I am trying to say: Why must we hide truth, why must we hide What Works, only to allude to it later?

I was at a crossroads. We pulled all the kids out of school, and I found in a mad dash, a TON of cool educational websites. I was ready to pound their souls into the pavement to PROVE something to NOBODY, to make our home a literal Dentention Center--lists, charts, threats, bribes, by golly nobody could ever say this wasnt better than elementary school ever again

But it was ridiculous. It was the most awful , arbitrary, fake, stressful, yucky thing I have ever tried to do to my kids, ever. It was the same as elementary school, except the teacher was meeeeeeeean.

Education is not something you DO TO kids. Knowledge is not something you spray ONTO them. We chilled out at first because we had to, and then because peace and love was the only way we could heal all of what this family has been through in the past 6 months, year, beyond.

Now, we are slowly retrying a "schedule" that really works. For us all. My children have demonstrated to the entire world their capability to pick up whatever little trivia or skill-set that is asked of them. But as well all know, none of that is important, because none of it is meaningful, and none of it lasts. So we are starting over. New Mama (me), new respect for one another, new self respect, no more bribes, coercion, uglyness.

We have joined a homeschool co-op that starts this Friday. I am looking forward to telling you all about it. We go on outings on Thursdays that can count as field trips. Mondays we are saving for our cool websites and as the one day a week we are doing XYand Z that Mama has decided we need to work on. But the rest of the time is for family living, and I mean just that. I am excited to start over for 2009 and come out of the closet as neither an unschooler nor someone who tries to replicate the meaningless pressurized to-do lists of the school system. this is our homeschool, and for the first time in a long time, ANGER is not sitting at our table with us.

I am sorry to be so vague, and I know you might be clamoring for BUT WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY? I know, I know, I know--I search too for those types of 1-2-3 success recipes, but they are fools gold. All I know is that we are happy and kind and reading and writing and yes, on Mondays, they are doing the math website that I found and are above grade level, for what thats worth.

I DO want to post everyday--but I had to out myself first. It isnt going to look like what I know would have impressed certain folks. I am not posting pic after pic of my kid bent over some worksheet. and we do not have the car or money to travel the world looking at pyramids very often, either. But the children are thriving, safe, open, and our vibe is good and warm again. Casey 100% has ceased all weird behavior for now and we are no longer pursuing any type of therapy for him. I got a little flip-type video camera for xmas and as soon as we figure out how, this will become a video blog at times, too--very fun!

I hope my theme for 2009 of honesty and unapologetic-ness will be a place where you can come for laughs, insight, and a glimpse at a very normal family who happens to choose to live extraordinarily out of the box.

For those who would like:
this is our math

this is our library when we have no car (most days i am way too lazy and cold to drive daddy to work)

and what the kids play constantly is: Dominoes! But not line-up-the-numbers, no, building with them. Grand towers. Ramps, tunnels, marble-runs set ups.....they started in early November and have not had one day in which they have not worked on this passion! Also, they are planning on great and grand Rube Goldberg machines such as this one someday soon.

So, I will charge up the rechargable batteries and fire up the camera and the video camera and promise to post more often.

A room of her own

2008-12-06T12:25:00.000-08:00

After sharing a bedroom by choice her whole life with Mickey, even when we lived in a 5 bedroom bungalow, Greta got her own bedroom last weekend! Mickey and Charlie and Casey have a boy's room now, and the baby sleeps with me and Steve. It is going well and Mickey was pretty cool about the whole thing. He liked staying up late and watching tv with her, but we told him they are going to do that in the basement now and even stocked the mini fridge with juice boxes and such. Now they dont even have to be quiet and everyone is getting a whole lot more sleep.

Its funny how long it has taken us to really settle into this new house. But I do love it. Pictures soon.

we came, we saw, we said our good-byes...all on good terms!

2008-12-05T11:01:00.000-08:00

Well, ladies and gentlemen, back to our regularly scheduled lives. Meaning, after 8 or 9 weeks of public school, we have made a mutual decision with the children to return to homeschooling. Which explains my huge absence from the blogging, emailing or socializing lately. This is BUSY. But wonderful.

You might be a little surprised to hear that I do not have any specific big horror stories to tell you, school ended up being, in general, about what we thought it would be-- but I am sure you can understand how much thought, discussion, and soul searching went into this. all of this. Much more soul-searching went into returning to homeschool than went into going to public school, if you can believe that. So I will attempt to tell our "story", but only this once. Then I am looking forward to this being as it always was meant to be, a Homeschooling Blog about our Homeschooling Days as a family of seven : ) I love saying that!

Well, ok. Where to start--it feels like the story started in June. We had a baby this June and moved to a new house. Things were horrendous. Terrible and terrifying. "carefully planned" c sections and postpartum helpers didnt make a lick of difference, really, once Daddy went back to work, (a week and 3 days after the surgery) I was once again, a paralyzed bleeding woman--this time with a severe sinus infection-- alone with five children in a house that was about 50% unpacked. Nightmares melded into flashbacks and heartbreak is the only way I can describe my world this summer. I was depressed as hell, and for good reason, good reasons indeed. I am sure hormones had a major effect but trust me, what I had "on my plate" was just unbelievable. Alone, astonished, and in major major major pain, unpacking the homeschool stuff was sending me chills of fear and yeah, everything lined up to send the kids to school...but truly, the only reason we actually did it was because they wanted to. They wanted to try it out. It was the last year they could all go to elementary together (Kindergarten, 3rd and 5th grades) the neighborhood was strongly involved in the school system, the new pals were all a-bustle with "who's your homeroom teacher?" and, in hindsight of course, the allure of being in some kind of group, anything to feel less abandoned, adrift, root-less, and completely without a support network or anything was at its all time high and so we went for it. The unknown sounded a tiny bit more promising than the known, which was sucking big time. I dont know a more eloquent way to put that so there you have it.

As I had warned Steve that they might be, from reading these kinds of stories on the homeschool webgroups we have belonged to for nearly a decade now, the grandparents were OVERJOYED. It is hard for that not to be insulting, but hey, we announced what we were doing wth our lives and it was heralded. A pretty good feeling. The neighbors seemed excited (although they were very impressed and curious and "cool" with us being homeschoolers as recently as the July block party and had loads of compliments on our children being "breaths of fresh air" in regards to their lack of bad attitudes, frankly.) everyone was all excited and so we got into it with the kids, too. WOO HOO! sort of.....a very tentative woo hoo.

A whirlwind (much too positive of a word) of dizzying work was to be done by me to and I dragged my wounded carcass all around that hot August, newborn, toddler, and 3 kids in tow, to get us "all signed up". The amount of foot work was seriously insane. Insane. Doctors appointments (no, they do not see your kids all on one day. No they do not give all the shots in one visit.) and shots, o my gosh who WERE we anymore, I am strongly opposed to vaccinations, but in we marched....dentist to fix Casey's teeth lest there be bullies who laugh at stain-y teeth, backpacks, shoes, hip clothes, lunch boxes, haircuts, alarm clocks.....then we find out there is a list of supplies we need to bring. then we buy all that. thn we find out it was the old list and they needed different supplies. Curriculum nights. Meet and greet. Faxing and obtaining records and certificates all times three all with mama still feeling quite cut in half and creaking and leaking all over town I mean, it was just out of control. I have never felt such an onslaught of such paperwork and rigamarole in my life.

This running around had a circular ironic effect of wearing me down so much that I became 100% convinced that climbing into a nice soft bed, Air conditioning, and Noggin/Nick Jr with my 2 nurslings was all I would be able to possibly muster for AT LEAST a year. I developed symptoms of fibromyalgia, including locking jaw, shooting bone pain, weak and immobilized wrists, electric skin pain, and yeah of course ,the good old c section incision adhering to my intestines and pulling my back tightly out of alignment....and establishing breastfeeding again blablabla. I was a M E S S. A fricking mess. I also tripped and fell and tore my rotator cuff and sprained my wrist when i was just 5 weeks postpartum, and with no health insurance, those injuries did nothing but stiffen up and add insult to so much injury. All for a little baby! Who knew?! lol. sort of.

My depression got so bad that I had secretly convinced myself that my kids were being "taken away" and that "I deserved it". There was no one to talk to on a true honest level because really, the kids couldnt stay here with me, and I didnt want to be talked out of or into anything, and so we all just hoped for the best. Although no one knew what that was, underneath all the hurt and all the exhaustion and all the wounds new and old, if you believe in Truth and Honesty, the best would be if Mama got all better and our family was returned intact. Maybe. Or maybe our homeschooling days were behind us now--several family members, both on my side and Steve's were very happy to repeatedly imply and say things to the effect of "Well, you did a great job and now thats over, phew, hooray, case closed". They meant well. But again, that allure of feeling normal, feeling like your grandkids are normal, that can be a strong pull. I understand. But I knew that there was a very real unspoken thing about not ever ever homeschooling again. I didnt have the energy to even deal with all that and so I didnt. You did a great job homeschooling but now thats over, case closed.

Except of course, the case is never closed when you are a parent. The case is never closed ever in life, as long as you live and breathe, and as long as hope and healing fact and truth and communication and intuition are available, no case is closed.

So they went. And I fretted. and I looked out the window, and my stomach burned. And my eyes burned. And I rested. and it was quiet, a little. And Charlie took a loooong nap everyday, and so did the baby. And I organized my little desk. And I balanced the checkbook online and in paper. And I was a great little school-mom. Always there to pick them up at 3:20, always there to walk them to school at 7:50, rain or shine, double jogging stroller full of complaining Charlie and squalling Eska. I hung up their little papers on the dining room wall. I filled out a calender and TWO planners with their incessant "events". I washed laundry more than ever, so the favorite jeans would be available and the gym clothes, etc...and I made the nightmarish perfect lunches often past midnight.

My own lunch duty went from a rowdy, jubilant, hot meal for five everyday to me reheating some little pasta thingie and giving Charlie some bites. Those lunches were really easy, hardly any clean up, but MAN was it lonely. Mister Rogers would talk to us in the background, in his sweet, sad way. After lunch, I would try not to fall asleep nursing anyone to nap, lest I miss the 3:20 pick up time or my online banking time. The cat seemed confused. Charlie seemed confused. I was lost as all hell, but just tried to ride out each day like a quiet surfer. I tried on the idea that i was now just like the other mommies on my block--something i had never ever known, and, heck, even my hair was dyed a sedate medium ash brown--but nope, on my block the mommies go to work and have 2 kids and blazers and pumps and leather purses and those fat little cars called crossovers--2 of them, both silver. So i never did get to be like the other mommies. Just as well. I would rather jam forks in my eyes, but it would have been cool to see another living soul all day besides the mysterious little old man next door who laughs to himself and shakes his head and smokes an actual pipe which fascinates Casey more than I like but I dont dare tell him Pipes Are Bad or else he would give the guy an earful and thats really rude.

All the excitement of our days of course was now concentrated into really bad time slots. If you are a parent of young children, you know how bad these can be: 6:30 am, 330 pm, and about 8 pm. yikes. The jamming the waffles into their sleeping faces. The crying (all three of them, almost every morning) the rushing. The stress. Then when we got home, the stressed out vibe was almost visible, so intense and so deep, the stories the deadlines the tragedies the triumphs but mostly, the confusion, guilt, and fear. Then the evenings--once a time of really awesome family fun, now come the tears again, the accusations, the confusion, the worry, the papers, the money is due! Its all due! Its all overdue! I was supposed to bring you the FORMS!.....tears tears tears. Most nights I was crying, too, and Steve was darn close--as the why did we do this again? For peace and tranquility or some such? dared not be discussed but boy, was it's presence becoming larger and larger in our home.

Now, as to the unfortunately very minor subject of the "education", (this is why school is such a failed experiment in general, how the education gets so lost in the flim flam of the extraneous stuff) the kids did swimmingly. A+, star, and happy face were on every thing they brought home. Hmm. Looks like the homeschooled kids are absolutely perfectly doing just right. Normal. Excellent even. Super! Mickey was bringing home some dear little spelling sheets, decided to use very beautiful handwriting all of a sudden, and they both got the hang of the new-new math within a week. All set on the brains, it appeared. Super!

They endured the MEAP testing and even enjoyed it. They said they were finished so far ahead of the other kids that thye felt a bit worried. Awesome! The teachers were darling, kind and involved. Yay. Seriously! But, umm, just as the vast majority of readers of this blog who are homeschoolers will begin to see, the little spelling lists and the little arithmetic tricks and the abysmal Science (Carnivores eat meat, kids! Did you know that?) and the semi-disturbing nationalist propaganda songs....couldn't that all be obtained in a MUCH easier, much more peaceful way, and in about 1/100th of the time, leaving vast glorious hours for these children to pursue their real thinking and growing time? To read about all the awesome things they are apt to read about, to build and write, to dream and plan, without Kenny or Freddy spitting in their hair, in any old clothes that felt comfortable, with healthy fresh food and water available--and toilets, too! Hmmmm.

Casey was the first one to blatantly object. He often came out of school crying and/or shaking. "Mama?" he would begin asking as he climbed into Eska's empty spot in the double stroller (she hated it and I would have to carry her most days and push the empty thing with the good wrist) "Mama, I don't want to be a school boy anymore." he said in front of "everyone" (strangers, neighbors, staff) Shit. What do I say? "Well, sweetie, lets just talk when we get home, ok?" and, like scummy bad parents, we wouldn't have the talk. Night night kid, your giant issues are not important to us! See you at 630 in the morning!

Steve and I blew him off for about 2 weeks. Might sound short but believe me, 14 days and nights of your own little son coming out of his How-was-yer-day-fine-can-i-have-a-popsicle shell and beginning to tell us all about how-was-his-day for real, and 2 weeks is long enough. All day Kindergarten was not right for Casey. 'nuff said. We heard more than enough and saw all the signs that this child was wilting, fast, and we pulled him out without any ado whatsoever from the school. We didnt even stop to "feel weird" about it and I think maybe because he was so little--5 isnt even "school age" in our state or maybe because the 2 big kids were still enrolled, really, the only conversation longer than 2 minutes was the one I had with my mom, and the consensus from everyone was that of You are the parents and You have to do what feels right. Yes!

Having Casey home changed everything. It was not lonely anymore, that's for sure, and Mama's rest time was completely Kaput. But yet I was ok. We fell into a little routine of him being the oldest kid in the house, and did cute ABC type things that he enjoyed from school, etc. We went to Kids Korner and the Science Center, walks and a few parks. But being tied to the house in a way, having Greta and Mickey in school, its not like we were "free" or anything. Especially since the sicknesses (which I forgot to mention earlier)continued. I had to go get Mickey three times to bring him home sick. That many children all together in those classrooms is very hard on the immune system, especially the respiratory system, and as the days grew colder, the mandatory multiple outside recesses really surprised and bothered me. Greta was pissed, to put it bluntly. She "could not believe they MAKE you stand out in the FREEZING cold like some IDIOT when you are SICK" (I love that kid, shes so hilarious and right-on) I just told her I was so sorry and bought her a new mega warm coat coat and sent her a hat and scarf and gloves and chapsticks and tissues and told her I was sorry again. Mickey found out that the only way you get to stay inside for recess was if you were in trouble and he talked to me pretty honestly about the temptation of that. What do I say? I dug out his warmest coat too and told him to hang in there until ---spring.

The children were coughing so hard at night I thought they would vomit, and they missed five days from fevers and malaise in October alone. On those days when all five kids were home, OF COURSE "Homeschool" was on my mind. It was on everybody's minds. "Could we do it? Could we do it? Could we do it?" was the only thing I thought as I doled out children's motrin, robitussin, echinacea drops...filled vaporizers, stepped on kleenexes, pushed fluids---"this is just like the old days! this is just like the old days! this is just like the old days!" the feeling was so palpable, but it took dear true Mickey to finally say it on one of the sick-days. MAMA I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL ANYMORE I WANNA BE HOMESCHOOLED I HATE SCHOOL HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS FOR YOU SAID WE WERE GONNA CHECK IT OUT FOR A WHILE AND IT HAS BEEN A WHILE AND I DONT WANNA GO ANYMORE I WILL NOT BE BAD I WILL DO EVERYTHING YOU TELL ME BUT I DONT WANNA GO TO SCHOOL ANYMORE

Shit. What was all this about I wont be bad? Was some of this a punitive thing to him? What does a die hard homeschooler say, do, what o what? (33 years of propaganda and pedagogy all booming in my head to the tune of dont let them be quitters/teach them to stick with something/life sucks get used to it kid/you cant always have fun young man/get used to gettin up early and get used to standing in line/give me one good reason why your voice should matter.......)

But somehow, in the swirling din of intuition lost and imagined grandmas pissed off and imagined neighbors offended, Steve and I offered up the meek and shaky "Until you can tell us what is wrong or what is happening or why you dont want to go, you need to still go, Honey." We felt very weird, and more phony and fake and distant from our children than ever in our entire lives as parents. There was less eye contact among all of us and I hoped in my mothers true secret heart that someday we would laugh about this all. I just didnt know how or when or if it was a Big Deal or not. Acid reducer is 4 dollars at WalMart, something I knew quite well now. Steve was on them too for the first time in his life. I wondered how many other families had pharmaceuticals at their dinner tables like so much salt and pepper, all in the name of the educations.

And still, time passed, and the papers kept coming home with the happy faces and the stars and the A+'s on them. And the anxiety grew and grew and the children...changed. Greta began to exhibit signs of becoming obsessively perfectionist, crying constantly (isnt that normal at this age? harhar) and becoming paralyzed with fear about everything. EVERYTHING. Lookism ruled her world, and even though the other fifth graders were about as fashion-forward as someone on week two of a camping trip, the pressure to look incredibly right began to take over our daughter's life, and her language and her attitude was really changing fast. Her and Mickey rarely played anymore, there just was no time, and even on weekends all they had energy for were tv shows, they begged us to not come to the grocery store and even the cider mill "I'm just really tired" and Steve and I were really scared.

A lot of racist and sexist slang was now being bandied about the dinner table. Homo, Rapper, Slut, Fart, Loser, Fat, Nerd were the things we got to hear about, and discuss, and Steve and I began to talk in earnest now. All night past the wee hours. All day on his work phone. Why are we doing this? Why is Joy feeling so much better now? Is it because the kids are away or because hey it was a postpartum hell to beat the band but the baby is five months old and sleeps like a log and basically Mama is Much Better Now because time heals? Hmmmmm

And meanwhile, the energy and effort was literally taking our family apart. The crying. The crying and crying and crying.

We got them on the 40 cents a day hot (cold and burnt) lunch program, we were "poor" enough (with 5 kids you had to make A LOT of money to not qualify) but there was only fried meat most days and so they often picked pb+j, and would come home telling me every single day how nasty and bad the lunch was, how they got only seven minutes to eat it, how they didnt get their oranges, how Kenney threw their milk away on purpose, how the lady gave us the wrong food, how the peanut butter and jelly had "clear stuff" on it (?!)......it sucked. It just all sucked. And I pushed the double stroller with the freezing babies in it, listening and listening and told them how sorry I was. I offered to make them home lunches again but apparantly you get teased for that and I think they felt bad about how much I complained about that, so they stuck with "hot" lunch. They were dinner-hungry when they got home and so I made dinner-esque foods at 3:45.

To say that the thrill was gone was certainly a true statement, and so the analysis had to begin in earnest. What was beneficial about the school experince-experiement? What were some good things that we and they had learned and done and accomplished? What were some benefits? How would this experience change our homeschool, what lessons have we all learned? What products would we like to use at home? What resources would be available to us if we did discontinue public schooling? Would be be interested in having the children go to just the "specials" as is their legal right in our state or would that be weird/unnecessary? What are the potential regrets? What would we continue doing i.e. getting up at the crackofnight, keeping a planner, following a specific schedule such as Art on Thursdays, and what of all that was merely crowd control that was irrelevant in the family setting?

Time passes, Steve and I discuss, a dear close friend of mine listens to me until her ear must be bleeding off, and still the crying, the attitudes, the stress.

And the report cards... Not the progress reports, but the real honest to goodness report cards: PERFECTION. Literally excelling in every area imaginable. Greta is a delight to have in class. Mickey is a delight to have in class. (even push ups, sit ups and jumping jacks got the coveted "4" mark) What do we make of this data? Is this the proof that homeschool works and works well, that our children are at or above all the other little tikes in town in all the suppossedly key areas, or is it proof that the poor dear things actually managed to fit in after all those years of Joy's crappy little makeshift school despite all those new siblings and new houses and heavens to betsy even all those dern video games (that taught both Greta and Mickey to read, but I digress)

I think it showed the adaptibility of happy well adjusted kids, and the general openness to data acquisition aka learning that was alive and well in them. It showed that they were willing and capable of following new and probably strange rules despite general dissatisfaction, and it showed that they were just fine.

The incredibly cool part now: Part One

When we decided as a family that yes we were really really REALLY sure that we did not want to go to public school anymore, really really really, we contacted their teachers. Greta's teacher responded immediatly, and was awesome. She wrote, "Greta has touched my heart. She is a wonderful person and a wonderful student. I will miss her deeply. With your permission, may the other children write her good bye cards?"

Thats all?? How kind and awesome! Wow. Of course, I wrote to her, she would love some cards. I asked her if Friday would be an ok day to come in and get all of her stuff and she said yes. No questions asked. Very professional, very super cool. As it should be, but you never know.

That Friday, Steve and Greta went to school. He was feeling a little shy but she was all gung ho--"Come on, Daddy! My desk is soooo messy dont freak out!" : )

When they got there, Greta's teacher, math teacher, and science teacher were all in the room, and although the word homeschool was not mentioned, they were super super nice and friendly and full of good luck and come back and visit and come to the Christmas Party and she got a big bag of cards from all the kids.

The math teacher came up to Steve and Greta and told them whata great student Greta was, often the only one to answer in class, never afraid to take risks or give a potentially wrong answer. She offered our family all the math books to keep and unlkimited help from her, anytime, now or down the line.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I heard this, I just browk down in tears of joy and amazement. this was so beyond anything I had expected, so beyond what they had to do, you know what I mean? Greta had a great chuckle reading the cards from the kids, especially the ones from kids who were not her friends at all but whom were obligated to write "Something nice to Greta". They were really funny. Dear Greta well goodbye Greta---in loopy cursive, all sliding down the page. She loved it.

Mickey's teacher never wrote me back or called me. I am really bummed out and surprised. He is still waiting for his bag of cards. (Sheesh, even Casey got a bag of cards and he hit the other children, went to the principals office twice and only was there 4 weeks)

Super Cool part, part 2:

News travels like lightening in our neighborhood, and by the very first day out of school, one of the big-wig Moms on our block made a chance to talk to Greta for a moment. She wanted her son to come get Greta to show her his new lizard, and when Greta got in their house, she told Greta "I heard that you guys are going to be homeschooling again." (I appreciate that wording, so much, not dropped out or not gonna go to school anymore, you kmow?) and Greta said "Yeah...." and the Mom said "Public school is pretty crazy, huh? Well, youre a lucky girl." and that was it!

Wow!

Super Cool part, part 3:

We were feeling less nervous and weird about this than ever, but there were still the family members to contend with. All of our friends knew now. the neighbors knew, the teachers and principal knew, and Earth still turned. But oh man, grandmas and the others, even though we have been homeschoolers from the very start, those 9 weeks seemed to give them such security or contentment, gulp.

Steve told his mom over the phone and she did not freak out whatsoever. She said you guys are the parents and you know what you are doing. Im sure public school was really alot for all of you and as long as Joy is feeling like she can handle it, I am super happy for you guys.

?!?!?!?!?!?

I am beginning to feel like my old self again, and my new self is geting stronger, too. This has been a time of tremendous changes, but all necessary and good, despite the chaos of it all, such is life. Next entry will be all about the A W E S O M E stuff we are doing and getting ready to do after the Holidays. Our homeschool was forever changed by this experience, and it was for the best. I am really glad they got to check it out and I am incredibly impressed with the teachers. It has been a wild ride, but alot of good came out of it. Weve got a real connection in this town, now, and tons of new things on the horizon.

Greta has returned 100% to her old happy self, enjoying lip gloss, rock n roll and making a cool outfit now and then, but mostly can be found cuddled up in some cozy pants among her infinite drawings of reptiles, her nose buried in a book. Mickey sleeps in like never before, he was really depleted by this lingering cough, but he has stuck with the beautiful new handwriting and doing all of his (home) schoolwork without fussing, which is a joy. Casey is Casey, and he is an out of sync little guy, but his mastery of language has gone from recognizing most capital letters to reading many common sightwords and drawing letters all the time for fun. He went from being able to kind of draw a scrawly happy face to drawing animals, scenes, people and I think we might have another artist in the family! We look forward to him entering therapy and hopefully that will help him get his right brain and left brain all lined up or whatever it is all about. He even takes a nap again, which has been very good for the family. Charlie is loud and funny and he amuses himself with things like dominoes and blocks much better than the other kids did at age three. He keeps us all laughing, even when he is being naughty. Eska is still a dream baby, revving up to crawl and making happy noises in her doorway jumper. Greta and Mickey both cried when they told us how much they missed her when they were at school.

Welcome back to Homeschool Is Love!

Sensory Processing Disorder---much more than "my tags itch"!

2008-11-17T10:56:00.000-08:00

A patron saint of our family turned me onto this website and this is the path we are going to pursue now for Casey.

I do not have any energy or time to commit to blogging or gosh even basic needs right now. But now we have hope for our son.

Please check it out, if you are interested. I was literally crying this morning like so many mornings, just wracking my brain with WHAT THE HELL IS W R O N G WITH HIM???? and this email popped into my inbox, suggesting this disorder and I googled it and....well now I have to go call the pediatrician and demand a referral for Occupational therapist. If they are stupid about it I will switch doctors asap.

Be thinking of my Casey and our whole family as we start the journey of discovery and adaptation after 5 years of calling this little boy "bad", and living in a circle and a society that has also called him AND our parenting "bad", we have a whole lot of healing to do.
Peace,
Joy

Happy Birthday, Charlie Linden!

2008-11-03T06:17:00.000-08:00

Charlie had a wonderful third birthday. Literally all of our friends got together at the old house and helped to disassemble our wooden playscape, lent us a pick up truck, and came and re-built the monstrously heavy old thing in our new backyard. Charlie was extremely surprised and they have been playing on it since Saturday afternoon almost non-stop!

This is the pink cake with all the sprinkles and all the candles that he wanted. It was a great day. Thank you everyone!!!!!!

Happy Halloween!

2008-11-03T06:15:00.000-08:00

We had a warm and lovely Halloween. Eska was a little pea-pod, Mickey was a phantom, Greta was a skeleton, Casey was a zombie firefirefighter, and Charlie was a pink bunny.

Pink bunnies and Nail Polish. For boys.

2008-10-25T07:55:00.001-07:00

Ahh how soon we forget that age, that age when everything is a drama, everything is a tragedy, and nearly every note out of their rosebud lips is a whiney-screech. In my family, I am talking about 2 1/2 to about 3 1/2 years old. oh my god just give him the little jelly packet! who cares! Is the kind of thing we all do in a semi-panic to stop that horrific squealing. Honey can you please please say it nicely? Mommy cant understand you when you whine like that, dear darling. Shut up or Ill....just please please say it nicely, honey....it is so intense. It is intense when you are alone with this ultra-sensitive, ultra-demanding, ultra-freaked out little person, but add to it an older sibling or two or three who seem (am I imagining it? I am afraid not) to purposefully disturb/disrupt the little tragic toddler all day long, and there is no end to the weird stuff you might "let slide" just to get 2 or 3 minutes of reward in the form of the most adorable, precious, happy, proud little cherub that you love so much, eating the jelly packet with a knife at the restaurant. Wearing rainboots, a diaper, and a backwards sweater to the store. And yes, trying out that most interesting of Mama's crafts, nail polish. It is darling on little fat hands, and the little fat hands have often been those belonging to--gasp!--a boy.

Now, I don't give one hoot if you are open minded, closed minded, traditional, progressive, cool or uncool, I think we can all admit that painting is very alluring to toddlers, and I hope we can all admit that there is nothing wrong with paint. So when we come up against folks who flip out over boys in nail polish, what we are dealing with is something very ingrained and I do not think they realize on the surface just what their upset can seem to symbolize. Misogyny, homophobia, its all there but a 2 dollar bottle of wet-n-wild does not a gay man make. If your child has the genetic makeup to want to wear makeup as an adult lifestyle choice, you did not make or break that by allowing him to try the freakin nail polish, ok? No matter how many Maury episodes you watched in 1991, it doesnt work that way. tO be perfectly honest, I think that making some its just for ladies, ooh la la thing out of it would increase the mystique and allure a hundredfold. Its not sex, its not gender, its PAINT. Im even gonna go out on a limb here and guess that if someone was truly gender dysphoric, transgender, or homosexual, what a wonderful thing they could have in their life's story: " my mom and dad wre always so cool to me about little stuff." You know? But back to reality:

I for one do not have the energy, interest, or inclination to tell a pestering toddler anything besides yes or no. and for me, if they wanna have little red or blue fingernails for a couple of days (it chips off at lightning speed unless you wanna go the extra mile for a base coat top coat and sealer which god bless you my toddlers dont stay still that long) GO FOR IT. Nobody cares at all.

Now, onto Halloween:
Charlie is right there, at that age. He is delighted and contented about 15% of the time and the rest he is extremely concerned, freaking out, wigging out, trying to explain himself with his limited vocab, and yes, he whines so so so much. He also succumbed to being afraid of all things Halloween about a month ago. Maybe it was the entire aisle clever candy dishes with skeletal hands in them that all turned on by themselves when we walked past them at WalMart. Maybe it was Casey whispering horrible things in his ear. Who knows. But Charlie, like Mickey, is more of a worrywort/fraidy cat than a daredevil guy, and he didnt want to have anything to do with Halloween. When we tried to talk to him about "you get candy and it is really---" He just starts running around saying "Candy! I want candy! I want candy! I want candy! I want some candy!" and thats sort of hard to listen to. so its weird. a weird year. I didnt know what ?I wanted to do, I wanted us all to go out trick or treating.

Well, then we went shopping for some costumes. Many years I have been more than creative, sewing and gluing and duct taping up some real darling little things: Mickey especially has been a race car, a lego, and Im gonna go on ahead and bless my own heart here: a bowling pin that I made while 42 weeks pregnant and in early labor. For real. But this year, I dont know, we just went to Target and bought stuff.
Greta got a skeleton outfit, very scary and cool. I am so proud that she is not the Slut-o-ween type that saying yes to the skeleton suit was a no-brainer.
Mickey got an "unknown phantom" outfit--it didnt look like much in the package but it is so cool! He is such a skinny little wisp, and it is this little black tunic, black cloak-hood thing with glowing eyes! Its really scary, but in this interesting way, not gory just really cool effect with the little glowing eye glasses.
Casey chose a fireman outfit and now hates it because it isnt scary. Of course. We told him we will help him be a scary fireman, maybe with facepaint. It came with a fake Axe so he liked that, naturally. ah, Casey.

But Charlie, who didnt want to dress up, didnt want to talk about it, announced in Target, in the Charlie-and-Eska cart (Steve and I have to do 2 carts, one with Casey and products, one with Charlie and Eska) that he was gonna be a "Pink Bunny". i think he said a Pink Baby Bunny.
I loved the idea and I was so touched by the thought and symbolism that he must have gone through to come up with what I can only guess was the un-scariest thing in the whole world--a pink baby bunny. We were going to go look at the costume area but no no no he was too afraid, so we went over to the baby clothes area and I was thinking I could get him a girl's pink one piece footed pajama and then go to JoAnn fabrics and sew him little ears, when all of a sudden we saw an actual baby hat that was pink with ears and a bunny face on it. Presto! I grabbed him a pink sweatshirt and pink sweatpants (to be enjoyed by Eska in a couple of years no doubt) and there you have it folks! A pink baby bunny. To try and talk him into a blue bunny or anything else would just be so so weird. Just so weird. this is a child who overcame great fears, and came up with his own heartfelt solution to a big dilemma in his life--planning for a holiday that he does not remember from last time, I dont know--I just think the whole thing is fabulous.

I think it is so classic and such a great family story already. With five kids, I am all nostalgic and grandmotherly in a lot of ways now. The little transgressions just touch my heart, it all goes so fast. It all goes by so flipping fast. He is gonna be the coolest cutest most wonderful pink baby bunny there ever was. Maybe ill paint his nails black for little claws, too.

Friday School: G, black, and spiral

2008-10-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry I havent had pictures lately. Out of batteries/too tired.

Today we did the letter Gg and the color black and the shape spiral. We cut spirals, talked about spirals in nature and had a rip roaringly successful color-walk: 220 black things on our street, I kid you not! Addresses, lampposts and garbage cans, as well as car tires were hugely numerous. It was fun and cold!

We sing the days of the week song and we even did some science, by reading in a darling old science book that I have called Nature Wonderland. We talked about feathers and fur, stems leaves and flowers, and insects having 6 legs. Both Casey and Charlie knew alot more than I thought, I think this is supposed to be like maybe a second grade book? Anyhow it was nice. A nice day of school. They were good boys and Casey is starting to see that I really slather on the praise when he is loving and brotherly towards Charlie. SO now he chases Charlie around hugging and kissing him (too hard of course) and I laugh. they also have shared a room for a while now but just now are starting to talk and laugh with each other before Charlie calls "Mama....." to have me or Steve get him out of the crib. I heard Casey trying to tell Charlie how to get out and I was like; "NO NO NO NON ONONONONON CASEY!!!!! COME TALK TO MAMA FOR A MINUTE, HONEY!"

I told him point blank that if he teaches Charlie to get out of his crib that my life would be over and he asked why and I said well we just really need Charlie to stay safe in there.......phew!.....NOt ready for that whole nightmare of big-boy-bed yet. not even close. I wonder if seasoned parents are as quick to push that as first timers, the big boy big girl bed crap? No thanks. Outside of cosleeping which I am all in favor of, I need to have those littles in their cribby-land until they are truly in need of access to the potty or the springs break. I couldnt be more serious. I think the crib is a cozy and safe haven for little ones and I really couldnt sleep if I wasnt certain that Junior wasn't nipping at the Drano, maybe its just me. We keep our kids in highchairs for a "long" time, too. It works for us.

Looking forward to the nice weekend! Steve is gonna take the kids to a cider mill and i get to stay home with Eskarina! YAY!!!!!!!!

Thursday School: no more

2008-10-23T08:41:00.000-07:00

Today for school, um , to be perfectly frank, we drove Daddy to work at 9am and never came back home. I could tell by 6:15am that things were not right with my dear little fooligans. I was not about to try and do anything besides go go go. Letter G would have to wait : )

We went back to Kids Korner and not only was that a great idea, but they have the gymnasium open on Thursdays, so a truly acceptable and appropriate letting off of wild steam was had, and me and the baby didnt have to freeze our buns off in some frosty park! Hooray! The other Mamas flagrantly disobeyed the "no food or drinks" rule, which I think was for allergy children, so I might be naughty and have a coffee next time. then it would be actual paradise!

I love my kids, but it gets outrageously hard and draining by Thursday. what was so great on Monday just is not by Thursday. Thursday has always been this thing in our family because our Daddy (is that creepy when I say that? We are fast becoming those old couples who call each other mom and dad--just kidding! only on the blog--I think....) works until 8pm on Thursday night. So there is no family dinner. There is no helper. there is no break or end in sight, I have to do it all all all the day the afternoon the dinner the homework the cleanup the bedtime, too. Ok, so not usually the cleanup. Lol. ANYWAYS, Thursday is this weird day and if you peek back, last Thursday was bad too so we officialy (see? I am getting rhythms! yippee!) do not do our regular homeschool on Thursdays. Call it no school, call it field trip, call it what you like we go to kids korner now on Thursdays. I hope that cool babysitter girl is there everytime, too--she was so nice! She seemed like a nanny, maybe 20 years old, and we were swapping local places to take kids in the bad weather, little McDonalds with good or bad playscapes, etc. she was so nice! she totally understood what I was saying about everyplace around town, except when I came to the money or price part, her face went a little blank. haha. thats ok, she is a nanny, her employers give her money. whatever! I told her alot of places she hadnt been to and she told me about which libraries are flexible about the age-range for "toddler storytime". Awesome!

Anyhow, we went to kids korner, then we ate lunch out (! scandal! eleven dollars! so incredibly worth it! ) then we went to a park. It sounds like woo woo I am so brave and strong, but no, no, my friends, I am lazy and relaxin! The little kid energy was of the charts and outside, especially way outside like a big big park, there really isnt anything I have to say no to. The shout and scramble on the ground (I hate that in the house, the crawling and flopping on the ground--do your kids do that? Our house is too little for that it is awful!) and throw stuff and throw stuff and throw stuff. Whee! Childhood fun while Mama sits on her bum and waves. Yes, I am a hero. wink.
We didnt get home until Greta and Mickey were almost home. I was totally casual about dinner "sure, have an egg sandwhich, Greta. Yeah Mickey you can have some noodles. Sure, sure, have some cereal." nobody cared. I know that if I had one child we would do that all the time, and I also know that 5 kids and chaos equals horrific depression and badness so we only do this on Thursday evening now, but it was cool. the whole thing was cool. We are definitely going to do this again.

Wednesday School: F, white, and diamond

2008-10-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

Wednesday we did the letter Ff and the color white and the shape diamond. We had plans for a visit which got cancelled and so it was a rather quiet day. Eska was fussy, she is getting a tooth soon, and so we had to bring her on the color walk, in the baby sling, which hurt my back and front and everything else. I couldn't push the stroller and write the things we saw, so I got the "cute" idea to wear her in a sling. Well, it turns out that there is so much white that I ended up just making little tally marks and you will never believe how many white things we found: 216! For real! It was amazing.

I read the boys a very cool book called How To Dig a Hole To The Other Side of The Earth and they wanted to go try and I aid yes. cool mom, huh? Well it was very hard digging in our yard and very very cold, but they had fun and it was a nice day.

I took Greta and Eska to the little local library in the evening to do homework in quiet. We thought they were open till 9 but it was only open till 8 so we didnt get long. I checked out some little puberty book and was gonna give it a peruse and then share it with Greta and Mickey but OH MY GOD this thing was really out there! I have alot of issues to overcome, I guess but this thing was absolutely nasty and tacky and crude with its ugly cartoons. I am so glad I read it first. There is a definite need on the market for a nice how we grow book that isnt all about hellfire and damnation nor is it chock full of disturbing, ugly 1980's cartoons that look like something out of Mad magazine or playboy. I was very grossed out by this book, the whole thing. Disappointing. We might have to continue tackling subjects without a book. No biggie. yuck.

Tuesday school: scary dragon library/ bad judgement

2008-10-22T02:13:00.000-07:00

So Tuesday, I thought we could go take Daddy to work and motor on to our local library. It isnt huge but it is nice and close. (Steve works different shifts each day, but Tuesday and Thursday he doesnt have to be in until 9am so they are good days for me and the three littlest ones to drive him to work so we have the vehicle all day. I say car and van and minivan interchangeably, but we have one vehicle, it is a minivan.) Well, we got there about 9:15 and it didnt open until 10! Argg. I got the idea to take them to the slightly farther away but enormous and gorgeous and huge and massive library about 5 miles away. This place is an architectural masterpiece, a glowing beacon of steel and glass, absolutely breathtaking. they have puppets and computers and a cafe and it is truly amazing. the kind of place I was ready to spend hours in. It has a tree house and a fake castle theme with a roaring dragon....and so after parking far away, setting up the double jogging stroller in the windy freezing parking lot, hooking up the diaperbag, the water cups, my coffee, the baby and her buckles and her protective blankets, reassuring Charlie over the din of the high winds and the dangers of the busy parking lot that no, there were no bugs in his stroller (there was an earwig like a month ago) and keeping Casey from darting away to his doom, we plodded in to the magic giant library.
and then
Charlie saw and heard the dragon. the neat, interesting, terribly poorly planned DRAGON, the fake dragon with Bose surround sound bass trembling "Snoring" and glowing eyes and ummm yep you guessed it, "Mama......I wanna go home. I wanna go home now. I wanna go home!!!!!!!!"

I have not been one of those moms who leaves the store to teach little Billy the lesson. I never have. I am too lazy too tired too overstrapped, I cant imagine being that cool or flexible or patient. If you are an ass in the store then there will be consequences, but I really have never just left on request. but dude, Charlie was HORRIFIED. He has a grimace on his face that only meant one thing: We had to leave. We tried to talk to him, but he was SO freaked out and upset that he was looking all around himself maniacally like anything could be scary, he was scared of the entire library. So we left.

On the carride home, he was already talking about "Its just pwetend, da dwagon is just pwetend, it is just a toy, he is not scawey." Maybe I did the right thing and maybe HOPEFULLY we can go back there someday soon.

We tried to "Still do" our regular school stuff and it just didnt work. they were off their schedules and everything was weird. We ended up playing in the basement and folding clothes and letting our bunny hop around and oh yeah-- we checked out a cool CD I did get to do at least that and we listened to it. It is Pete Seeger folk songs and it really is awesome. Lots of talking and story telling it is from 1959 and I think our adult friends might really appreciate it. We'll have to "burn a copy" and keep it. that still always feels like stealing!

Monday school: Purple, E, Oval, and rhythms working nicely

2008-10-20T13:06:00.001-07:00

Today we did the letter E, the color purple, and the shape oval.
We are making books, 3 ring binders with those clear sleeve things in them. We fill out our letter, trace it, draw it freehand (Casey only) and do a little tracing and gluing and cutting of the letter shape and color. Although this might be remedial or babyish, they love it now and it is something that brings us together for "table time" every morning.

I am much more interested in setting up rhythms than learning new facts right now. You cant stop people especially little children from learning new facts, it happens constantly, but them forming their own connections in their own little days is their own job, I am here providing them with nice structures, rhythms, routines and some guidance, food, and love in an environment that I hope is conducive to positive safe times which ids the only way anyone can "LEARN", in safety and peace.
I am sure this ABC-123 stuff is what was going on the public school kindergarten, too, I do not fault them for "doing" "easy" stuff its just that...well the social aspects were bringing out the absolute worst in Casey and it wasnt appropriate to his positive development. None of it. As John Holt points out, and I am paraphrasing, when children are in an adverse hostile or perceived-to-be upsetting situation, they are not ready to learn and make connections, they are ready to fight, cry, rebel, act out, withdraw, and mimic negative behaviors of the 26 little strangers from who knows what kind of families.
Being around 26 little kids all day in a strange understaffed environment with confusing rules, unaccommodating scheduling, scary giant alone hot lunch program cafeteria chaos scene "I didnt get my peaches, Mama and noone helped me!" , well it was all wrong.

We are getting into a very set day now, and I love it. The boys know exactly what we are gonna do and when, and it fits their temperament and even the baby is getting a little schedule of her own! Crazy! Even though I did not set out to have set clock-times for most of this, it is becoming very precise when we do our things:

6-7 ish wake up
8 the big kids are gone and we do our letter, shape and color work at the table, including breakfast snacking. They seem to prefer grazing on apples cheese nuts etc and do not like more typical (sugary simple carbs) breakfast fare which is GOOD--so no pancakes, cereal, toast for the boys which is good good good.
930 we switch to watching signing time or playing music toys or regular working/playing such as playdoh or legos/duplos or cars, train tracks, etc.
10 we get all geared up (coat wether now) and go on our "Color Hunt". Eska sleeps in her car seat (not much longer!) while we go out front and search for items of our day's color. We found fifty two PURPLE things--imagine!
I thought purple was gonna be a weak one, but lots of purple-mauve shutters and flowers and leaves on our block. Like I said, they have known their colors since they were like 18 months old but it is the idea of a goal-oriented nature walk of sorts, as well as an exercises in paying attention-- truely stopping and being observant little people--that is the "point". We are so cute with our clipboard, walking all around our side of the street. I wonder if the neighbors see us and wonder what we are doing.
11ish the outside time turns into "Im hungry", or, they just want to play and roll and poll so I go in and make lunch, nurse Eska, etc.
1130 we eat lunch. If I have had too much coffee, I might eat quietly alone at 1. It depends.
12 we sing and read "wild stories". We get to be nice and loud, baby is awake, and they are enjoying my singing voice as I belt out the tunes I learned from back in the days of working at the nursery school, little songs about Jump Up And Down, and The Old Kentucky Fair, and all of my songs I have made up over the years. They know naptime is coming and if they are "bad", meaning, kicking each other or purposefully dancing into the glass windows and knocking everything off the shelves (hooligan boys!!) that they will have to go to bed without their special story.
1245 we read a special story or two or three :).
100pm sharp is naptime. Not too much complaining anymore, all the blame goes on the clock itself! "Oh wow look it is one oclock, guys, we have to go to rest time now"!
Casey gets to watch DIY Network in my bed and learn about installing pipes and plumbing and Charlie sleeps in his crib properly
1:05to 2:00 is MY TIME. Do the online banking, balance the budget, checking email, blogging, searching for a new dentist, pediatrician, whatnot.
2:00 Casey pops right out. Sigh. But he will play quietly and I can tidy or rest with Eska.
3:00 I get Charlie up. He is a bear and red faced and out of it for a good 15 minutes. We try to get this part over before the hurricane that is Greta, Mickey and whatever kid they drag home with them come blaring in.
3:30 hurricane
mish mosh of telling about school, snacking, dinner prep, etc.
530 dinner (???)
600 start homework
7-8 Casey to bed first, Charlie 8ish
930 big kids alseep
So our schedule is tight and yet not all the way. We are also trying to visit with little nice friends several days of the week so that would be instead of Caseys naptime. this also forgoes my rest time which is tricky. Steve has been awesomer and awesomer about "letting" me do what i need to do in the evenings if i need to. Mental health mini-errand running with just Eska, computer time, shower, rest, whatnot.
We clean all evening and have tried to say we have to stop cleaning at 10 pm so we can watch a little TV or whatever ; ) but its hard. I do not clean at all during the days right now and I guess it will slowly fit back in someday!

Friday school: Green, D, heart, construction paper, outdoors quiet fun

2008-10-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

Today has been great!

We did letter D, and our days of the week song, and worked with construction paper on some Halloweenish stuff, and drew hearts and played Wii bowling and Wii tennis and then went outside for a grand hunt of GREEN--we got 102 things! We stayed outside for a long long time and the boys "made instruments" out of wood and cement and rubbish and got into this real nice zone of quietly playing and working and talking to themselves. about 2 hours of that and then I announced naptime to no complaints.

This new routine is getting nicer and nicer!

Thursday

2008-10-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

Today we didnt do school too much. We had to run Daddy around on errands all morning and then we met some good old friends at a park and it was super cold and Charlie was crying and bad. It happens.

Wednesday school: C, Orange, Square, Visiting

2008-10-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

Today was letter C. And color Orange. We found 46 Orange things on our hike. The boys are falling into their routine nicely now. Eska chews her rattle and growls..she is getting some teeth soon it seems! We went visiting our good friend and her little girl and had lunch time with them at their place. The boys are so calm and well mannered at places--very good and odd I must admit! Makes me want to live on the road! I am excited about these new habits and there is a new sweet twist: MICKEY is all supportive of us homeschooling Casey (!) and he sets up our white board every night. He has become a much nicer brother lately. Maybe he needed some space without toddlers. They are adorable in moderate doses, aren't they?

(For those of you who wanted some pictures of our house on the Heart and Home blog, Iam going to take some official ones soon, but you can appreciate how tiny our cute little kitchen is in some of the pictures here, you can see the little "footprint" of white tiles--thats the whole thing! Also, in the picture where Charlie is gluing you can see the little opening to my bedroom and over there is the bathroom and nursery.)

I have been trying to buy a planner, returned two, looked into printables, making my own, but I finally got one at WalMart for 5 bucks that will work! Now I will begin the monumental task of filling it out with all the school stuff....

I think I will get creative and MAKE by hand something that works for me and then xerox the pages and make a binder. Maybe I'll handwrite it in black marker so it is extra cool. Do people still say xerox? LOL have a great day!

MamaJoy

"I had it made"

2008-10-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

Things were incredibly easy and calm for me those 5 weeks that Casey was in school. It was kind of insane, how quiet and Joy-Centered my time instantly became. I went from completely harried and overwhelmed depressed anxious chaos Mom of 5 to clean and serene lady sipping coffee in her squeaky clean house with a sleeping newborn and one little Charlie who was playing playdoh all morning with classical music on. It was awesome.

BUT it was not awesome for Casey and the rest taught me alot. I learned to budget time and money in a whole new way. I caught up on my house. I rearranged some rooms (didnt do the heavy lifting, I promise) and straightened stuff up. I read. I thought. I...could have used more time but it was enough to feel ready for the task that is raising Casey. It is completely different than any other childcare I have ever encountered.

So, I "had it made" and yet that is ridiculous. No mother has it made whose child is miserable. Now I have it made...in a different way. My child is safe and happy and therefore, we all "have it made".

Tuesday school: B, Yellow, cookies, and a visit

2008-10-14T18:17:00.001-07:00

Today we did B. Coloring, cutting, drawing, gluing, tracing and then writing big B and little b. Our color was yellow and we went outside for a hunt of yellow things. We found forty-two! We also made and baked cookies and then had a fine lunch of black bean and tomato nachos. The boys watched one TV show while I tidied and retidied and tidied some more for our guests: My mom and my 5 1/2 year old nephew.

It was freezing and rainy all morning, thus the 2 coats in the pictures..but by the time they came it was warm and sunny : ) Charlie got to visit a bit before his nap (he is the first child we have had who CANNOT miss his nap lest hell be unleashed in the form of screeching and tantruming and worse by 3pm)

Casey and his cousin played that they were "chopping guys" (Ax Men?) and took huge branches and whacked away at the wood pile out back, then talked us into a little video game action. I was happy to show my mom a little that not all video games are "bad" and she had to admit that the Wii Bowling was very harmless, simple, and amusing. She and I disagree about video games to some extent, but they are a real part of our family's life and so is outdoor play and wood toys and imagination and all that stuff too and so I appreciate her checking out the video-bowling with us, it ended up fun and funny. and alot easier than taking 4 little kids to actual bowling, LOL

Greta and Mickey had MEAP testing today at school and they said it wasn't too bad. The school gave them lots of extra recess in between tests and they loved that. It was literally perfect weather today, maybe 68 and sunny, so all in all, a good day if not somewhat exhausting.

so far, cool

2008-10-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

OOH I forgot to tell you!
I dropped off a letter sealed in an envelope to the Principal's mailbox Friday. It was extremely succinct and basically said Casey will no longer be attending ___elementary for the 2008-2009 schoolyear, we have made alternate arrangements for his education. Signed, Joy and Steve...

He called today and left a neutral sounding message, just wanted to "touch base". Then I called him back, and was happy to play phone tag and get HIS voicemail, to which I left a cheery message thanking him for calling and then I just spat out some little thing about we like your school but we have found something that we feel is more appropriate for Casey--click--
I wonder if there will be anymore "fallout"? I don't have to walk up there anymore so I can kind of "hide"...the neighbors haven't found out yet....I'm just not in the mood to retell the (non) "story" everyday you know? I am sure there will be some stuff to come but so far smooth sailing :)

Monday school: A, Red, fire safety, and fresh air play

2008-10-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

Today we "did" the letter A. What does that mean?

I drew a huge Aa and then I wrote one made out of dashes to be traced and then Casey had to write his very best A and a freehand. Then we sang a song about the 2 sounds that A makes. Then we thought of some words that start with A.

Our color of the day today was red. We went outside and found fifty three things that were red, and wrote them down together, in, of course, red crayon!

Then I read to them all about fire safety--we had some really impressive pamphlets from the Boy Scout fire safety thing that Mickey attended this weekend that had some good information in them so we read all about stop drop and roll, crawling below the smoke, don't play with matches, gas, or candles and how to treat burns.

We made Jello for dinnertime together, played out in the leaves for a good long while, and had a healthy lunch of:

sunflower seeds

cheese cubes

whole grain pb+j

cottage cheese

and Tang or chocolate milk.

Now is naptime which we preceded with a reading of Green Eyes, a sweet library book about the seasons.

Mickey was feverish and congested yesterday and was when he woke up so per school rules about fevers, he stayed home today. That is why he is in these pictures. Tomorrow they have MEAP tests and he cant miss those so we erred on the side of caution.

All three boys are resting and Eska is hungry so gotta go for now! Enjoy this warm weather...

listing what we did and looking for what works so we can have a schedule soon

2008-10-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

Tuesday we went to Kids Korner in the morning, came home and had healthy lunch, a little free time with playdoh and music, and then naps. For Casey AND Charlie. I was hoping Casey would stay in bed but not sleep and thats exactly what he did. Cool. If he sleeps he will not be tired anywhere near bedtime (730 to 9 ish) and that will be a problem, especially for Steve. But I want my afternoon break! Need is more like it! So Casey rested for about an hour, Charlie took his usually 2+ hour nap.

Wednesday we did a bit of school at home. We talked about what Casey liked about school and what he wanted to continue at home. He didnt "like" anything except gym but he said they were on letter "Y" and so we made some Y's out of cheerios and paper and he spontaneously wrote Yo-yo over and over and we agreed that that was a great fun Y word.
Casey Charlie and I did "music class" with Eska in the basement around 9 in the morning. I played Woody Guthries childrens songs (they are super primal and great, really a beautiful side of Woody) and I laid out 4 little receiving blankets on the floor. White, yellow, blue, and pink, each with one instrument in the middle. I acted all teachery and said "Pick a color!" and the boys scrambled to one blanket, then I went to another one, and one was empty. We then played along with Woody for maybe a minute and then I yelled SWITCH! again. They were very into it but then there was a scuffle about them both wanting the drum. See? Socialization! LOL Later the game turned into dancing and then the interest was waning and so we made a production about folding all the blankets up and turning down all the lights and watching Signing Time, a precious show on PBS about sign language. Eska jumped in her doorway jumper thing (yes she is strong enough for that already! she LOVES it!) and then Daddy brought us the minivan home for his lunchbreak and we took him back to work and went to good ole WalMart for a few things.
We got a whiteboard/dry erase thing and a few more little officey supplies that Casey adores. 3 dollar stapler, etc. SO he "made books" for the rest of the day, evening and now is currently doing so! I must hook up the scanner to show you his cute work.

Today is Thursday and all the kids have no school for Yom Kippur. Things are a bit haphazard which is sometimes ok but I am really sleepy this morning so it has to be. Greta is still asleep and it is 11am. Poor kid.
We are going to go to the zoo or park or something later, all of the kids and me. We get along great when we are out but when we are all home everyone dissipates, which is to be expected, but it makes me a little sad. I miss when we all sat and played together. If I drag them to a place it might happen!

I am looking forward to trying out little things and seeing rhythms and patterns. It is of great importance for me to come up with "Tuesday is library day", etc for the homeschool year. I think it is abundantly clear that a "third party", even if it is the homemade chart or calendar, helps us a great deal to know what to do. I know our timeline at least:

6ish Casey and Charlie wake up
7 wake up Greta and Mickey
8 Greta and Mickey have to be in school
8 to 11 Homeschool activities
11 to 12ish lunchtime
12 to 1 quiet play/I read to the boys
1 naptime
2 Casey gets up (?)
3 I get Charlie up
330 the big kids get home
now this part is all a mess, the 330 to dinner.......
Some nights are boy scouts, girls scouts, daddy needs a ride, daddy works late, all a mess
Some ideas bandied about of me taking one kid to the library for quiet homework help, hasnt happened yet
730 Casey to bed
745 Charlie to bed
830 to 9ish Greta and Mickey go upstairs and hang out/play video game/watch tv
930 Greta and Mickey asleep

Thats it so far! We haven't had one full week yet where there was no holiday or noone home sick so time will tell. Ideas?

Trust

2008-10-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

First read this. It is more eloquent than I can muster today or maybe ever. Then brace yourselves for not too much of a shock: Casey is coming back home. Today is Tuesday and I called him in "sick". They have Thursday off anyways and well, I think he is done, done. As of what happened yesterday and the continued stories that are coming to us via the teacher, the principal, and Casey himself, there really is no need to waste even one more iota of anyone's time with this little failed experiment. I am sure his poor teacher, bless her heart, won't be too heartbroken LOL
He, his brother Charlie, and his baby sister Eskarina and I spent a very gentle and quiet and beautiful morning today at Kids Korner, which is a little place in a nearby town that is near and dear to our hearts. All it is is a room at the community center which is filled with toys, both gross motor and fine motor, and they worked and built and dug and drew and laughed and ran and hugged and kissed and climbed and chatted and shared and sang and co-operated and thought and grew and learned in peace and safety and--peace some more. Casey was a wonderful boy and extraordinarily kind and composed. I got multiple complements on my children--Casey in particular--something I used to take for granted but something that doesn't seem to happen much lately, especially in the past year. We came home to a preservative-free whole foods lunch of tomatos, carrots, apples, red peppers, popcorn and cheddar cheese with ice water. We will be eating like this from now on, at least for lunch. The TV never came on once. (Neither did any tantrums, outbursts or bad behavior! Hmm...)

It IS funny and ironic how we were just this homeschooling family for over 7 years, who tried school on for a change and now that it is working beautifully for the 2 oldest kids and failing miserably for little Casey, that I find myself feeling all nervous and outcast and shy and even scared to "announce" (?!?!) our radical plans to "everyone". Who gives a flying crap? I think my whole ride on the postpartum depression coaster has still got me a bit shaky as far as changes and self confidence are concerned--but that is improving rapidly, daily, hourly, even. I actually havent been this happy in a very, very long time.

I did note to Steve last night that it is amazing what a HUGE thing school truly, truly is in the community, how it can completley take over the entire life of a family--and how confidently and casually we just didnt participate in it, ever. Now I feel scared and freaky to write the big letter proclaiming that Mister Casey is gonna drop out. LOL. Be Homeschooled. Not be returning. See ya in 3rd grade or something, maybe. I do not anticipate any trouble, but I feel weird and I feel weird about feeling weird--silly, right?

I don't want to have to have some "big explanation" every time we leave the house, but I am going to have to, in a way. See, we have neighbors now, everywhere, in fact, and they are ALL deeply invested in this school system. Coaches, Den Leaders, Volunteers, Helpers, Parents, Friends. They will not "get it" and will want a big story and I am not going to give it to them. So I searched my soul and didn't have to search too deeply to come up with this answer:

Our family thinks that early childhood is spent best in homeschool, and that we can provide a better educational environment for our kids when they are very young. Casey will probably be going to ___Elementary in a year or two.

He had another social run-in yesterday which landed him in the Principal's office. If any of you could possibly, possibly get your hands on any of the books by The Moores that I linked to last post, and read what they have to say about 4, 5 and 6 year olds and even a little bit older being in a age-segregated peer group all day long, and then if you could see and read and follow us as we start our own "school year" here at home, I hope you will agree that we are doing what is truly best for this particular child.

but if not, I guess you will just have to trust that we trust, and believe that we believe...in Casey.

This isn't rash or hasty--only sending him was. I am more excited about this than even back in 2001--I feel more than ready for the challenge(s) ahead. I love my little Casey and am 100% certain that there was not one thing positive going on there for him, and a whole lotta negative stuff that was only just beginning.

Thanks in advance for your support, and, your TRUST. I leave you with my most heartfelt observation/conclusion:

For Casey, School was only a pathetic substitute for home.

For Greta and Mickey, home was becoming pathetic substitute for school.

I feel more certain than ever that little kids do not belong in that environment. I feel more sure than ever that when a child is given a gentle and sheltered --(yes that controversial word that is totally appropriate if not our most important job as parents!--) early childhood filled with a true love of learning and a safe space in which to unfold and unfurl as a person, under the close supervision on a loving dedicated caregiver in a very low adult-to-child ratio, that they can go on to become wonderful, dedicated and committed, connected, self-motivated and solid students in any capacity. We provided that for Mickey and Greta and so we will continue on with the littlest three.

After a few weeks of "de-tox" we do plan on re-joining our local homeschool groups on some of their outings and little classses, field trips, etc.

Tomorrow I think we'll use our zoo pass! Yipee!

Friday October 3 update

2008-10-03T11:35:00.001-07:00

I have lots of big ideas but no time to post them so here is just an update!

GRETA:
She is absolutely flourishing in her school. I am incredibly impressed with the subjects she is learning, the work she is producing and the stories she is sharing with me. Only one minor run in with some snotty "mean girls" which was prompty handled by 2 teachers and seemed to barey phase Greta. She loves her homework, loves math (!!!!!!!!!!) and the teachers adore her. She doesnt grumble in the mornings, she is eager to do her homework and to egt everything in on time, and just basically is rockin out and we are astonished and so so proud at the grace with which she has transitioned into school. We attribute a ton of this good attitude to her days as a respected homeschooled little one who didnt have to "Endure" a bunch of bullcrap to get her basics down pat.

MICKEY:
He is doing really well on his assignments, getting grades like 19/20 on little spelling tests and such, making nice friends, trying new foods, etc. He is having a very hard time getting up so early and seems a little down sometimes. He has to be deeply cajoled to do his homework or really anything on his allowance chart such as preparing his outfit or brushing his teeth even! Lazy boy.He has an excellent sweet and very very loving and connected teacher whom he is close to. He misses me and i think the days are a bit long for him but he is doing well otherwise. He is full of happy stories about his days and seems to completely "get" what it is he is supossed to do all day and enjoying it all.

CASEY:
He is overwhelmed. Confused. Lots of micro-tragedies seem to be consuming his days. He didnt get his dessert. So and so kicked him. They lost his pillow. They wont let him go potty. He lost his quarters. He already knows "triangle" and "The color green" and "A is for Apple". He is tired, he has been sick since the first week pretty much, and he is overwhelmed with all the rules they bombard you with in Kindergarten. I liken it to boot camp, break their spirits so you can then control their minds. Understandable. Its crowd control. There are rules in this life young man. Toughen them up. Except I dont want that for my little Casey. The other two are living proof which I did not need anyway that you can be a fine student without all that boot camp. I think Casey is way too young and bored and sad and they are stifling and smothering him.

I have had pulling him out of Kindergarten on my mind, and I am re-reading Home Grown Kids by the Moores, authors of several other fascinating and solid books such as Better Late Than Early, and School Can Wait. I do not want to do anything hasty, but it is on the "front burner", I promise you. The last thing we are "about" as a family is squelching little kids and breaking their hearts and telling them thats nothow we draw flowers honey or you cant go to the bathroom! Grrr

It is funny to me that I am actually fearing/dreading the backlash of "people" if we pulled little Casey out and brought him back home--when here we were a complete, all the way till 12th grade homeschooling family out and proud and in your face with the bumperstickers and all just this August. I dont care, but I am not looking forward to it. School isnt even compulsary here until age 6 and homeschooling is totally legal so it would be one little letter to type but I want to wait and think about what we would do that would be really great and not just watch Noggin and fight. (NOthing wrong with that but I want more or else the taxation on Charlie and Eska and myself would seem to be lost. I want to show Casey a really enriching incredible year and well right now I am just getting back into the swing of things like taking a shower and being off medications kniw?)

B U T
My mental health has just just started to get strong again and I want to be careful. Even though today I liken his school days as about on par with a mediocre daycare, he also does have some happy stories and some cute little friends and seems to enjoy some of it. So I am reading, soul searching, studying, preparing and thinking. Would him being home turn me back into that screaming swearing Mama again with the chaotic house and the omnipresent TV blaring? Did we throw the baby out with the bathwater by sending Casey to school---I mean, its so ironic and strange really that this whole "School" thing started with the notion that "If Casey goes to school we can have some peace to teach the older kids..." and then BAM post partum depression and loss of family life as anyone knew it and all three are sent to school! Strange.

I have peace and quiet now. Me and Charlie and ESka have the most darling gentle little days imaginable and it is heavenly.
but
but
but
I have my entire life to listen to classical music and sip coffees and sweep the floors and make uninterrupted phone calls. Casey only has one childhood and I vowed to do the VERY BEST by my kids every single year. As of now, I dont know what is best. They were off school Tuesday and I was ready to dig for an old Vicodin by 11am. Casey was insane, outside breaking the neighbor's fence, hitting Charlie, defying me, and I was crying, cursing, and shaking just like I was 2 months ago. BUT....they were also off school Wednesday and it was wonderful. We went to a park with some friends and he played nicer than anyone could imagine, for hours upon hours in the cold.

So if/when Casey is back home, things will not be like they are now. I will need to dig VERY deep as to what would be an appropriate "homeschool day" for him, and see if what I come up with would be a detriment to Eska or Charlie. I would need filed trips, daily activities, trips, a tight schedule, (and energy and a little money and a few supplies) to make it work. He isnt a "sit around and read or whatever" kind of boy. Little does he know how intently I am studying him when he is home right now....

thats all for now!

A Case(y) study: Part 1-getting to know Casey, the early years.

2008-09-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

Casey Stefan was born on August 3rd, 2003, at home, our third child, younger brother to Mickey who was 3 and Greta who was 6. We tried for 20 months to get pregnant with him, and we were overjoyed to welcome him into the world on my own mother's birthday, no less--without surgery, hospitalization, or any fears of not being "ready" for this child. We had an old 5 bedroom bungalow that was filled with happy accoutrements of early childhood, toys, homeschool supplies, books, etc, and really, nobody could have been happier or more prepared for a new baby to come into their lives than we were for our Casey.

He was an easy enough newborn, meaning, no colic or anything, but he did nurse alot and with great intensity, 'round the clock, I do remember that much. But other than that, he seemed cheerful and contented enough, nothing out of the ordinary as far as babies go. We did not vaccinate him, having read up on the dangers of that, and, at the time, being homeschoolers, he was a healthy baby who never went to the doctor. He was very big when he was born, eleven pounds, and he grew through his clothes at a very rapid rate.

When he was about 4 months old, he seemed bored--truly. He just gave off this aura of wanting something more, much more, funner, more interesting, and so we put him in the doorway-jumper and, unlike his older brother and sister who just sort of hung there innocently until they were MUCH older, Casey really and truly was JUMPING within a few days.

when he was 5 months old, and I have video to prove it, he was already doing a modified army-crawl. He would yell and growl and actually get somewhere at an age when his older brother and sister were barely, barely rolling over from back to front and then crying from the excitement of it all, little Casey was trying to get somewhere...was he going to his blankie or perhaps a teddy bear? Oh, no-- Casey the five month old wanted the TV/entertainment center, and he wanted it bad. Was this some kind of joke? Babyproofing for a five month old? Sheesh! We put a few pillows in front of the TV stand.

Ha!

He had those thrown to the side like they were kleenex. He also had another obsession: to scooch over to the electrical outlets and pull out the safety plugs and jam them down his throat. Huh?

I got an Ergo Carrier when he was about 8 months old, and could wear him on my back for long long periods of time. He seemed really happy to be on me, with that nice high vantage point, but he would pull my hair and jump--yes jump--and it was hard on my back--and scalp! but he was a very happy baby in the Ergo, singing and cooing and laughing--great big belly laughs.

He hated the car--another curve ball--seeing as, the car, for us, like so many other parents, was the magic machine that put babies to sleep, right? No, not mister Casey. He screamed bloody murder most of the time we were out--and if not, he was wide awake, never ever did the car put him to sleep, ever. That put a damper on our homeschool field trips and we started doing things alot closer to home for a while there. Mysteriously, when he was about one year old, though, he would ONLY fall asleep in the car and we had an annoying stint where we would drive him around the blocks for ten minutes and then carry him (SHHHHHHHHHH Mickey!!!!!!) to his bed. Stress!

Sleep--yikes--he didnt do too much of that after the newborn weeks--but not in a walk-the-floors-with-baby colicky sort of way, I am talking wide awake party-boy, just was not tired! I slept with him, as I do with all of my nurslings, but instead of cozy times at Mama's breast, it was all night hyjinx--patting me, laughing, biting, climbing, poking me up the nose, in the eyes, and really hardly ever settling down/nodding off --ever. I was BEYOND sleep deprived, and we "kicked him out" of our bed at the youngest age of any of our children--by nine months old he got the full "Ferberizing" treatment--but he was a stubborn little thing and it took a full week to get him to lay down in his crib and figure out that this was his little bed and that everything was ok, etc. He would sleep alone in his crib for about 4 hours and then he would cry and we would bring him back in with us, and then and only then would he seem to be willing to have some milk and then sleep nicely with us. Again, this was all new to us and nothing like our experiences with the oldest two who only fell asleep for nursies or carrides and who were very cuddly bedfellows for the first year (or a little longer) of their lives.

Casey was really surpassing his older siblings in physical milestones, and, even though he was so large at birth, he was starting to show signs of slimming and slowing down, alot compared to them. The "Giant Baby"--you had an eleven pound baby, HBAC (homeBirthAfterCesarean)--was turning into our little itty bitty and showed no signs whatsoever of being the extraordinarily fat roly-poly that Greta and Mickey were. Mickey was so fat he couldnt hardly move--he had SIX "links" on his little arms, and couldnt fit into anything that was the appropriate length for him. Casey by age 9 months was our first baby who could actually wear the size of clothes that corresponded to his age--in fact, he wore size 4 diapers and size 9-12 months clothes from age 3 months until he was one year old! I think that is bizarre.

Casey could pull up and stand at age 8 months, and was our only baby to walk anywhere even close to one year--in fact it was on his eleven month birthday that he took a few steps. (Greta, Mickey and Charlie were all 14 to 15 months old when they walked)

He didnt care too much for the things that his siblings were into at the various ages, he didnt want to cuddle in for a nice storybook, thats for darn sure! He would crawl/walk/run up to anyone who was trying to read a story and smack the book out of their hands, or rip the pages, or throw it--he loved to throw stuff--including food. Wait, dont those food-throwing kids have those bad parents? Hmmm we were starting to see dear baby Casey as a study in humility, and we found ourselves much less judgemental of other families as he plowed through one naughty/frustrating behavior after the next, us wiping and scrubbing and locking and "putting up" more and more things each day...bookshelves were moved to the KITCHEN, baby gates were stacked double, our TV/vcr/dvd/video game/stereo system were all up on a dresser now, the futon was turned backwards so he wouldn't unzip the mattress cover and climb inside and rip the foam...I would make the morning ritual-rounds before we got him out of his crib or high chair of laying down all the dining room chairs (he loved to tip them over and try to kill himself) and putting the piano bench in the laundry room (he climbed in onto the piano), I would have to do and buy so many things just to keep him vaguely safe--phew this kid was intense!

Speaking of high chairs, I am a huge proponent of them. I find families whose toddlers tot all around at mealtime ridiculous, and we keep our children in a nice safe secure high chair of some sort until they are 5 or 6 years old. They paint, eat, work, read, draw, lego, play-doh, you name it in there, but good ole Casey, well, he would shimmy right up and out and onto the table by the time you went and fulfilled some other little angel's request for "more juice". We bought a deep clip-on chair with a five point harness system. Wild kids get expensive! It helped alot, but he quickly learned that he could buck and buck and shake the entire table, which made Greta and Mickey scream, which made Casey quite thrilled. Arggggg.

Ok, so, those of you with more than one child, you know that age when the new baby starts to mess with the older child's creations? Block towers, special race tracks, little works of art that used to be perfectly safe right there on the coffee table or floor now are in peril?--ok well Casey didnt just accidentally bump anyone's lovingly constructed little tower, he sought out and destroyed. (Greta by age going-on-seven could deal with this, but Mickey at 3 1/2 would lose it completely. This, by the way, was around when Mickey started to be not a very nice brother to baby Casey, and this is something that we are still working on to this very day. In Mickey's defense, Casey was an EXTREMELY destructive baby and toddler, but I still think there needs to be a whole lot more I-Love-You-Because-You-Are-My-Brother.) Casey wrecked everything he could, with the thrill of wrecking seeming to be his true intent--and thats what really bothered all of us. He didnt want your blocks, he wanted to wreck your tower. : (

I started to "gather" stories from as many people as I could find willing to give me any in regards to "Wild" kids. I loved the stories about so-and-so's Uncle Billy was a climber, or so-and-so's little brother drove poor Mom batty..and now he is a doctor/lawyer/astronaut/philanthropist/so-don't-worry-too-much. I tried and tried to find anyone who would tell me that the Wild Child in their particular family was now in prison, but, in the sample surveyed, nobody had anything really long-term-negative to tell me except good luck and bless your heart and things of this nature.

Casey's first birthday came and it was an extremely emotional and meaningful event for me, as it symbolized the now-mythically-important-in-scope victorious HomeBirth. His cake had a little house on it, and even though not a single one of the guests even commented on my house-cake, Steve and Greta knew, and it was a very wonderful day.

By that fall and then Christmas, the 16 month old Casey was an actual lunatic. He was SO WILD, it was like nothing I had ever seen or known. In a lifetime of babysitting and working in the church nursery, and at a daycare center and nursery school, I had little to no experience of a child like this. He was completely merry, but just--wild. We had to do this huge thing to our Christmas tree and put it in a very odd place in our house, behind (yet another expensive) a double wide baby gate just to even have a tree that year. (some well meaning relative suggested that we don't do a tree that year but i mean, come on, a seven and a four year old with no tree? How much more into the magic years of xmas can you get? No way we weren't having a tree...but it did suck how much effort was involved in such a heretofore normal event). So little flip-flop-somersault-tazmanian devil baby continued to live his life as an acrobatic hooligan and we tried to keep up as best we could.

Casey did like stroller rides, surprisingly, and that fall I got really into some serious walking-for-exercise-and-weight-loss. I would take him every time and this was a great time for him to be still. Ironically, I had to be in motion for him to be still but hey who cares, right? Our old neighborhood was less than perfect, but it was sure nice for long walks, and we were up to 3 miles in no time. I was feeling sassy and healthy in my new found weight loss, and just like I was at the tip of the iceberg with "getting it back together" when....

at 17 months old I found out I was pregnant.

No matter what people have concocted along the way to appease themselves or to "make sense of" my life, this news was truly shocking. I wont go into too great of detail here as this is not my Breast and Belly blog, but lets just say that everything they ever told you about fertility charting just DOES NOT APPLY when you are breastfeeding. Your hormones are still too funky, your prolactin levels are too unpredictable, and what looks like it is one thing might not really be and boom the system that you used your whole life now just got you a surprise baby spaced WAY too close for comfort...here we go again!!!!!!

BEING PREGNANT WHILE TAKING CARE OF A ONE YEAR OLD IS A NIGHTMARE.

BEING PREGNANT WHILE BABYSITTING IS A NIGHTMARE.

BEING PREGNANT WHILE HOMESCHOOLING, BABYSITTING, AND TAKING CARE OF A ONE YEAR OLD CASEY WAS A VORTEX FROM HELL'S BOWELS.

Holy #$%&*&%$# was I sick. Sick sick sick sick sick. Hospitalized for hyperemesis twice. Still nursing, still night nursing.....oh that was a long, long pregnancy.

That was a hard, hard pregnancy and the fun-stroller-walking-Mommy who was kind of, kind of keeping up with little Wild Casey was now just a vomiting zombie on the couch, which did not go over so well. I did alot of yelling. Alot of driving around just to get to sit in a chair (now I know this is an extremely common Mama's secret activity but at the time I thought I was horrible, of course) and, well, I think it was really hard on Casey and all of us. The vibe became "Casey is Bad" and Greta and Mickey picked up on it. What was "Wow he is so active!" became "Wow he is so horrible!"....I dont know how much of this Casey absorbed, but he did absorb it, and worsely, Greta and Mickey did, too. It was hard. It was all of 2005, truly, as I got pregnant in January and had the new baby November 1st, it was all of 2005 for all intents and purposes.

Casey did not take too well to his new brother. I knew he wouldn't. He was still nursing frequently when I had an unexpected c-section and was gone for six days. He barely even understood that I was pregnant, let alone going to be gone for six days and then returned completely decimated with some random new brother at his nursies...dont climb on mama, she has a boo-boo tummy...When I came home I was beginning the darkest days of my life, and my little Casey was just about as haunted as I was. I scarcely remember anything from that time, but I would wince and hope that Steve could somehow hold us all together without being too mean to Casey, as tall of an order as that was at the time. Like I said, those were the absolute most heartbreaking, harrowing, scary, lonely (!!!!), Earth shattering soul shattering blackest days I have ever known, so dark and so searingly disappointed and shocked I was, we all were, at the events around us, that I with my awesome memory can barely, barely tell you one thing from November or December 2005, and I can cry anytime, anywhere just thinking about that period. Shudder. NOT a cool time to be 2 years old.

The tornado is giving way to a breeze

2008-09-10T06:03:00.000-07:00

Hello! I haven't written the play by plays that I so wanted to because of sheer exhaustion! Who KNEW putting three kids in school would be such WORK???? Wasnt a sizeable component of this supossed to be "Cause Mama needs a break?" ....LOL

I am not sure where to start and waiting for my brain to feel crisp enough for a well thought out essay might not happen so here are some updates, if you will.

Casey. He absolutely LOVES Kindergarten. He cried that there was no school on Saturday. I am wondering what is it that is so up his alley, and I would say that it is the whole idea that he gets to wake up extremely early, immediately get dressed, get food shoved at him, and rush out the door to go have a big busy day! Woo hoo! Go gO go!!! Circle time! Song time! Snacky time! Gym class! Music time! Recess!!! Art!! Show and tell! go go go!!!! Line up! Get your backpacks! Mama is here!! Woo woo go go go !!!!!!

It is really right up his alley. I was worried that he might be wild and wiggly and disruptive and maybe even "bad", but so far no reports from anyone, and he seems really happy. Not tired, not overwhelmed, not sad. Cool!

In school, for the most part, what I have seen and heard and studied and taken in, is that their ideal scenario, as narrow and improbable as it might be, is that the child who enters kindergarten cannot read, and by first grade they can. So, I am going to teach Casey to read this year. Greta and Mickey could read by now, but I am glad Casey cant yet or else little worksheets about "The letter B" would be extremely insulting. It is presumptuous to assume I will be able to teach him to read, but it is the plan.

Mickey is in 3rd grade. I had worries about him that all got resolved yesterday, when, after I emailed her, his teacher called me on the phone after school. she was SO cool! She really loves the kids and cares so much about them! I was thoroughly impressed. She had so much insight into Mickeys personality already and had such positive ways of saying everything--she told me so much stuff that he wouldnt--8 year old boys! sheesh!---that he has tons of friends, that he is quiet and good in class (!!!!!) and that he is fitting right in. She had no idea that he was homeschooled (in all the correspondence I got into with the school regarding putting Greta into 5th grade instead of 6th, I sort of forgot about Mickey--meaning didnt warn anyone that this was his true first day of school!) and was amazed at how confidently he fit right in to all of the strange things they do in school. Lines, tests, bells, raising your hand, filling out a planner, hall passes, lunchroom, recess, all of it, she said he is just a wonderful friendly polite boy. (mother's heart beaming with relief and pride....)

Greta is in 5th grade and tells me LOTS about school. Follows me around the entire afternoon and evening telling me stuff. I am so grateful for this even if it is intense and even if she gets super mad when we are "interrupted" which is every 30 seconds. Her teacher is cool (and so beautiful!! hee hee) and the kids are nice-- well the boys are, she is much better friends with the boys, but let me know that the "reason the girls are so babyish and into ponies and hanna montana and stuff is not their fault, it is very common, Mom, its the media and it is their parents"............LOL Greta is great.

They are learning such impressive stuff, too--government and choir and social studies and lots of math. Math Math Math. but we have a new wonderful deal: She does it with Daddy, period. Those two can do math without getting emotional, whereas her and I cannot. I wish he would have been the math guy all these years! I would honestly say that in the past WEEK, she has gone from about a 3rd grade math level to right up to speed with the class. For real.

So, the kids are really doing well. But now for the hard stuff: can I just say HOLY CRAP THIS IS SO MUCH WORK FOR ME AND STEVE!!!!!

Ok, so the mornings, despite laying out EVERYTHING the night before, and i mean down to the entire breakfast table being set, are STRESSFUL! Yes we have a chart and yes we get them up early enough but DUDE. It is intense.

SO we all walk to school, bye bye.

Then me and Charlie and Eska go home, which has been nice. We are trying to relax, but there have been events almost everyday that prevent true mama-babies' hibernation. Phone calls to insurance, visiting, etc. But mostly it is cozy and gentle. I have had some flashbacks to back when i had just a tot and a baby, in 2000, and it was making me really sad, but now I am doing better with that, too. I have had some grieving process stuff for the life which I imagined when I was 25 and the life I have now, but I am quickly (at least today) getting really ok with what we have now and looking forward to the future, etc.

i have had to push Charlie's naps up to noon instead of 2pm, so we can be back at school by 3, but that has been pretty cool, too. it goes so fast.

I would like to take the babies to some cute stuff soon, library, play dates, park, but I also need to rest, ALOT, so so far we are just staying in. We did walk a far way to school yesterday and it was cool to find myself really looking at the trees in the neighborhood (I am obsessed with tree identification!) and loving the cooler weather and the new found mobility! (I was 37 weeks pregnant when we moved here, and then had the surgery, so I am just now getting out and about on foot and seeing the sights you miss in a car--the dogs, the birds, the trees!)

Yesterday I was a very good and darling housewife. I prepped the whole dinner during naptime and had laundry going the whole day. Before I loaded up my "red Cadillac" (the double stroller) I layed out healthy snacks and four drinks---the kids came home to a nice tidy house and we immediately did our Mama-Kid "conferences" on my big bed-- first Casey. Come in on my bed and tell me about your day. Show me your homework. Whats in your backpack. Ok go play!

Then Mickey's turn...show me your stuff, show me your last nights' homework, do I need to sign anything, how are your friends, how was gym, how was your lunch, tell me stuff!

Then Greta's turn. She's got the best truthful stories about the weird kids and the strange kids, the nice kids, the evil kids, and her take on the curriculum is amazing. She is about as mature as I was when I was about 29. Swear to God. She is taking to this new intense rigorous stuff so well, and so far seems so free of the self-doubt and insecurities that absolutely plagued my school years, even if/when I was popular, I would say about 99% of my energies went into what the others were thinking of me...she just really couldn't care less. What a gift!

So far it is a fabulous school and my kids have impressed me immensely. I am adjusting to this new lifestyle bit by bit, and each day seems to have the potential to be a little less dominated by sadness, regret, grief and remorse and more filled with the quiet and simple enjoyment of Charlie and Eska, and some nice housewifey stuff like cutting vegetables and washing dishes and opening mail right when it arrives. So far everything is pretty cool. I miss my fantasy-life, if that makes any sense whatsoever, but I do NOT miss my chaotic screaming fighting horrible life that was August.
More soon...

They liked it! And I am still a mother! : )

2008-09-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

the kids had a blast today on their first day of school. A genuine blast. They loved their teachers, they had so much fun, they were super happy to see me and the little ones, and they had cool stuff in their new backpacks. It was only a 1/2 day, so it was a cool "trial run", but they honestly had a really good time.

Steve and I overshot it on getting ready...we were all bored and ready about 45 minutes before we had to be : ) but it was fine.

As I walked home with Charlie and Eska, it was odd. I didnt really know what to think. I was trying to re-imagine back in the day when Greta and Mickey were all I had, but that made me feel really sad/nostalgic, so I just decided to not do much of anything. We played with tangrams a little, I nursed the baby alot, we made a batch of cookies, (pre-made dough, don't get too impressed!) and then we went back to pick up the kids at 11:20. Being in different grades, they all had different entry/exit doors, but we all found each other and it was all good. They were super super happy and excited and we got home to our lunch and our air conditioning (It was 90 today!)

One sucky thing: while waiting for Casey to come out, I was holding the baby and I stepped backwards and there was nothing there, and I fell hard onto the parking blocks/concrete. (I took a hard fall about 5 weeks ago and injured my shoulder and knee so this was a scary flashback...I was holding the baby that time, too!)

I screamed, someone took the baby, I got up, and I acted like I was fine, but my right ankle turned badly and my knees both bled through my jeans as well as my elbow : (

I was very excited to turn the twice daily walk to school into some exercises and now cant even bear weight on my right foot. Twinkle toes, hmm? When you are six foot one and have no core muscles whatsoever, I guess that makes you an instable structure, huh? I feel like one and worry alot. I am so glad the baby is fine, again, but I wish I could take her to a chiropractor, taking such hard falls cant be cool.

Tomorrow is their first full day and I realized very much that I am still a mother. Might sound silly but I felt like 'I was giving my children up for adoption or they were moving out or something. Truly. but here we are, fighting over video game controllers and begging for juice boxes, same as ever, and I feel very very glad.

calmer...

2008-08-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry...I really could have offended SO many people with that last post. But I am not taking it down, it is important to me and maybe some of you, to chronicle the emotions involved in my life.

People whose children go to school are not being sold, and the purpose of our family doing school is not to have a clean house. I think the kids will learn more at school this year, and I think that we have moved to a neighborhood where we feel ok with the school district, even though we do not believe that age-segregated mass "learning" or teaching to the standardized tests reallyhave much value in human life, the kids will most likely have an interesting time, and it might be great and it might not and this is what we are doing.

I can be comedic, extreme, etc, and this is the side of me that got me all the readers in the first place. I never want to deliberatly offend anyone though, so I am sorry if I upset anyone.

blablabla sell your children for that lemony shine

2008-08-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

So, just who I am anymore? Who are we? I am so numb with exhaustion and defeat and shame and confusion about this getting ready for school stuff, I cant speak about it. There's the folks who are a little too excited about this, if you catch my drift, whom I cant talk to at all about my sadness and fears and complete loss of identity because they are so enmeshed in this being so wonderful and them never having bothered to get to know me or be a part of our lives when we were a wonderful happy homeschooling family, therefore will not and cannot and do not get what I am so upset about....then theres my homeschooling friends who, come on, are gonna think "well you dont have to do this", naturally....so I can gripe to them, but they are right, except, I do have to do this, because we arent a happy homeschooling family anymore, we are a jumbled nightmare of fighting and screeching and idiotic behaviors...exceot it isnt turly "we", it is Casey.

So I "reached out" today, at the doctor, and practically begged for help with him, and was totally blown off. If they only knew what a huge thing that was for me to do, maybe , oh I dont know. Myu principles, ym pride, my beliefes, my dreams, my plans, all gone gone gone, and I stand naked before these Big Important Institutions, I come to them and hand them my children, and then, what? What am I in for?

The loss of my family and life as I know it is --just--indescribable.

So I wait. And I go get my little kids pumped full of vaccinations, and I buy them liscenced products, and I smile and nod along to all the people who tell me how wonderful it is going to be, and how --I truly have no idea--clean my floors will be or something, home for 7 hours a day with *only* a 2 year old and a newborn.

Maybe I will "succeed" at floors. Maybe this is where I am now. A Floor-Wiper.

I just wish there was one person in this world who not only knows what a great and wonderful mother I used to be, but who knows what I dreamed of, what I was doing, where I was headed with these precious kids, just not so long ago, and then and maybe only then, will the pain I am in be slightly slightly slightly able to be understood.

No, this isnt about me, it is about the kids. An education, and all that stuff. Yeah yeah yeah. I am joining in the mass delusion that we give birth to hand the offspring over to the machine, so it can crank out good workers. Yeah yeah, pledge allegiance, yeah yeah, 50 th percentile, 50 th percentile, rah rah sis boom bah, oh how my floors will shine.

but somehow, some way, this nightmare will end. I will raise my children in the good and right way, the way that I know to be right, the way that me and my husband believe in, and the way that will nourish their spirits and help them grown to be themselves and to be whole and sound. Waldorf, log cabins, nature study, literature, God help us all , public school!!!!!and I hope that the incredible amount of running around I have had to do, the hours in the plastic car seat my newborn baby has had to endure, all in the name of getting the children ALL SIGNED UP (big harsh grin) is somehow worth it.

I am trying to tell myself that it takes a village to raise a child and that since my children literally have no outside support or help, that maybe this is what The Jonses Do and that it will be so cool. But as of now, I am just utterly mortified.
they start Tuesday the 2nd.

I have failed. This was never suppossed to happen. i hope i can use this year to completly revolutionize myself. i dont know what else to say. My homeschhol is a failure, that is what this is about. Every book on my bookshelf mocks me, breaks my heart. The emails from 2 counties' homeschool lists, the catalogs, the posters, our little cupboard that says "French", "History", "Music" on it....Do i sell them all for spongebob fruit roll ups' money, or do i hang in there? DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYONE WHO SENT THE KIDS FOR A YEAR, MADE THE BEST OF IT, AND THEN STARTED FRESH?

Maybe I could Homeschool IF...: )

2008-08-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

Some of the amenities that the schoolteachers have sound mighty scrumptious to me. Let me give you an example or two! Please enjoy this silly little passage and know that I know how hard teachers really work, etc.

Maybe I could homeschool IF:

The kids all showed up at 8 am, already fed, already dressed, some other poor soul left to deal with puddles of maple syrup, dripping milk, bubbly toothbrushes, little mixed up socks, and a tipped-over shoe basket.

There was a lunchtime, and it didn't involve me whatsoever, some other poor soul left to deal with food allergies, picky eaters, ketchup blobs, cut off my crusts, scooby-doo macaroni in the treads of their shoes.

Nobody would call me at my "job", no pals no solicitors no disgruntled family members...nor would I be expected to pay bills, call the electric company, fix the television, wipe someone's bottom, or change one single diaper. That's what my assistant would be for.

All the little darlings would leave at 3pm. No need to describe that one. Bye!!!! See ya next time!!

And then, what I really really love to envision: My Own Lesson Planning Quiet Time. Ahhhh, yes, the quiet sunny empty classroom, my desk, my chair, my respected and real alone-time, and not at 11pm with a baby hanging off my breast, but right there, at 3pm.

(Janitor cleans the schoolroom. Lets not forget that one.)

: P

My children are going to public school this year.

2008-08-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well, if I keep waiting for the perfect time-slot to write a perfectly penned essay about this, it just isn't ever going to happen: so here goes:

Greta, Mickey, and Casey are going to elementary school this fall-- in a few weeks, as a matter of fact! What changes have occurred in this household, such a whirlwind.

Like I said, I will have time when I have time, lots of poignant thoughts and theories, I hope, but here are some facts to get us started:

We moved to a new town June 1st, and all I knew was that it was going to save us money to get into a smaller more energy efficient place, and that the new house was "cute". I had no idea, no concept that this was going to be some wonderful, close-knit neighborhood, truly 1951, where everyone knows everyone and they all watch out for each other's kids and are all involved to the hilt in the community, the neighborhood and the schools. We had a block party, I sit out on the front step and wave, wave, wave to all the people, and the kids! There are just gaggles of them, mostly boys, last count there were THIRTEEN little boys on OUR BLOCK, a couple of girls too across the street and behind our house, but the kids made such good friends with these children all right under our noses. While I was 9 months pregnant and truly bed-ridden, they were playing with all these children-- an entirely new thing for us, to have kids to just casually hang out with without some big formal PLAY-DATE...we just never lived by any kids! So it was soon "Can I go over so and so's house? Can so and so come in our yard? Can I go around the block?"

All this normal childhood stuff, it was all new to us. So naturally, the conversations of schooled-children that are very focused on What Grade Are You In/How Old Are You/What School Do You Guys Go To was omnipresent. It turns out all of the kids go to the nearby school--VERY nearby. as in 2 blocks away. So Steve and I started talking.....and well, we talked and talked and obsessed and cried and worried and soul searched and obsessed and talked some more. But we never talked to the kids-- we wanted to "present a unified front" or something. But then last week it just came up by itself, and it turns out that Greta wanted to go to this new neighborhood's school but was under the impression that I would "be sad" (!!!!!) And when I presented the idea to Mickey, it only took a minute of looking at the website of the school for him to say yes he wants to go and that he was "gonna get straight A's!" so cute.

At first this all started with Casey. He is so "ACTIVE"....that literally he had to go somewhere. Somewhere. Breaking stuff, running away, screaming, hiding, lying, it was him and him alone that were going to "let" try school for a year. I thought he would go to either morning or afternoon Kindergarten and I could teach the others then. But now that they all are going, I must say, WOOHOO!

This is all new to us. Only Greta has gone to school before, she attended nursery school, one of those drop them off and turn right around and pick them up types of deals, a couple mornings a week. It was cute and she liked it. I always have approved of nursery school, if a family has the luxury of it being just for fun and not for needed Childcare, it can be precious! the little songs, the little chairs, the camaraderie-- very sweet. It was school proper that I had and have huge reservations about, and still do.

So....why? Why now? What is this about? Defeat? Failure? Quitting? New Baby? Toddlers on crack and Mama a near-dead dishrag not capable of "teaching" anyone anything except how to swear and how to look 10 years older each morning? Exciting new adventure? New chapter in our lives? The Time Is Right? A terrible deconstruction and collapse of everything we believe in due to post partum depression and non-existent recovery from my c section of EIGHT weeks ago? No no yes yes who knows....but they are excited and I always said that we would "reassess each fall to see if this was still right for us" (Homeschooling) and this year no it isn't.

Oh, its all of that and more-- but the mood is excitement, and the luxury of not having to do this is palpable. I am still a stay at home Mom. I still have a 2 year old and a 8 week old, a household to manage and kids who will be home at 3. I don't see any Bon-Bons or hours of TiVo'ed Oprah in my near future. but it IS weird! Oh god this is weird.

So here are some background tidbits:

My mother in law cleans the home of a counselor at the school and i am supposed to call her and she will "make sure my kids are okay". Cool! I have lots of questions for her.

We are putting Greta in 5th grade, which she is totally ok with. She technically should be going into 6th grade, but we have been reassured that there are plenty of kids in 5th grade who will be 11 years old and quite a few folks have told us that this is a great decision. We didn't want her going from home directly into Middle School, if you don't understand why, maybe your middle school was different than mine was, but um, it isn't elementary school, that's for sure. From the academic standpoint to the social ones, she isn't ready for that and she knows it and we know it and so all three children will be going to the little elementary school right around the corner, together, for one year.

Mickey is going into 3rd and Casey is going into Kindergarten. I found out that they only have full day Kindergarten now and I was quite disappointed, I think that is "alot" for a little one, and yet...after lunch it is rest time and then before you know it they are home. And if any kid could handle it, its Casey. So they will all be gone, from 8ish to 3ish.

I am going to have a super duper snack ready for them when they get home, and will help them with all of their homework, I will walk them there and pick them up whenever it is decent weather or they don't want me to, maybe Ill be on the PTA?!

My mom helped us a bit with buying them some "School clothes" (ah the zillions of benefits of homeschooling..sigh..) but they still need so much stuff, the supplie list is long and they need check ups and vision tests and lunchboxes and backpacks and shoes and...

For now I am not going to change the name of the blog. I feel that the essence of Homeschooling IS love, and although my love for my children is larger than the universe itself, our household is exhausted, stressed out, chaotic and cross, and I am stepping down from the one thing I feel the strongest about in all of my "causes"-- raising and teaching and learning alongside my little ones. It is humbling and sad but I also have no interest in doing anything else right now--no choice, really--my "tank" is empty, below empty, I am a cardboard facade of a mother and they need projects and field trips and lessons and adventures; so I will try really hard to focus on the fact that I am so so lucky that they are happy about this and that we live in such a nice and sweet little town with such a nice school so close by.

Miss Mason, I didnt forget you,,,well I didnt mean to anyhow!

2008-07-06T10:38:00.001-07:00

If anyone still reads this poor dear old beloved thing, let me promise you one thing:
I am still here, we are still going to homeschool, and I have been incredibly fortunate enough to be back on track when i was so lost and so doubt-filled: We are giving Charlotte Mason a try again. but this time, no pregnancies, no babysitting, no bartending, no moving to a new house.

(thank you Kelley XOXOXOXO)

It is July, I am 3 weeks postpartum, and so now I return to Karen Andreola's classic, A Charlotte Mason Companion. Chapter one. Literally touching this book makes me feel good and right and wonderful. Its all lumpy from reading it so many times in the bathtub--LOL makes me love it even more, coffee stains, jelly on it...: )

I dont know if it will ever be possible to explain to you all the void that has been in my life and how much worrying and wondering I have sufferted through once we stopped using this approach to living and learning. It is going to be a long road, especially for the older kids, to reel them back from Cartoon Network and Nintendo back to Nature Notebooks and Poetry, but when our "Big Talks" happen in August, it is going to be made abundantly clear that this is our last year of trying to homeschool or else we will try school. Not as a threat, not as a punishment, not as a failure, but as a simple fact.

These children need consistency and structure and goodness, they deserve it, it is their right, and I am about 95% sure that we can do this. We have moved to a dear and small and simple and cheerful house that is so perfect for the kind of lifestyle we want to live now...it realy helps!

I love them so much and I feel so sure and good in my heart about this. Looking forward....
Mamajoy

Van woes

2008-05-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like we are not going to be able to afford a new van in time for the new baby. So we are stuck with our minivan, and it is about the worst kind you can have for lots of kids. Not only does it have only one sliding door, but it has those idiotic "captains chairs". SO you truly, truly cannot reach the back seat as an adult. Also, the back seat, the thrid row, has no head rests! It just didn't come with them, the 1996 Ford Windstars' third rows just are a bench, so if your kid's head whips backward, I guess their head comes off? Sheesh.

Right now we have Mickey and Casey in the back row. We have Greta and Charlie in the middle 2 chairs and I drive. There is no way we could get the fifth child in there without...well, I really don't know. I guess we could do the baby-bucket-carseat in the middle of the back row and have Greta and Mickey sit on either side, but then the whole no-headrests thing...and who is going to get her back there? I cant reach, certainly, so I guess we would need to hire a miniature chauffeur to do that. Then we would have to put the 2 little boys in the captains chairs, and again, who would reach all the way over to do their straps?

I wanted a full size van, like a church bus. But our tax return, again, went to the heat bill and a few household items and 300$ in copays/medicines from being sick.

So I thought of an idea. I was thinking that Greta could sit up front with me if we got the airbag disabled. So I looked it up online and it turns out it is kind of controversial. But I found this article and thought it was quite interesting. On the occasions when we all go out as a family, Steve can crawl back and do all the seatbelts, I guess. I sure cant. I will seriously get stuck.

Even if I couldn't get a nice big van, I wish we had our old van. It was also a 1996, but it had 2 sliding doors and the middle row was a bench seat that sat 2 kids. I could easily access every seat in the car, and they all had headrests, thank you very much! It was a Dodge Grand Caravan and it was awesome.

Heres the thing, though: How do you sell you own van to get a different one if it is your only vehicle? How do you get your only vehicle sold and then go look at new ones when you now are without a vehicle? Do you see what I mean, there we are, lets say, standing in our driveway with $2000 cash in our hands from selling our current van-- what now, roller skate? I just do not understand.

I see other minivans and vans online all the time that are the same monetary value as ours, but how to negotiate the transaction is blowing my mind. Never, ever get a one-sliding door minivan. You cant access most of the seats in the car. Even if you are willing or able to crawl through the ketchup and legos and baby wipes and grind your knees into the snow scraper and the leaking sippy cup and the spilled sunscreen, even if you don't care who sees your pants spilt or what happens to your spine or sanity, can you really run to multiple stores in a scenario like this? And what about when it is snowing, and the whole floor is black water?

Who invented the 96 Windstar, and why why why?

Zoo Day

2008-04-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

To go to the zoo, for our family, for one day, is $68. TO buy a 12-month Zoo Pass is $70. So....
We got a zoo pass! Friday, on Daddy's 1/2 day.

It was beautiful weather, and we live very close to a big zoo. The kids have been begging to go there for about 2 years and we always say yes yes yes real soon and then we don't go.

All the animals were in happy-spring form, instead of lazing about like they do in the hot hot summer they were pretty frolick-y, even the Tiger, so that was super cool! We saw the flamingos all upset because a random goose was in their swimming water, and we saw 2 grizzly bears hug each other. We saw a hippo swimming completely under water with just his nostrils out, and we saw a darling baby zebra! I even got to see my hilarious favorite Capybara, i don't know why he cracks me up so much but "giant guinea pig" is just a hoot to me.

What stunk, and was surprising kind of, was that even though I have been perfectly capable of walking around huge stores and the neighborhood, it seemed like from the moment we got out of the van I was bowled over with sort of permanent contractions. I really really wanted a wheelchair! Every step was killing me, I was even crying at some point! EVERYONE was like "lets just leave, Mama" but I felt ridiculous and guilty and so it was fun and not fun. It was about 65 degrees and windy...but I felt like I was 10 months pregnant crossing the Sahara! My entire midsection was hard as arock and I could barely move my legs. The Train was closed or else we probably would have taken it back to the beginning where they did indeed have wheelchairs. Sheesh! So embarassing!

Well, being Miss Can't Walk stunk, but we are really happy to have the pass. We can go there anytime we want, and it is just a lovely place to walk and sight see. We have the option to go there on mini-trips and big trips and one-parent/some kids, etc all the way until next April 11th. I saw lots and lots of little babies there and it got me excited for when that will be us again soon : )

Oh, the Joys of being home again

2008-04-11T05:11:00.001-07:00

Good Morning, dear birds

Good Morning, dear house

Good Morning, dear children

Your Mama is not a bartender anymore, your Mama goes to bed at pm instead of am now

Your Mama washes the dishes and cooks the dinner, too

Your Mama isnt confused, distracted, exhausted, on edge

It is 7 in the morning and she is awake before you are, even the baby sleeps in now it seems

The floors are all swept

The kitchen is gleaming

Pancakes are coming, and laundry is clean

When you tumble out of your beds, you will look into her bed,

but Mama's not in there,

she's ready and waiting

With pancakes and pencils

and cheerful CD's

Your feet won't be covered

in crusty old food crumbs

Your schoolwork's not crumpled or missing or "lost"

Come to the table

Right by the big window

Come look at the tree buds

and eat up your breakfast

and clean up the dishes

We're back to what's good.

Third Trimester and no mean mommy?

2008-03-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am taking it SLOW. For real. As in, we laze and lounge and rest and chill and meander and graze and shamble and lounge. I feel no guilt, only sweet goodness and rightness. It is not because I am so huge yet, or so ill, as I am neither huge or ill. But I am a third trimester Mama who finally gets it, the whole greeting-card stuff about how quickly it all goes, and how the dust bunnies can wait and dont sweat the small stuff, I get it I get it I get it and ooooh is it good.

This is how I am not having crying jags. this is how I am not having swelling, headaches, blood pressure stuff, angry outbursts, fits of stress. This is how I nest, I suppose. Of course I make meals, change diapers, read stories, play games. I am still a bartender, even, and yeah the house doenst look 1/2 bad. Well, yes, it looks just that. Half bad. But not all the way bad. We do our 4 o'clock cleanup and I made a menu and we bought food from it and are following it. Lots of educational tv shows, lots of kids making stuff, lots of canteloupe and popcorn and cheese is your lunch...and everyone seems really chill about it all. I like this. I am not going to change it up. It is working. I cant believe how calm I feel. Really really interesting. We played with our musical instruments and toys this morning from about 8:30 to 11, it was a riot! Hope I can afford a little videocamera soon, Charlie jumping up and down with sunglasses, a diaper, and socks with his eyes closed and a plastic flute halfway down his throat was tru YouTube stuff! Precious babies, I hope the amnesia Fairies take away all their old memories of pregnant Mommy because I used to be such a demon. Poor sweet little kids, I love them so so much.

A new website for homeschooling..maybe

2008-03-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

After our short-lived run last year with Cosmeo, we have been sort of wary of trying to get all into any "learning" websites. Cosmeo could be really cool, but it was always breaking and crashing and it was becoming very frustrating and disappointing for me AND the kids. Maybe it works better now, maybe the glitches are out, but I am not in the mood for the energy it took just to get to a little lesson on fractions or blue whales, it was very confusing to operate.

Many people on one of my homeschooling lists have been talking about a site called Time4Learning. So I checked it out just now and it seems pretty cute. There is a free trial period (essential!!!) and it is like 20 bucks a month, (about the price of NetFlix that we are too tired too ever watch the movies from) so we might do it. It has timers so you can set the lesson time from like 15 minutes onward, and it tracks their progress, etc. It seems friendly and cool. If you have kids who are very comfortable and happy with computers versus paperwork like mine are, this might go down quite easily.

More if we actually try it for real....in the meantime, come on, spring!

Whats up with bike helmets

2008-03-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

Why do bike helmets sit all loose and teeter-y on the tippy top of kids' heads? what is that? Who falls off of their bike in a perfect 180 degree upside-down arc? Does anyone really know the answer to this? Is it because if they were more like motorcycle/football helmets, there would be obstructed vision?
Casey wears a bike helmet all the time in the house lately, don't ask me why, and I just stare at the thing and it confounds me.

Scout inspired

2008-03-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

As far as homeschool...we are kind of like in "August Mode" now. Except instead of "When we start school" everything is "When Mama is done working". My job has wiped me out now, officially. The day after I work I am almost useless. I cant form thoughts or keep my temper under check at all. I want to eat in bed and thats about it. Of course, I manage and the kids are doing lovely things almost all day long, but its not what I want, you know? I feel like a phony and a blob and I hate it.

anyhow, 3 more weeks and I am a full time Mom again. We have a great new idea: Inspired by Mickey's new Wolf Cub Scout Handbook, and Greta's Junior Girl Scout Handbook, we are going to use the activities in these scouting guides for our days. We have no shortage of workbooks, and the kids are willing to do them, but it is the "Activities" that I have been coming up blank on. Just cute nice activities that dont require massive amounts of money or narrow age groups--thats where the scouting guides come in. These are the dearest nicest old fashioned books I have ever seen in a long time. We can work on real badges right at home, and I guess we should do that, but I dont even care. I just love the lessons and accessibility of these ideas. From sports to nature to math and science, morals, citizenship, and very un-digital life skills that could very well get lost once Grandparents are no longer alive, I really appreciate these books and feel ashamed that I didnt really check them out until last night when Mickey had his first Cub Scout meeting and he was reading the book to me from the backseat. "Look, Mama! Marbles! Knot tying! How to build a door jam! Table Tennis, whats that?! Birds, I know all these birds! How to make a birdfeeder! Bow and Arrows! (gulp) All the flags of all the states! Ultimate Frisbee! Bowling!"

I was impressed and inspired. And I have always wanted to "do" Greta's book with her, but just havent fit it in. So these will be our springboards starting in April. I appreciate all the inspiration in my swollen brain, inspiration has been low and guilt has been high.

Today it is supposed to get to 43 degrees, a virtual heat wave (dead serious) so we are going to go on a small outdoors outing, perhaps a nature center for a little trail walk. We are all probably so out of shape, a 1/2 mile paved trail will be a nice start and hopefully somewhat dry for our feet. Rosy cheeks are the opposite of what this family has right now, and will take many weeks to build up the children to what I consider a healthy amount of vigor.

Like Charlotte Mason and many late 1880's contemporaries, I feel in my truest heart that children belong out of doors for much of their days, all year 'round. You might think it is fractions or Thomas Jefferson that has me feeling homeschool-Mama-deficient but it is not, it is access to the out of doors that I truly lament. I VOW that next year this will regain its priority in our family, like it was at out old house. It was a shoddy, rickety old place, but we had a magnificent yard and we were out there late morning and back out from mid-afternoon until supper and beyond, seriously all year round. EXPLORING.

there is less opportunity for exploring here, and alot of our property is unfenced. Going on walks is much more difficult because even though I live in a very normal suburban area, we have a very "rural" lack of sidewalks and it is weird and hard to push the stroller or get the little bikes all managed when we have to go in the street so much...but oh well. Its no excuse. Karen Andreola, in my favorite book of all time, told of nature walks with her children when they lived in downtown London flats, and so I have no excuse. There are critters and flora here in our back and front yards, as well as 2 parks we can walk to and the rest, well, we may have to drive and thats ok, too.

When I compare our homeschool to what I want it to be, we fall very short. But when I compare our homeschool to SCHOOL, I know that the children are very, very V E R Y lucky and very very blessed to have access to such precious days with me, each other, and their friends. This is what keeps me going and this is what it is right now.

Looking forward to spring and not working and boy/girl scout based activities and the new baby and all of it....
MamaJoy

Tres Cool new deal

2008-02-27T05:39:00.001-08:00

Homeschooling families will more than understand why this is going on this blog and not, say, Hearth and Home....homeschooling is living with children, not from 8 to 3, not a few days a week, but always and forever, and all of us know how much the home life has to do with our days...with no janitorial crew, no recess to speak of, no lunch lady or vacations, the running of the home is a massive part of it all, and that is both normal and good. I am glad my kids are not separated into some strange place where "Somebody" cleans it all for them after hours, "Somebody" gives them food through a little opening in the wall, and "Somebody" chooses everything for them, and they have no idea why or how. Sounds like a recipe for yet another generation of people who don't know how to do anything and have to hire out, order out, etc...

We have finally come up with a wonderful new ritual, or technique, if you will. It is only day three, so I feel a little hasty posting about it already, but I am so proud and excited that I simply must report!

Monday morning I told the kids that we were going to try an experiment. I told them that nobody (meaning, Mommy pretty much) was going to clean or tidy ANYTHING until 4 o'clock. I told them over and over that I expect cheerfulness when 4pm arrives, and if I heard one sigh, huff, or puff, then there would be some loss of privileges, namely no video games. I gave them many many heads-ups during the day, "Three hours till we clean!"...."27 minutes until cleaning time!".......but I must admit, I was getting worried. What if I really just sat and played with and enjoyed my actual children all day, and then it all backfired, and they didn't clean, and they fussed and I screamed and the whole place was a disaster......but we waited it out until 4:00.

Right at 4, with clock-obsessed Mickey chiming in, and me steeling myself with the best faux-confidence ever, I called out "Its 4 o'clock!!! time to clean!!!" We all held hands in a little circle (I am not kidding) and I said "Lets not rush, lets not freak out. If you want a task, then just ask Mama. If you want to just pick up stuff and put it where it goes, then go ahead"......and I went in the kitchen, locked the baby gate behind me, and started in on my dishes.

Some kids wanted a task, and I said stuff like "Put all the garbage in the garbage cans!", "Pick up all the blankets and put them on my bed", "Bring me all the cups".....some kids wanted to just go do their own thing. Casey is an awesome, awesome vacuumer, and he got the floors cleaned with the hose attachment in no time.

I washed the dishes and cleaned the countertops and before I could even sweep the floor, they were telling me they were done. I didn't believe them, so I handed out even a few more rather random chores from behind the gate like "Polish the bathroom faucet with those wipe things" and "Swiffer the windowsills".......then they were done again! I put down my broom to come see the house. It was completely clean, every single room. The time was 4:27, and we had an enormous group-hug! I gushed on and on about what little tornadoes they were--we all were--and what a wonderful new life we could have if Mama could really be with them all day and if Daddy could play with them all night. (seriously impossible before!)

We did it again yesterday, and the house was SO messy from crafts and toys and such that I told them that it was totally ok if it took more than 27 minutes.........but I kid you not, it took 18 minutes this time!

We feel like geniuses, both proud and free. Daddy was ecstatic when he got home, and they did play all night Monday while I was at work, and last night we all had a linger-y dinner and then did a bit of Wii bowling before a very smooth bedtime...Casey at 7:30, Charlie at 7:45, Greta and Mickey at 8, but they get to watch a movie in the "kid's lounge". Tuesday is my night off work and so is like Mama+Dada's date night, really, and so we watched a funny movie of our own, and fell asleep on the couch. Hot date, huh? LOL it was actually really great to be off of my feet, unlike at work, and to lounge my pregnant tired legs up on my left side in comfy clothing, talking to my favorite person in the galaxy.

We walked through the clean hall to our clean bedroom around 2am, and slept soundly until 6:15 when the alarm and Charlie both called to us that Wednesday was here.

Yes we are alive...

2008-02-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

Homeschool is still love, and we are of course, still here! We have suffered some astonishing bouts of sickness as well as a 2 year old who is having a phase to say the least, and well, the excuses of why I haven't blogged could go on for a long time!

We are enjoying Campfire Scouts as well as spending lots of time with our fave family of friends....we haven't gone too many places, because that means I would have to drive Daddy to work to have the car, and Brrrrrr it is cold out there in the dark mornings.......but we are buying a 2nd vehicle soon and this will change our lives significantly, for obvious reasons. Our homeschool will have a new member this June and we will no longer fit in our minivan!

We are doing alot of house rearranging and this has gotten us to realize how many wonderful books we have and how we really do not need to go to the library,( even though we love libraries!) it is so hard right now with 2 year old Charlie's issues, and the slushy parking lots and just the whole ordeal of it-- we are delving into our own books, some seeing themselves becoming newly beloved by little Casey and Charlie, some "hard" books being discovered by Greta and Mickey...its nice.

The days are long and like everyone else with little ones, we are going a bit batty from this all. Normal February stuff, but hard nonetheless. We look forward with great great excitement to parks and museums and bike rides and Nature Centers and continued health and exploration. I hope everyone elses homeschool journeys have been more cozy than stressful, more loving than crabby and more fun than boring. I will be blogging much more in a few weeks when I am done working outside of the home and I get my camera recharged and new batteried!

stomach flu wipes out entire family

2008-01-30T09:43:00.000-08:00

...probably wont be blogging for a few days....

Cookie fun!

2008-01-26T16:14:00.000-08:00

My dear friend was kind enough to post about our fun day making cookies, here is the link to some fun and cute pictures of our yummy day!

Memories needed

2008-01-21T12:32:00.000-08:00

Do any of you remember "Chinese Jump Rope"??? I am going to be relearning about this game, which consumed my life from 3rd to 5th grade, and to hear who played it, who remembers it and what if any variants you remember, so I can teach it to my own clan! It was the game where you had two people with the "rope" around their ankles, and one jumper in between them. It was a jumping game, not a twirling game. the rope was usually a piece of string, but if you were lucky, you might have an honest to goodness elastic Chinese jump rope. (Everything I can find online today is not how we played it....)

Here is what I remember:
In-out-side by side-on-in-out

I do not remember any of the "levels" besides "broomstick" and "wides"

If any of this is making sense to any of you, no matter what you have to contribute,even just memories please write me back!!!

January Fun

2008-01-08T09:42:00.001-08:00

Happy New School Year to all!

We have decided to start a "co-op" with just one other family, our kids' closest friends and my bestest homeschooling Mama friend ever. Their kids are 12, 7 and 3 and everyone gets along fabulously and we have decided to play for certain, every Tuesday. This is a welcome thing for me, as I am needing things to be very scheduled lately, or else I will just rest. I could give up anything for rest, even food, which always is a bad choice when pregnant. So, if there are plans then it helps me tremendously.

Yesterday we had them over for a meeting of the minds. Me and Trish and all 7 of our kids wrote on the dry-erase board everything that we want this co-op to be. We have readers, non readers, fans of all different types of activities and I was worried that the group would be more divided but everyone was just 100% enthusiastic. the ideas we have so far are roughly divided into "Things we are going to do at the house" and "Field trips"

Here was everything that the kids came up with:

Nature Center

Crafts

Science kit/Chemistry

Sculpey/Femo (oven drying clay)

Cooking

Insects

Experiments

Reading

Making Videos

Science Center

Library

Art Institute

Music

Nature Study

Sports

Another big part of this is the fact that we are starting our own "book club". After some mediocre to abysmal experiences with other book clubs in the past, we decided to do one on our own terms--after all, the spirit of the thing is to motivate kids to read--even ones who already like to read could always use a little boost to read MORE, right? We want something that gets us to the libraries (we want to see lots more of them in our library-loaning system, there are so many!) that gets us spending more time reading to and with the kids, and that gets the older ones to do more independent reading. Stickers, little trinkets, charts, and something "big" at the end like a pizza party or a gift certificate to a bookstore would be the grand prize at the end (June?) We are still thinking about all the details.

The first thing I want to do, that all the kids seemed "into" was a unit about the Wright Brothers and the beginning of aviation. We will start with some biography-style books from the library and then build some little planes and then maybe --hopefully--take a field trip to The Henry Ford museum and see the real deal. A Unit Study! Yay!

Well, the Christmas break from my work helped us get our house ALOT back on track and I am happy about that. We switched around our living room which I like to do when the xmas tree comes down, so it isnt so drastically "bare" and sad. I love the new setup and hope to keep it this way for a long time. The house looks bigger and we are facing the windows and the southern exposure of the sun that comes in here about 2 hours each afternoon...lovely!

Campfire Scouts started back up and the meeting went fairly smoothly I must admit! Trish and I, who are the leaders of the "Little Stars" group (age 6 and under) brought in big frozen bowls of ice and the children got to sprinkle rock salt on the ice and see how the crystals are formed and broken. Then we put food coloring on the melting/crackling ice and the color seeped down and illustrated the intricate ice patterns very well. We cut out some paper snowflakes, ate our snack and were on our way. Cool!

Its Girl Scout cookie time again, and business has been slow indeed. Greta has sold 2 boxes so far and says she wont go back if thats all she sells, so I hope Daddy and I dont have to buy 150 boxes ourselves this year...Steve is going to take the form in to his work, but he doesnt work at the kind of place where a ton of people buy a ton of cookies. But Greta is still in Girl Scouts, and tonight I have a meeting for Mickey's possible new Boy Scout troop! This is a very open and liberal troop and hopefully will work out for him. His best friend is going to be joining it and I think it is time for something disciplined and structured without me for Mickey. Its very cool that it will be on Tuesday nights because that is my ONE night I am free. It stinks though because that was the one night I could have prenatal appointments....although we might be able to do it on the weekends, or maybe late after Boy Scouts. But tonight is a parents meeting so I am anxious to go check it out.

Details to follow! How have you all been?

MamaJoy

Apologies and clarifications

2007-12-29T17:27:00.001-08:00

Beloved Readers, both folks and people alike;

I broke my own rule, and, for the first time ever, wrote a blog post that mentioned my mother. I wrote about some negative things that happened at the Christmas Day gathering at her house and I didn't write about anything nice and it upset her. I think she reads and hopes that I will mention her and I never do and then the one time I ever did, it was to relate some frustrations I had over the electronic gifts we got our kids this year and nothing else positive was said.

I am not sure if this will be considered too little, too late but we did have fun over there. The kids were happy to see everyone, the house looked splendid as usual, the lights display was the best in the neighborhood, and the present exchange went really well, very smoothly, and we had tasty snacks. Their entire basement has been redone by my step father and it is a playworld of fun and a lovely room to be in, built in fish tank and working kitchen and everything, even a train track you can really ride on. We even got to see her amazing beautiful cat, who usually hides when kids come around, but showed her face for the Holiday, much to the delight of all 7 grandkids who have never ever seen such a fancy kitty.

My sister did ask me about my pregnancy and it was great to see her little 3 month old baby girl who is growing so fast, as well as her 2 other sweet children who I wanted to sneak into my van and take home, I miss them so much.

I am writing this entry to not only clarify that good times were had at Mom's, but for a more important clarification, one that will hopefully mean a lot to straighten out lots of misunderstandings for my mom, and for anyone else who may wonder, so here goes:

When I say "Folks", "People", or "My friends and Family", I do not mean my mother. Repeat: When I say things about "Folks", "People", or "My friends and Family", I do not mean my mother.

I have a pretty good sized bunch of friends in my life, some gone, some here to stay. I also have a decent sized family, with a Mother, a Step-Father, a Mother-in-Law, a Father-In-Law, a Grandmother, 1 uncle, 2 Aunts, and several Aunts and Uncles-in-law, a sister and brother in law, and a brother and sister in law---so the one time last spring that I referred to "My Family" on the Breast and Belly blog, it was this extended group to whom I was referring, not Mom.
I will continue to blog in '08 and I hope that many people can get something out of what it is that I have to say and that I choose to share. I made the decision on pretty much my 2nd blog entry ever to make this be so much more than just a little update-y diary of what we have been up to lately, as I find those sort of boring to read and more importantly, just not what lit my fire. Sure, there will be lots of entries about field trips or sick days, but in the vein of HipMama, Bust, Home Education Magazine, Ready Made, Etsy.com, Mothering, and so many more publications that inspire and enlighten me, I try to put out a product that will resonate with folks much more than a dry "report" or Newsletter would.

The best writers will have the most critics, and I have never shied away from criticism or disagreement--but I also never mean to go too far and hurt or attack anyone personally. Thats not cool and I would not appreciate it if it were done to me. That being said, I do not live in a void, I live in a world of people, I come from a family, I have friends, and (hopefully!) daily interactions with human beings from whom my experience is gleaned and my path continues on as a result of these relationships. So when I refer to my life and its experiences, FOLKS and PEOPLE will come up, probably alot. It is not some secret code for "mom", it truly is not.

I do not see my mother very often, and it has been this way for a long time. So the vast majority of my adult experiences do not involve her. Most of my stories, even the ones that include "family" are not about her. I now know that she was hurt by what I wrote, and that is why I am writing this. I forget who reads and I tried to put my frustrating Christmas experience out there, imagining, as I always do, that other moms, other readers, other homeschoolers, homebirthers, homemakers, DIY-ers out there might understand, might see their own experiences through mine, might not feel so alone. I was not trying to shame her or the Christmas party that she threw for us.

Working towards a wonderful new year of blogging!
Thank you for reading!
Mama Joy

Toy Land Joy

2007-12-26T08:49:00.000-08:00

Do you love it, do you love it, do you love it???? On the day after birthday, Christmas, Hanukkah, anything, it feels so great. All the pressure is past, and all the memories and new toys are here, signaling in ideas of a whole new life, a whole new start. Perfect timing if you ask me-- as we are in for 4 to 5 months of a loong Michigan winter followed by 2 months of mud and then a new baby--and playing with the angry cat and the broken crayons was getting extremely sad and boring.

I moved around 2 rooms already since 8pm last night and have big plans for more changes. I love to move furniture, I love it I love I love it. We really got such winning stuff this year, we really put alot of thought into what will be FUN and for the first time ever we bought stuff well ahead of time, and I have a job, and my Grandma sent us a very unexpected check. What do we want to be cooped up with all winter, homeschoolers with "no car" and a pregnant mom? Well now, we have GeoTrax for the kids to build, all new playdoh soft and fresh, electronic handheld thingies that we got amazing secret deals on through Ebay and friends of friends and resale shops, crafty stuff and building stuff and Eyeclops and books and ummm did I fail to mention that Santa Claus brought us a ROLLER COASTER and a Nintendo Wii? I am not kidding and I couldn't be more happy about this. Our house really was boring and now it really is fun. I can't wait to have friends over as soon as I tidy up some!!!

The kids have been running and jumping and rolling and boxing and bowling and sweating and asking me for "more water!" all morning while I slowly, slowly begin the process of being a wife and mother again, putting this pit sty of a house back together after 3 months of working and being pregnant and a semi-broken washer (you have to be there to switch each "mode" but we just figured out how to "rig" it 2 days ago so it has been one busy washer!) I am off work all this week and only work one night next week, so I am gonna be a full time Mom and Wife and person and all hopes are quite high for "getting it together", my absolute favorite and yet very unobtainable lately goal.

We have people to invite over and things to do and places to go and I am really trying hard to overcome the lingering nausea and tiredness because as good as it feels to lay in the couch, it is starting to feel even better to be a person and not a zombie. (I recently saw a TShirt that came in toddler sizes up to Mens XXL that said "I survived the first trimester" and I so, so understood)

So, here's to a great Christmas, here's to getting this sty back together for New Years and here's to feeling super happy about STUFF, THINGS, and MATERIAL POSSESSIONS. It really is okay to have great fun toys and to enjoy them! Off to go see if I can beat Casey at Wii-Boxing, he is undefeated in our family and it really gets my heartrate up (although lately, so does walking, sitting up, making another sandwich....)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2007-12-24T18:38:00.000-08:00

From our family to yours, we wish you the very happiest and healthiest holiday season, and an enthusiastically wonder-filled New Year!

How will you "handle" FIVE kids?

2007-12-20T16:21:00.000-08:00

Yawn.
After a certain amount of experience with living with many children, this question goes from right-on, to vaguely insulting, to totally irrelevant. I have lived with 4 children since 2002, when The kids in my daily care were Greta (5), Mickey (2), A (4) and G (1). Four little kids, two mine and two I babysat fulltime 5 days a week from prebreakfast until dinnertime.

Two months into this gig, I got pregnant with Casey! I would throw up everytime I changed the almost non-stop diapers, I was sicker than a dog, and yet the show went on. Lets realize that, VERY unlike my life now, this was a time of Four kids who used sippy cups, took naps, used diapers or needed bathroom assitance. Four kids who couldnt always "use their words"or hold a crayon right, in a small cluttered house with a Daddy who didnt get home until 7pm (9pm on Thursdays). If there was anytime to ask me "how do you do it" it would have been then.

But now, my kids are alot older. I have a much bigger house and daytime friends. I have one in diapers and all the rest deal with their business. I dunno. I just dont feel the freak-out whatsoever this time as far as fear of the new baby or whatever.

Going from one child to two REALLY was a mind blowing change, and going from 2 to 3 children was when we felt like we had "alot of little ones". It was hard when Charlie was born because I had a very very extended postpartum recovery time, but four kids was something I was used to by then.

The funny thing is, for me, it is the pregnancy that is so hard. Not the babies. It is the mothering while very incapacitated that is so frustrating and exhausting and discouraging and disheartening, not the other stuff, not the messes, the crying, the stages, the teething--because when I am a strong and healthy Mom, I can handle that stuff, plus usually keep appointments, commitments, a nice house and have 3 hot meals on the table, too.

I remember once when Steve and I met up with his parents for a day at the zoo, and I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant with Casey. We only had 5 year old Greta and 2 year old Mickey, and everything was going fine, when one of them whined a tiny bit about something and my father in law said "What're you gonna do with THREE of em?" I looked right at him and said "I wont be pregnant! It will be fantastic! Plus I have four of them all day as it is". He had forgotten that I was doing the fulltime daycare, I guess. He had never experienced walking around a zoo with a lead boulder crushing out your entire innards, I guess. He was just trying to say those 'clever' things people say on TV when they dont really feel comfortable talking to you, I guess. Thats the way alot of people speak to each other all the time. He just chuckled and looked nervous that I might say the word pregnant again. He's pretty old-school and I try to respect that.

So, when my dear baby joins the Maplelawn Home Academy, there will be much rejoicing. For all the obvious reasons, and for Mommy isnt pregnant anymore, too. I know there is sleep deprivation with a new baby, and I would be insane to downplay the seriousness of that, but pregnancy is not exactly a good-sleepin time for me, never has been. Between violent calf cramps/spasms, back and hip pain, lack of air, nausea, outlandish dreams, restless leg syndrome, extreme heartburn, and the incessant peeing, I just dont get when the sleeping can really occur. I will leave out the pregnancies when I still have a night nursing tot or a little one who likes to get up at 5 am.

Except during the daytime, then oh God do I wanna sleep. I want to sleep in the library, I want to sleep in the grocery store, I want to sleep at work (and did once! LOL) I want to sleep at red lights (so bad) Then I bet, if given the golden opportunity for daytime sleep, ooooh I could sleep 14 hours straight. Oh yeah, except for the every two hours peeing part. Ok, never mind.

Monday December 10th

2007-12-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Working on cards
Greta sewed a hat for Kitty!
Charlie uses glue when we sew.

Mickey sewing a shirt for his toy monkey.

So, I am "out" with the pregnancy news now, and hope you can now fill in the blanks as to why I haven't been blogging. Between work and scraping myself together for the children. sitting down to write has been way down on this list. As i enter the 2nd trimester, I feel myself becoming alot more my old self and that is very very welcome.

Of course, homeschool is happening, learning is happening, our math curriculum is a big success, and we always spend alot of December with various scouting Christmas parties, working on handmade gifts, and baking. I will be honest and say we haven't really baked lately as the kitchen is a scary place that has all sorts of smells and imagery that keeps pregnant Mama at bay...but we did have a one big cookie day with our homeschooling friends a couple of weeks ago and it was really fun!

We have family gatherings, birthday parties, skating rink trip, Girl Scout party and somehow, shopping all to do. Like everyone else. Except we share a car and work 'round the clock and I am starting to panic just a smidge about how this is all gonna happen this year with the one car and me working. Sundays? Oh well. Once January comes, it will be 4+ months of cold cold cold and school school school and so it all balances out.

If you're a homeschooler, you will really, really get this!

2007-12-03T06:29:00.000-08:00

An oldie but a goodie: (from my homeschool yahoo group this morning)
(tune of "THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS") The 14 Days ofHomeschooling
On the first day of homeschool my neighbor said to me,"Can you homeschool legally?"

On the second day of homeschool my neighbor said to me,"Are they socialized, can you homeschool legally?"

On the third day of homeschool my neighbor said to me,"Do you give them tests, are they socialized, can you homeschool legally?"

On the fourth day of home school my neighbor said to me,"What about P.E., do you give them tests, are theysocialized, can you homeschool legally?"

On the fifth day of home school my neighbor said to me, "YOU ARE SO STRANGE! What about P.E., do you givethem tests, are they socialized, can you homeschool legally?"

On the Sixth day of home school my neighbor said to me, "How long will you homeschool, YOU 'RE SO STRANGE,what about P.E., do you give them tests, are they socialized, can you homeschool legally?"

On the seventh day of home school my neighbor said to me, "Look at what they're missing, how long will you homeschool, YOU ARE SO STRANGE!, what about P.E., do you give them tests, are they socialized, do you homeschool legally?"

On the eighth day of home school my neighbor said to me, "Why do you do this, look at what they're missing,how long will you home school, YOU ARE SO STRANGE, what about P.E. do you give them tests, are theysocialized, do you homeschool legally?"

On the ninth day of home school my neighbor said to me,"They'll miss the prom, why do you do this, look atwhat they're missing, how long will you home school,YOU 'RE SO STRANGE!, what about P.E., do you give them tests, are they socialized, do you homeschool legally?"

On the tenth day of home school my neighbor said to me, "What about graduation, they'll miss the prom, why do you do this, look at what they're missing, how long will you home school, YOU ARE SO STRANGE!,what about P.E., do you give them tests, are they socialized, can you homeschool legally?"

On the eleventh day of home school my neighbor said tome, "I could never do that, what about graduation,they'll miss the prom, why do you do this, look atwhat they're missing, how long will you homeschool, YOU ARE SO STRANGE, what about P.E. do you give them tests, are they socialized, can you homeschool legally?"

On the twelfth day of homeschool my neighbor said to me, "Can they go to college, I could never do that,what about graduation, they'll miss the prom, why do you do this, look at what they're missing, how long will you homeschool, YOU ARE SO STRANGE, What about P.E., do you give them tests, are they socialized, can you homeschool legally?"

On the thirteenth day of homeschool I thoughtfully replied:"They can go to college, yes you can do this, and they can graduate, we don't need the prom, we do it cuz we like it, they aren't missing anything, we'll homeschool forever, WE'RE NOT STRANGE!, We give them P.E., life it self's a test, they are socialized, AND WE HOMESCHOOL LEGALLY!

On the fourteenth day of homeschool my neighbor said to me, "How can I get started, why didn't you tell me,where do I buy curriculum, when is the next conference, WILL PEOPLE THINK WE'RE STRANGE? I think w ecan do this, if you will help us, can we join P.E. and we'll homeschool legally.

Living with children.

2007-11-29T07:11:00.000-08:00

Oh, my poor, dear, sweet Homeschool Blog-- do you still remember me?

Jeez I am so bad at writing anymore. I feel like I had a contingent of readers and surely they must have given up on me by now.

The kids are well, and learning is always taking place. As for the big shot stuff I wrote in August, do I do a disservice to my fellow homechooling Mamas and pretend like we are doing all of that, or do I come out with the reassuring truths that we are not doing any of that right now? How many Mamas had an "impressive" blog the first week of September and then dropped off the face of the Earth besides a few cute Halloween pics? I know I am not the only one.

A lot has changed in my life since late summer, but here we are. The kids are not only surviving, the are BLOSSOMING. New skills are appearing at lightning speed, and new competencies. On the days when it feels like we "didn't do very much", and I think it is time to start reminding myself of the hundreds of days of my life that were spent under the evil tutelage of a "SUB" (substitute teachers, about 20 years old, possibly sober) and their never ending time-fillers, it turns out that the kids had the best day ever and I am still, after 7 years of official homeschooling, having to remind and remind and re remind myself that the majority of all human learning cannot be measured by time spent against ones will filling out paperwork to tape to fridge doors.

Remember "Subs"? The best of them let us play "Win, Lose or Draw" on the blackboard, or told us dirty jokes or let us just hang out. the worst of them came armed with stacks and stacks of "Dittos", everyone knows what a ditto is, right? Some kind of reproduced, often with purplish ink, worksheet or crossword or word search of some kind, which you had to do, but if you finished it they were all mad at you and told you to do another one or to be quiet. These were invariably 5 grade levels too easy and super blurry and horrid. The nice subs let you work with a partner but you still had to be quiet. they might as well have told us to color.

But this is the reality of school, and this is the stuff that children are experiencing and no one gets all freaked out about it--so when we have cozy days where the only thing that can appear to the untrained closed mind that was accomplished that was "Schooly" was reading together or watching Animal Planet or cooking, my guilt is finally becoming less and less.

Do I want our Home-School to be different? Yes. But that is all a part of parenting, and I am working right now on the whole courage to changes the things we can, accepting the things we cant and wisdom to know the difference proverb thingy. I am re-reading The Mother Trip by Ariel Gore, and really getting it about Chaos Theory. I ask myself if my kids would be better off "somehwere else" and I can say NO for sure. Somedays, many days, homeschool can be just living with and raising your children. Making breakfast, cleaning breakfast. Dressing and brushing teeth. Writing a story. Having a race. Doing experiements with one cat, 5 blankets, a big cardborad box, and 55 magnets. Making lunch and cleaning lunch. Nursey and diaper change before naptime. Reading books. Cleaning up toys. Messing around on YouTube. Cutting out papersnowflakes. Watching a show. Recieving a phone call. Giving a bath or 4. Making and cleaning dinner. Laughing and playing. Getting ready for bed. Putting the house back together.

Horrible confessions, or good wholesome human stuff? So there--I said it. And I mean it. Go ahead and freak out, call the cops. Tell 'em you found a family who is just living and having days together, several days a week. I don't feel bad about it anymore. Because we do lots of stuff that is schooly and we do lots of stuff that isnt, and by doing this, we are doing everything we can to see to it that our children are growing up well. Live and Learn.

How is everyone else's fall going?

Thursday updates

2007-11-08T07:27:00.001-08:00

http://www.besthomeschooling.org/articles/elaine_edwards.html

Here is a really nice article, tell me what you think! I am babysitting today and have been busy busy busy--sorry I haven't posted in a while, we are in a sort of transition right now. We went to Waldorf Co-Op yesterday, Campfire scouts Monday, and the children are happy and well. Charlie slept through the night last night and the night before, which was a good treat for all of us affected by my exhaustion levels. I like my job and we had fun on Halloween, even if our neighborhood was kind of scanty on the number of houses handing out candy. I have been looking at new houses when I get the chance in the evenings, but so far they are all gross with stinky cigarette carpeting and general grossness and creeps-ville vibes, so I rush home thinking we have the best house in the world, even if it is too big and we cant afford to spend $400 a month to heat it this winter, or the rent. Of course it is cool and pretty and big, that's why we moved here in the first place.

Daddy doesn't ride his bike too much to work anymore, since it has been so cold or drizzly, but this leaves us without the van. Somedays he takes it to work in the morning, then when he comes home for lunch, we can all drive him back and then have a vehicle for the rest of the day.

I still hold strong to my fantasies of more outings and more happy sidewalk cafes with the kids, eating bagels out of town, going to museums and nature centers, new libraries and new adventures, but it hasn't happened too much lately. This is a huge reason we want to move, to be able to afford the things we really enjoy--outings and doing things other than just paying bills and telling the kids "we cant afford" EVERYTHING in this universe.

My children don't care too much about square footage and copper pipes. They care about swim lessons and family trips, art class and camping, ice skating and new paints and brushes, baking cookies and pies, COSI and the Ann Arbor Hands On Museum, having clothes that fit and snowpants and boots that actually keep out cold and water. We are not poor, but we do need to move. For alot of reasons. It would be nice to get into a place where the landlord cared if you had a working cold water faucet in your bathtub or if your 2nd dryer broke or if you needed a copy of the lease to apply for scholarships and financial aid and health insurances.

I haven't gotten a check from my new job yet, I do in a week or so. This will make all my long hours seem like they are actually FOR something, and it will give us a better idea of where we are at for the next few months. But I still say we need to move. We have no car payment, no credit cards, just this big house and its big energy bills, and we know there is a better way.

Very lovely surprise: it is SNOWING! I hope it sticks.

Cozy Friday

2007-11-02T11:09:00.001-07:00

So crazy...whereas yesterday morning, before we got out and met our friends, just being here was torturous and bad, today there couldn't be a cozier, sweeter home filled with mild and kind little children on this world. Even Kitty is sweet and cozy today.

We read some stories, the kids did their sizable chore lists without as much as a huff or puff, we had a nice little lunch with Daddy, Charlie took his nap, Casey helped me hang clothes out to dry, Greta and Mickey are working on a big story together at the school table, the leaves are sparkling as they tumble down in the wind.....maybe the name of this blog should be the schizophrenic/multiple personality homeschool.

But that's just it. Life is ever changing. We have seasons of our lives and they have nothing to do with the calendar. Sometimes we even have seasons of our weeks, I know we do here at MapleLawn Home Academy. All of our activities have this thing where at the end of the month, there is a week or two off and there hasn't been Girl Scouts, Campfire, Waldorf Co-Op since the middle of October, it seems. So things have felt a little "off", but I don't mind one bit. I just started a new job, one that keeps me away from the family quite a bit, and it was perfect timing for all of this to happen when it did.

Two afternoons, we went on outings at around 3:30, after Charlie's nap. We went on a far walk to a park, and just played and played, when suddenly, thank goodness, Mickey, the keeper of the time, the wearer of the waterproof (to 160 feet!) digital watch, randomly proclaimed "It is 4:58" I was like "We have to go, guys!! We have to go home, I have to be to work at 6!!!!"

I am not used to this at all! What does 3:30 have to do with my job, which I think of as my "night job"? Apparently budgeting for time will have to start around lunchtime! Sheesh!

I made it to work at 6 on the dot, but missed out on supper. Thankfully it was Monday night and the people who are there Monday night bring in lots of treats, so I got vegetables and chips and salsa and donuts. A lovely dinner, haha.

So we are really enjoying today. Just being in our sunny home. I work tonight at 7 so I think I will go hang out with the kids and see how their project is coming along before Charlie wakes up. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, November 1

2007-11-01T16:33:00.000-07:00

We had a great day today, once we got the heck out of here. After a fussy morning and me chasing after a horrible mystery smell (it was pumpkin seeds, still in the pumpkin gloop, sitting in a little bowl, looking as mild and harmless as can be, stanking of death and fish and sewage!!!! who knew?) unsuccessfully and deciding that I never wanted to be back in this house ever again, we got out and things got better almost immediately.

We met up with our fave family at a beautiful local park and played for hours. It was cold in the shade but warm in the sun and the kids truly did FROLIC, as Greta likes to joke. They rolled down the hills and ran and climbed and screamed and shouted and threw rocks and sticks and we didn't have to feel like we were "gonna get in trouble" like we did at the metro park, haha. I got 5 people, 3 bikes and a stroller into my smallish minivan and i am proud of that, everyone got to ride and play. They got to see a ton of mallard ducks up close, and Charlie "fed" them litle wood chips for over a half hour.

As I mentioned on my B+B blog, today is Charlie's birthday, and, for the first time in...well, let me do the math....10+7+4+2=23........twenty three birthdays of my children, not a single card or phone call was made to us or the dear baby. I wiped away stinging tears when I checked the mailbox in front of my friend, after seeing that only pizza coupons and a phone bill had come, and that no-one besides Dada was on the caller ID today. I wonder what mass oversight occurred and most importantly, why.

It was a really nice day, and we had our friends back to the house for dinner. It was so completely adorable to see the seven kids sitting around the table all together--and me and my friend got to/had to go eat in the living room and listen to them practicing their best table manners (LOL) while we snuck in a few adult stories together, if only for 10 minutes.

The day that started out so badly, ended up incredibly fun and as always, fresh air, getting out, and spending time with people who you truly enjoy is always the cure for whatever ails me. (and getting those haunting pumpkin seeds out of the house! PEW!)

If I didnt say it enough times, Happy Birthday , dear Lindey-bean. We love you more than you will ever know.

4 little vampires

2007-10-31T17:08:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! HOPE EVERYONE HAD A BLAST!

LOVE, GRETA, MICKEY, CASEY, AND CHARLIE

Cool side effects of employment

2007-10-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Its the weirdest, neatest, most unexpected thing. even though I am really, REALLY tired from my new job, I am also really, really happy and mellow and a much better mom! even though I basically couldn't move until almost 10 this morning, nobody was fighting, everyone did their morning chores happily (I swear!!!) and there was a good vibe in the home.

I am not all panicky and edgy and freaked out anymore. Isn't that bizarre? Its like, I value my time with them more, I know I get to leave as soon as Steve gets home, so I don't feel all "trapped" or something, I have to get dressed and look cute by 5pm, which I thought would suck, but has been very good for me, and I get to completely escape into a world of adult conversation, but its all still quite wholesome and its not like if I had a job at a "real" bar where I would have to go from mommy and babyland to smokey wasted freaks hitting on me and crude co-workers--these folks where I work are a nice mix of parents and grandparents, men and women, young and old, just there to relax and have a nice time. There is no secret subplot, no seediness, no sleaziness, no creepiness, no one is mad at you, no one is looking to fire you, you don't have to "fake look busy", there is no boss to fear. (Can you tell what kinds of jobs I have had in the past?)
So, even though I am getting home late, and Steve has been fast asleep two out of the three nights I worked so far, it is really neat how good it has been for my spirit.

I don't get paid until Mid-November, so when I see that I am actually getting money from this whole thing, it might really send me over the rainbow, lol ;)

But the kids are liking this new chilled out Mama, and I am, too. I just don't get why I was so edgy and panicked in my own home with my own children everyday, nor do I quite understand why that feeling is completely gone now. But I am really, really glad.

2 dollar costume.

2007-10-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know if any of you have had those throngs of people come trick or treating at your door with absolutely NO costume, and felt a mixture of mild annoyance at the flagrant bypassing of the whole "dressing up" tradition of the holiday mixed with concern and pity that perhaps that kid (or adult!) couldn't afford a costume.

Well, today we got Casey a costume at Dollar Tree. We got him a "Horror Robe" which was labeled as up to age 12, and a foam sword. He wants to be a "vampire" but just basically wants to look scary and have a sweet weapon. Big shock to those of you that know my Casey, he's not gonna be a jolly pumpkin or a little M&M or a Pooh-bear, when there are foam swords around. Greta at age 4 was a ladybug and Mickey at age 4 was a car. But my dear Casey can't stop talking about how he needs "fake bwood" and "scawy fangs".

Then we got a pack of TWELVE pairs of plastic fangs at Wal-Mart for 71 cents. I will add some of Mama's red lipstick and Mama's black eyeliner to make some kind of facial scariness happen.

The end! No effort and practically no cost. I love the dollar store!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fun Thursday adventures!

2007-10-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

Greta's little boat

Casey barrels downhill

Casey up the tree

Run, Greta, run!

Greta, Casey, Julia and Tommy

Scarlet Oak was dull :(

All 7 children!

Whee!

Today was my kind of homeschoolin' day. We got up, ate, pulled the house together: breakfast dishes in the sink, table all wiped down, beds made, floor swept, checked email, baby re-changed and re-dressed, kids dressed, teeth and hair brushed, shoes located and tied, and out of here by 10:45 in the morning to go to an awesome nature center kind of far away with our friends' minivan following us, with a pit stop at little Caesars for 10 dollar lunch that fed 9 people quite well, saw cool animals, played with puzzles and did little nature-fact quizzes, 3 kids had bikes, 2 had strollers, walked on a trail in the woods alongside a creek, made little "boats" out of bark and leaves, played pooh-sticks, climbed a log bridge, laughed with our friends, tried new things like climbing way up in a pine tree and getting covered with burs, raced down the hill sharing 3 bikes with 5 riders, searched for our beloved scarlet oak trees only to find them vaguely brownish this year, took tons of pictures, left on a good note before any injury or melt-down, stopped at Meijer's on the way home and got 2 days worth of groceries, most of them quite healthy items, got home by 5:15 and cut up fruits and veggies and all the kids started playing nicely with their toys while I sat for a minute before cooking dinner.

THIS is what I want to do almost everyday!

When I get my coveted double jogging stroller, this kind of stuff will be even more manageable. If you don't understand why, just come along with us sometime on an outing like this one! Broken wheels, broken saftey clips, no under storage, purses and blankets and drinks all being tipped and falling out of every nook and cranny of the old beat up regular strollers, the thrift store "jogger" I got a few months ago that shuts on the baby and is rigged with velcro...maybe with my first check from my new night job I will finally get to buy this golden ticket to smooth and less frustrating outings, especially of the outdoor variety! I look forward to more nature centers, metroparks, museums and maybe the zoo sometime soon. This was a super nice day.

It is 6:30 and Casey is almost ready for bed. Steve gets home at 8 tonight and then I am going in to work for a few hours. Busy busy happy happy.

I like it now!

2007-10-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

As will come as no surprise, life has humbled me again, and I am happy to hang my head and say that the Waldorf Co-Op and the magic Fairy Mamas are super, super nice and we like it now. (((blush)))

We went back last Wednesday, and, as I had discussed, we did not bring Mickey. Thanks to my dear friend who took him for the day, I did not have to worry about him being loved or safe and I felt like a real mom that had a babysitter! Crazy! I dropped him off at her house, he had a little lunch packed, and I got to say things like "be a good boy!" and gave her my cell phone number--woowoo I am fancy now, a real drop off parent, LOL :D

So it went much better last week--I knew what to expect, I knew where things went, and I just felt much, much better. The luncheon was outside, and I didn't feel insecure about the food I brought. I brought bananas, apples, sunflower seeds, and homemade granola from my awesome friend SgtHowie. (I told them I did not make it--but that it was homemade by a friend!) They loved the granola, and all the kids got along smashingly. We had lunch outside, Greta adores the two other "big girls" there, and Casey played with some little age-mates. Charlie was happy as a little lark out in the breezy sunshine, they opened up the tiny house early on, and all was fab.

On the weeks one and three, they do some formal lessons upstairs with the older children, and Greta did not have a recorder for the recorder lesson, so one of the moms asked me if I would like to buy one for her, that she sold them. Of course I said "oh, yes, yes" but I was so worried that it was gonna be like $200 or something. I wonder if I would have cut a check and then cried all the way home, but happily it was 30 dollars and it is an amazing all wood handmade in Germany one. A real instrument, with warm clear tone--nothing like the plastic ones we had a s kids. I was happy to add a nice instrument to our home, and that she was going to learning to play it with her friends.

Downstairs, the little kids were treated to a very solemn and haunting telling of Red Riding hood with Waldorfy props--little handmade felted woolen dolls and silk squares and pinecones, with A Capella singing by the owner of the house who does have a gorgeous voice. they also did a circle time with a little glockenspiel and some darling songs in a pentatonic scale about fall and gathering apples and old women stirring the stew and stuff.

What was especially neat and very, very different was the way in which they conveyed to the little children that "it is time for___" there is absolutely NO saying this whatsoever! So different from school. There will just be some ladies singing in a circle now, and you feel sort of completed to join in. Same with the Red riding hood story--no one tells you it is story time now, but you hear a little glockenspiel chiming in the front room and you go check it out, and a lady is solemnly setting up the figurines and you go sit around her. Same with the craft. After the story, the lady just started singing softly about "I see a lantern's gentle light" and she sort of wafts into the dining room and starts setting out glue and tissue paper and glass jars and little cans of paintbrushes and voila, it is apparently time to make a lantern! No barking no cajoling no harassing involved whatsoever. I was impressed--and Casey and Charlie were truly TRANSFIXED. Also, no judging language whatsoever--not a single word about "good job", "great job", just children working alongside adults, quietly making lanterns. One time, Casey told the lady next to him at the grand dining room table "Is this done?" referring to his lantern which was about 1/3 covered with glued-on colored bits of tissue paper , and the lady simply kept on working on her own lantern and said "I am going to cover mine all the way 'round" and he said "I am too."

In the afternoon, one of the moms who is my friend outside of this now, the one who originally invited me to this co-op, offered to teach me to knit. (the other moms all knit) I was hesitant, because I felt like maybe i couldn't learn to outside in the wind while watching the kids but i picked it up instantly and i am working on a big rectangle that gives me great soothing satisfaction and a cozy calm. I am so proud and grateful to finally know how to knit this one stitch. This is the third time someone has shown me how to knit and the other two times were unnecessarily complicated. This is easy and I love it. I knew I would.

So, this week, my friend babysat Mickey again, which was a lovely surprise because we both agreed that I do not expect her to so this every Wednesday now. So we went back today, me, Greta, Casey and Charlie. It was the week where it is much less formal, and it was super fun again! We played outside alot, shared alot of funny stories of motherhood, knitted, and the kids played. One of the big girls told Greta some true ghost stories supposedly from her own life and Greta was thoroughly impressed. She retold them to me at home in the bathroom as I did my hair to go t my job interview tonight -woowoo--and they seem ridiculous but I acted very reverent and amazed. She felt they were so sinister that the other kids shouldn't ever hear them--so thoughtful. I brought Monterrey Jack cheese, apples, strawberries, bananas and homemade tabbouleh salad. The women raved about it which really surprised me since it was not made in a traditional way. they were really really nice to me today and I feel like I am part of the group now, a nice feeling. I didn't even wear flaxen-wear today, har har. I wore jeans and a plain t shirt and a zip up sweater. (the first two weeks I wore long skirts, no big whoop, i just wasn't in the mood this morning and no one cared)

I was out in the yard with all the people and we were knitting and laughing and I realized it was 2:10-- I had to go! We left and picked up Mickey and ended up coming in to my friends house and hanging out there about another hour. Too fun. She gave me hot tea and I am just THRILLED to say it is cool weather again, I am assuming for good now, and so hot tea was perfect. I also had hot cocoa this morning and I loved it! Y A Y for the coziness, oh happy day!

This co-op is so good for me. These women and their very unique scene really refresh me out of the daily doldrums. I feel kinder to my kids for days to last, and I feel refreshed and revitalized after conversation and handicrafts, homemade soup and pretty music. Seriously. Who woulda knew.

Woody Guthrie, we adore you

2007-10-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Look at this!

Please, if you don't know about Woody Guthrie, do begin. He was an amazing champion of the working class, a massive, majorly influencial pioneer in music, an incredibly important American, and someone on this website has made some little school-lesson plans based on Woody's songs and life. I think it is fabulous and am going to check it out ASAP.

Really, really cool.

Singapore math is here!

2007-10-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

Most of our order from Singapore Math.

The counting cubes that have become a big hit.

Charlie and the counting cubes (or, how I get lunch made!)

Lunchtime.

Casey and his Pre-K workbook.

Casey shuffling his Capital Letters cards.

We got our order from Singapore math, and it is alot of great stuff! We got Textbooks and workbooks for Mickey and Greta, and several Science programs with workbooks, as well as a Word problems math book for both of them, and 2 teacher's guides. We got a little plastic clock, 100 number cubes, blank dice, a measuring tape and a hundreds chart.

So far the kids both like the work--no tears at all. Mickey's first 2 lessons were about measuring things that are one meter long, and some place-value types of things, one, tens, hundreds and thousands and some review about carrying in addition. His science was about what is alive and what is not, and one about the external parts of the body.

Greta's math was about place value also, and really getting the grasp of "What value does the "8" in the number 598,300 have?" (Eight thousand) and so forth. She had to arrange some numbers in order as well. This was all review but that is good, so she doesn't fear the new book. The very next lesson is something she doesn't know, so it will be interesting to see how it goes. Her science was really neat, it was all about matter--how do we know something is matter? If it has mass and takes up space. Is heat matter? Is light matter? Is shadow matter? How do we measure mass? --Stuff like that. She liked it alot. I am glad I got them separate science stuff as his is WAY too easy for her and hers is pretty "out there" for him. With them being three years/grades apart in age, I am lucky that I can apply as much two-kid lessons as I do with the Five In A Row and the upcoming plans we have to do a reading symposium with our adult friends soon.

The number cubes, which we haven't used as we are "supposed to" yet, are a really nice toy. Charlie is flying by me as I type this, with his little "airplane" he made out them. They snap together and are really cool. Much easier to open and shut than Lego, but not too babyish. You know what-- I take that back--we did do a place value thing with them, and Mickey used them to prove some subtraction idea to me. He was wrong, but it was better that the cubes told him that than me--he laughed good naturedly when 11 minus 4 was NOT 8 as shown by the cubes, but of course it was in fact, 7. He was like "Oh." and then we laughed. I used to have certain little numbers facts that often messed me up--and my husband swears that he doesn't know his 7's times tables and hates the 7's... Strange how our minds work.

Casey and I have been working on all sorts of fun stuff, he is now writing several letters and wanting to make us all notes and signs. SO much deja vu of Greta and Mickey at 4 years old, and so funny to me how differently they all got to the points that they were "at" academically at 4. He can make A, M, C, U, X, and O very clearly and so he makes a ton of letters to me that are elaborately taped up and stamped and stapled and inside is a tiny piece of paper that says MAMA MAMA DAD OUOUAOAOA inside it. Yes I save them all. We have alot of fun things for this age, and many mornings we play with woodkins or magnet balls, and sometimes we do little workbook-y types of stuff.

More updates on Singapore Math and Science as we get more into it. We have to take back our Owl Moon and our gazillion other books to the library today. I need to order the next one ASAP but we have another secret freebie--somehow I never noticed that The Tale Of Peter Rabbit is one of the featured books in our series. I love Beatrix Potter of course but was surprised that this "little kid book" was featured, when Greta immediately came to its defense and said that I would be very surprised at how many secret things there are to study in Peter Rabbit. I am excited to tackle this book from a different angle. Next week for sure!

Wednesday the 26th

2007-09-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

Here is that book--hope it isn't illegal to show it or whatever...

Here is the elephant you can make.

Here are the frog and fox you can make.

Here is an underwater scene to work on.

I absolutely love when little ones quietly play trains. Something about it is so sweet and sincere.

We worked on more of the book Owl Moon today, and talked about "Aerial View". Greta is showing her anthill from three different perspectives. Mickey drew pretzels!

Then we did a bar graph about the amount if sunlight versus dark hours there are in the different seasons.

The kids worked really hard on them, adding colors and symbols and I was really pleased.

No pics of Casey today--I am out of batteries again! But he stayed in my bed at naptime, watching TV on very low volume. He didn't sleep, but he rested, and thanks to cable and dvr, he wasn't watching all those little princess/little combat commander commercials, hehe.

This work-up of the book Owl Moon has made me a solid fan of Five In A Row. I really am going to stick with this "curriculum". I have already learned alot about the benefits of reading a book more than once--and I don't think we could ever really do all that they give you in just one week. We are completely happy to meander through the activities. Today we did three of them; Aeriel View, Science of Owls, and Hours of Darkness and Light. Owl Moon is a lovely book, but not one that I would have ever gotten "all into". But now I am! I think it might make me a better reader, and I KNOW that it will make the kids better readers.

The Author of Five In A Row really worked hard on this curriculum. It isn't complete, and it needs supplementation--by that, I mean it doesn't have much basic math, etc. But it is a lovely springboard that is working well for us. I really, really like it.

Tuesday, week 3

2007-09-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

Baby Charlie
Protein breakfast
French Toast Fort Day

Painting with forks!
Special bunny fort
Burying Casey in the toys!

Well, today is Tuesday, and I haven't written in a while. Not because we haven't gotten anything accomplished, but because we have been really busy.

We didn't go back to the Waldorf co-op last week, but we do plan on going October 3rd. I think I am going to have Mickey go to our good friend's house. I don't know how he will react to this decision, but I really need to figure out if this is something we want to stick with or not. It doesn't appear to be something we can pop in and out of, as the children have ongoing activities such as a play that they would need to keep up on. I was thinking maybe if Greta didn't have to police Mickey, and if I just had to deal with Casey and Charlie, then maybe that would change the dynamic enough for me to be able to think more clearly. It's all so strange, because Mickey certainly isn't "bad", but after some careful thought, I think he might be the one catalyst that was making it not really work for us. We'll see.

We have been working with Casey on ABC's and he knows all of them except "P". Cool! He can count and we have been reading lots of counting books, with Charlie close by pretending to count and saying "A, 2, A, 2, A, 2, O!" So sweet.

Greta and Mickey have been working through the Five In A Row book, with our latest literary pic being a book called Owl Moon. It is a nice little story about a father and daughter who go out into the woods at night to go "owling", which we discover, is to be extremely quiet and to happen upon an owl and observe him. The illustrations are great and it is a Caldecott medal winner so we talked about that. We did a bit more "depth of field" drawing, and talked about how an illustrator can tell us so much about the setting of a place by the kinds of things they draw. We also did this with a book called One Morning In Maine--we talked about how the deciduous trees and evergreens and the way the characters were dressed told us so much about the climate and era and location of the story (Northeast America, 1950's, fall or springtime).

Awesome news--my mom has paid for our entire order of Singapore Math AND science, including manipulatives and teacher's guides. When this package comes in the mail (soon! soon!) I am going to feel an enormous amount of relief and excitement, as my role of floundering math teacher will soon be over, and we will have a nice solid thing to work with everyday. THANK YOU NANNY FRAN!!!!!!!!! I will be blogging about this as soon as it comes, promise!

We have a gorgeous book called Look What I Did With a Leaf, in which there are some amazing art projects to do with leaves you gather. Of course, being early autumn in Michigan, we will have some colored ones to use, which you don't have to do, but it will be nice. I was intrigued at the lengthy process in which the author described the best way to press the leaves for best usage--it takes a WEEK to do! All I ever did with leaves was to stick them in a big old book, and then find them dry and dull a day later. Supposedly this new way will preserve them well. More details to come as we apply this technique!

Things still have a long way to go as far as "running the household". Even before me and Steve got new jobs, it was very hit or miss. I can't even pinpoint what it is, exactly, that seems to throw us "off" every single flippin' day! I really don't know how we can be thrown off of something we are so rarely "on", to be honest.

We follow our schedule, as much as humanly possible. We have the kids cleaning and helping ALOT. Steve and I are still up till 10 at least cleaning and setting up for the next day--but I feel like it is all a quicksand pit by 9 am more often than I'd care to.

The weather is buggin me, I will freely admit. I HATE that it is hot and sticky, with mosquitoes and air conditioners and sunscreen still a big part of our days--and I also hate when people feel it is their duty to tell me what kind of weather I should enjoy--didn't the clouds care that my little calendar has leaves on it? Doesn't Earth care that I have absolutely NO good looking clothes for hot weather? That one week of 61 degrees with a breeze was just the teaser, and I got really, really disappointed when it got back to hot and has stayed. We took down our pool, and now there is just stinking, rotten dead leaves and grass under it that smell like a manure farm, with flies buzzing all over it. Casey stepped on that dead grass area the other morning and I was like a crazy woman, sniffing and sniffing--who has poo? Do you smell poo? It wasn't until I pinpointed it as his little shoes that I realized how bad that dead grass and leaf pile was. I don't remember that from the other years.

Charlie is talking SO much, and that has been bad and good. He gets extremely angry when we don't know what he is saying, but he also is succeeding at communicating more, too--so now we know that for the past year of "Ungh! Ungh!" he was really trying to tell us that he wanted candy and markers and scotch tape and to go outside! :)

Greta had her first girl scout meeting, and she loved it. There were a few new girls, and all her old favorite pals, too. She was well prepared for her meeting thanks to our friend Julia giving us her old Junior Girl Scout badgebook AND handbook--expensive! She also gave Greta a Junior girl scout hat, sweatshirt, T-shirt, and pants. Too cool.

With Daddy working his new job, our evenings are going to be weird, but I am going to be really cheerful about it. It might even be better, if I have it in my head that he will only be home for about an hour, from 530 to 630, I will have dinner ready, and then he will go to his cleaning job, I will get the 2 "babies" put to bed, and then maybe have some special time with just Greta and Mickey in the evenings. Depending on how long this jib takes Steve, he could play a game with Greta and Mickey when he got home, or they could already be in bed and he could play a game with me! Called "lets clean"! I'm kidding. Partially.

Cold season already :(

2007-09-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

The beebee's are sick!
This weekend, I started to feel a little tickle in my throat, but tried to blow it off...but then I got the thing where you feel all hot and exhausted when you do anything, andI thought "oh boy".

Today, Greta and Mickey are flat-out on the couch with sore throats and fevers, and Charlie has a boogery nose and a pale watery looking face. Casey is fine so far, and so my decision for us to not go to the Campfire scouts' field trip made him really mad. Apparantly compassion and empathy for others are not hallmarks of being 4 years old. I feel so bad about leaving my friend Trish to lead the entire little kid's group, but it is 84 degrees out and being out in the summer hot sun all sick sounds like total hell for them and for me. It was going to be a really cool trip, too.

So, today we are resting. Well, the kids are. It is nice for me since they are staying put on the couch, I am cleaning like a madwoman ;) Well, kind of--in between fetching popsicles and ice waters and tissues and blankies and motrins...Im so happy to have them all laying still that I don't mind one bit. Sorry if that sounds terrible, but since they don't seem to have anything dangerous, I just have to be honest.

Does Waldorf meet the needs of boys? My boys?

2007-09-18T06:30:00.001-07:00

I was drawn to the Waldorf philosophy at a very early age. My little sister went to a Waldorf school for what was to be her kindergarten year, and I was with my mom when we picked her up and dropped her off. I was absolutely fascinated by the wooden toys, the silk scarves draped in front of the windows, the soft-spoken teacher who seemed more like a beloved grandmother out of a fairy tale than anyone on salary...

They did really different things than cut out little turkeys out of construction paper. They played alot of olden time circle games and seemed to spend a good deal of time out of doors. There were children of many different cultures in attendance, too, which was sort of rare in 1985 in our area, sadly. I loved that my baby sister was spinning wool and playing with dried beans, and it really sparked the embers of my burgeoning interest in alternatives in education. I was fascinated by different types of schooling, testing and procedures from an early age, for sure. In fact, after I got my Bachelor's degree in psychology, I had planned on getting a master's in school psychology. Looks like I am doing work-study instead, huh? :)

Fast forward a few years to my early days with my new baby girl. I wanted the gentlest purest things in her life, as all parent are apt to do. Natural foods, natural fibers, organic everything, nature and flowers and historically significant music would be the only thing to tickle her ears. Everything that was plastic or character-emblazoned that was somehow pouring into our home was NOT of our doing. I didn't like the fact that being "poor" made us more vulnerable to accepting toys and clothes and influences that we did not want in our lives, but before we knew it, our little Greta was covered in Elmo clothes and drowning in a bedroom full of plastic toys, lots of them that "talked"--ewww.

When we moved away from our first house, we took more of an active stance in what we had in our little girl's life. We got rid of a lot of crap. We were feeling stronger and more confident as parents, and we began to feel ok saying no to talking toys and crappy Disney stuff, and as she grew, we began to discuss education. We looked into the 2 Waldorf schools in our area but they were $8000 a year for PRESCHOOL! So that was immediately out of the question.

Why Waldorf? I thought the whole thing seemed to care so much for the spirit of the child, for nature, for goodness and purity and the catalogs that would come to the house with all the natural toys and goodies warmed my heart. I wanted this for my child, and, through the casual placement of both boys and girls in the catalogs, one thing never, ever occured to me, and that was the possibility that Waldorf might be much, much more suited for girls.

I knew it all --harhar--when I was the mother of one little girl, and one of the things that I "knew" was that all the boys who were wild and boisterous and making little weapons out of every twig and berry were surely the unfortunate victims of a terrible violent society, hell-bent on making all male infants into little football players and little marines, and that all those parents were horrible and they were ruining a whole generation of young boys for my daughter.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Even in the womb, Mickey was different than Greta, and no, I didn't know the gender of any of my babies until they were born. Greta rolled and swished in my belly. Mickey did jumping jacks. Ask Steve-- I occasionally CRIED, he would buck so hard in there, I was afraid he would break my ribs.

As a newborn he and his sister were vaguely similar--he was much more fussy and loud, but I don't know how much of that had to do with his birth, etc... but pretty early on he was different from Greta. The way he played with the exact same toys she had was different. He threw things across the room at 4 months old that caused me to think really cheesy thoughts like "He's got an arm on him!" At 6 months old, he could kick little toys across the whole front of the house from his doorway jumper, and really did prefer rock n roll to any of the toddler tunes that Greta still loved. If I gave him a soft blankie, he would rip it off his head, cackling with brillaint laughter, where she would be likely to leave it on her head, maybe holding it undr her chin like a little bonnet. Greta also CUDDLED, HUNG OUT WITH YOU, STAYED PUT in general! I didnt know anything about little tots running AWAY at 100 miles per hour until I had been a mother for 4 years and my son was mobile. Goodness! Why wont he HANG OUT like Greta did? I look at the videotapes of her walking calmly down the street for her 2 year old Halloween and I am stunned. I would NEVER have Mickey, Casey, or Charlie anywhere near the street if they weren't in a stroller, with shoulderstraps, thanks you very much! Are you kidding me?

Another thing Greta did was that she would cradle and caress any and everything, even cans in the grocery cart. Mickey would throw them. She loved stuffed animals and coloring--he HATED stuffed animals and ate the crayons like a stack of fresh pretzels.

Don't even get me started on baby Casey...he made Mickey look positively tame! He climbed the actual TV/entertainment center at FIVE MONTHS OLD, forcing us to make dozens of emergency trips to buy all sorts of "babyproofing" products that we never in our wildest dreams imagined that any good family should ever need.

Was it ok for me to now proclaim it a boy-girl thing?

What about when our third boy in five years came along? Did that qualify me yet?

Look, I know most of you know this, but I had big dreams of gender neutrality. Big ones. I dressed my little girl in jean overalls at birthday parties, for pete's sake. We eschewed ALL Barbie, Bratz, and lil' slut clothes. We nurtured and loved our children outside of the realm of media as much as humanly possible. We never told our daughter to be meek and pleasant and we never told our sons don't cry/toughen up/be a man. Ever. We model a balanced marriage for them, and we really, really try.

BUT

Some things are just not up our kids' alleys. and those kids happen to be boys. And now I get to my point, sort of.

I do not know if Waldorf really meets the needs of most boys.

I find an EXTRAORDINARILY unbalanced ratio of women with only daughters being drawn to this philosophy. Such an unbalanced ratio that I even have wondered if there is something in the very ethereal woman that prevents her from bearing a son. I swear. Its food for thought at least.

Anyhow.
Maybe I am completely insane. Maybe I need a babysitter for maybe just Mickey to give this co-op thing a chance. I do not know if I can go tomorrow, and I really want to. Maybe I am making this huge gender thing out of nothing. But I doubt it.

It seems very lovely, for a certain type of kid. a type of kid that I do not honestly know if you can "create" just by providing a certain kind of upbringing. Maybe you can. I did not and now that I see my kids' personalities, I think for certain this this is not Mickey's cup of tea.

Doesn't mean he can't be gentle and insightful or artistic or love feathers and flowers as much as the next guy. But when he shines is when he is around numbers and action, building and planning, mazes and maps and rules and puzzles and sports and maths, big messes and big laughter and plenty of burp and fart jokes and that is TOTALLY TOTALLY O-KAY.

So,
given the physical restraints and stresses of me going to this thing with the baby and Casey and Greta and given that I have concluded that Mickey only liked playing in the tiny house but could do without the rest of Waldorf Co-Op (I think...)

I don't know if we are going back tomorrow. I don't even have any money for whole foods luncheon and would have to write a check to Kroger that wasn't really "good" until Friday in hopes it took its time to "go through", if you catch my drift...

But I do want to talk to the Wiccan mama and I do want to go back. I think Casey would be so happy to play in the little house and Greta might be more apt to settle in to the "classes" without Mickey there and her perceived duty to keep him from saying bad things...whatever it was that he said.
I just don't know.

Social butterflies

2007-09-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

Jeez o Petes, we have been busy doing everything but what I envisioned.

I guess its ok, it is still summer, for crying out loud. But all this running around has left our homelife in an absolute shambles. Our baby is losing his mind, crying from about 5pm until 9 pm...we try to put him to bed at 7:30 or so and it is just hell...no naps mean evenings of terror, evenings of terror mean no laughing family moments in the setting sun, no family story time, no hum a merry tune and put clothes away...just screaming everyone, dishes and dishes and dishes to the moon and back, no baths, no nothing, really, just hell and crying and then me and Steve completely collapsing.

Campfire Scouts, which is starting off well, lots of new faces and cool families, is the worst one yet--1pm on a Monday. So all morning, I ran around collecting all the stuff we needed for the events--I am a leader of the Little Stars, the under 7 year old group, and I made a scavenger hunt--one was a nature check list and one was a collect as you go thing. i didn't have to save it for today, I could have been more prepared, but today was the only time slot I had, to be honest. It all went well, and the parents and kids seemed to be having a nice time at the meeting today. But alot goes into it, so Monday is completely blown, which I am NOT ok with. Especially when the meetings are technically--get this--one hour long! For me, I was at the park which we met at around 12:15, and left around 3:30. Part of being a leader, I guess.

Charlie fell asleep in the 1/2 mile car ride home, so I parked the car in the driveway and let him sleep, and sat right next to the window and read the newspaper. Then we had to go get Steve from work at 5.

I will have to make big, big strides to have Mondays be salvaged and not be completely given to Campfire scouts, which I know I need to quit griping about, but USED TO BE on Fridays at 10:30am.

tomorrow we will have a day of homeschool. Thank goodness.

Wednesday is the Waldorf Co-Op again, and I do not know if I can do it again with the four of them.

Thursday is Girl Scouts, from 1-3 pm, about 20 miles from here, no siblings allowed. In the past, I have taken the little boys to McDonalds and done the playscape/french fry thing for 90 minutes while Greta is in her meeting. We'll see if that is in the budget this week, money is really, really tight. There is also a semi-nearby library, but it is hard to get them all in, do some fun stuff, and get back out in time. Its alot of backbreaking with Charlie, and I will be ecstatic when he gets to an age where he can just--walk, like a kid. Right now, if/when you put him down on the ground, he RUNS AWAY to kingdom come, to Timbuktu, to China...so I have to haul him in and out of stroller, carseat, baby sling, or most likely, on my crooked ole' right hip. So a trip to anywhere is an effort in major heavy lifting, and so again, that will completely take over Thursday. Ack!

Friday is Homeschool Park Day, which is the kids' favorite thing ever but really, is "socializing" all we do?

Tonight Greta and Mickey, after a harrowing evening of screaming and wailing from Charlie AND Casey, are playing a board game with Daddy. Charlie cried so hard to go to bed that he jumped and jumped and BROKE his crib. The whole bottom fell out.Yeah, cool, right? Like we have $100-300 bucks for some new crib. I know, I know, look online. In all my spare time I will hunt down some old brown crib from some family with fleas and then get some mystery truck and haul it here (when? how?) and then assemble it and have Charlie break it again! yip-pee.

He is in the playpen tonight. Maybe that can be his bed until he is older.

So I am taking a moment to type on my blogs. It is 8:45 pm and the kitchen is condemned, seriously. But I cannot move a muscle in my shoulders, and I am nodding off...

The Waldorf Co-Op

2007-09-13T16:38:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back, I was truly touched and flattered when one of the moms in our county-wide homeschooling groups asked me rather secretly, if I would be interested in checking out their co-op that her and her 4 friends do on Wednesdays. I was intrigued! She told me it was Waldorf-based, and that they got together at one of the women's small beach houses that she has decided to use for just this purpose. It sounded precious. But I was nervous. Did she mean all five of us, really mean me and my four children, or what? She said absolutely, and so we looked forward to it.

The very first week (which was last week) we did not go. A million reasons, but we didn't. So yesterday we did. It was really, really something!

On a lake, which was surprisingly nearby, was this cool old white and black house. It had a long gravel driveway and a little tiny house to match it in the backyard. Wild flowers were everywhere. There was a ring of tree stumps which reminded me of an old campground ring or something. There was a huge vegetable garden, and just flowers, flowers, flowers. Very aged, very New England, I was charmed before I even came in.

We were met by the original friend, who is just a nice, nice woman from a nearby town to me. Mom of 2 girls, wears tshirts and pants, has funky glasses, seems really funny and down to Earth. Seeing her there first was reassuring, as I was finding myself incredibly nervous and self conscious. I was actually astonished at the flood of insecurity and almost dread I was experiencing. If I wasn't keeping track of 4 kids, I could have spent some time thinking about what in the heck my deal was, but I was too busy! We were welcomed into the house, which was so wonderful. It had hardwood floors, completely bare and empty except for a few pieces of furniture, rugs, and mirrors. In front, right on the lake, was a beautiful room which was all painted white woodwork, with windows on all 3 sides, rocking chair, wicker couches...I can't even explain. Like a catalog, where they work super hard to make it seem all weathered and old but this really was.

There were immediate signs of "Waldorf" products being brought out, the little dolls, the silk rectangles, wooden baskets filled with natural puffs of wool. Yarn. Sticks. A glockenspiel, and wooden recorders. Very precious.

I them met the woman whose house this was, and she was very kind and welcoming, but when I say gentle and natural, I am talking wowee wow wow, she was the real deal. Like, her voice was all ethereal, and her hands were itty bitty, and she had long long hair, and spoke just like someone would on a meditation CD. Same intonation, slight accent, extremely quiet. She had one little girl with some lyrical name, lanky long hair, pale skin, shy.

I am NOT trying to make fun of these people, and I even have one or two whom I am seriously considering steering towards my breast and belly blog--I am truly just trying to paint a picture for you. I will pre-empt any misunderstandings and tell you that every single woman I met and every single child was as sweet and pure and earnest as an actual time traveling stalk of Celandine. The way that they were just so happened to make me feel about as ethereal and wispy as a bag of Pork Rinds and a can of Miller high Life.

So, the next woman I meet, is even sweeter and gentler than the first one! She was dressed in what appeared to be possibly flax, anyway it was a white ethereal gown to the floor, and she had long long dark brown hair and rosy cheeks. She looked really familiar, and we talked about how we thought we might have met before. I was conscious of the fact that I was trying to alter my voice to more align with the quiet, quiet lilted accented voices of these women, and then I felt like they would think I was making fun of them, oh jeez! Why was I so wigged out?? anyhow, it turned out that I had met her 4 years ago at another Waldorfy thing. Long story, whatever. So she had a 2 daughters, both with lyrical names, long lanky hair, pale and sweet and shy and gentle.

Then, another one of my friends whom I knew from my homeschool group was there! Yay! She was a breath of reality (again, I don't mean this to sound mean, it was just so surreal!) in her jean shorts and bobbed hair. She good naturedly whispered "very Waldorfy!" to me when she saw how I was dressed--which thank goodness I had the sense to scrounge up what I did--and thankfully it was very very cold out--in the 50's. I had on a long woolen sweater and a long long skirt and big woolly socks and birkenstocks and my hair was in two little buns with no eyemakeup. (Awww) phew!

So anyways, she has a little boy and a little girl. What--a boy?? Yes. But he is 3 and I have never heard him make a single noise. Her children are so so so so so quiet and so sweet and gentle, they look like little paintings. Her girl is 5.

Is anyone getting to where I am getting to at this point? That me and my big wild self and my big wild bunch of 75% big wild boys have landed ourselves smack dab in the middle of some kind of photo shoot for Celtic Clothiers, or Pagan Petites, or, I dunno, Edwardian country diary girl world of flowery flowers incorporated? I felt literally dumbstruck. I loved everything about this place, but really wondered if we were "ok". then I felt so awful, thinking such insecure thoughts like that. then the whole cycle would start over. Ack!! Why must I be this way. (I have alot of insights as to why, but I will type them later)

So.

the last woman to arrive was really really cool looking. she had these huge earrings, and dreadlocked hair up in two huge piles on her head. she had some wool thing tied around her head, and at least 2 or 3 pairs of wool giant socks on, under some colorful dress. She did not seem like a little ghost from Scotland, she seemed like a fire breather from Lollapalooza. She had a gorgeous silk baby sling, out from which peered the dearest plump little baby head. (a girl, of course) The baby had on some kind of fantastic woolen or crocheted hat, and was wearing some fancy little cardigan. Be still my heart, I die for those kinds of baby clothes. Pant, pant, this baby was so cute. Then she pulls her out of the pouch and she is a big girl, and walks away and talks and stuff! I was like staring at this lady and her baby like a freak. they seemed so interesting!!! Oh and p.s., if you care about this detail the baby had on some kind of fabulous little jumper and mystery woolen socks and precious mystery baby shoes. Sigh Sigh Sigh. So so cute. Like a daguerreotype of Baby Queen Victoria or something. Cant deal with how cute this tot was.

So, there was a light suggestion of an activity, which was to make a frame out of sticks and to weave some yarn in and out of this frame and then for the children to go and gather natural things from out side to weave into the frame. Darling, right? Except that Greta and Mickey were completely blowing the heads off of these kids with their jokes and sarcasms and I was dying and mortified and stressed and I kept telling them (in private) that if they were not able to be gentle and calm and to respectfully participate in what clearly was a gentle and lovely handicraft then we would have to leave. ((big forced smile from me))

It wasn't working.

When the "children" were sent out to "gather", Greta and Mickey were just totally leading them astray. I felt so worried and I had no one to reassure me, really. I knew with all my heart that if we were not there, then these Waldorfy little girls would have been merrily gatherin' their bundles of thyme and marigolds...pondering each sweet feather, and wondering aloud with their Mommy which birdie the pretty feather might have lit from....instead we have Casey trying to break some hammock frame, Greta telling stories about some Harry Potter thing on YouTube to a girl who never had pop before in her life--(never had soda pop, so I bet no YouTube then, right??) Mickey saying stuff that had the kids cracking up and Greta smashing her had over his mouth and saying "DON'T BE BAD, MICKEY!!!"

Did I mention Charlie?

He was a freak. Crying crying crying. Wanting to nurse, but then not doing it. Wanting to go outside, then back in. Obsessed with the fridge. Obsessed with the bathroom. I was SWEATING my little woolen outfit off, lemme tell ya.

Now I know that I have painted sort of a hellish portrait for you up to this point. But the women were sweet. They smiled at me. One told me she liked my skirt. They seemed surprised by my stress. I was in and out, up and down, wiping my brow, apologizing profusely for my missing out on Morning Meditation, Morning handicrafts, and for my children's seeming inability to go pick some flipping flowers and to come back in to stick them into the loom. (Which turned out really pretty, by the way.)

They made a communal soup, for which I bought and brought carrots to contribute to, but I was so busy with Charlie and every thing else (the property was not all the way fenced and less than 100 feet from a lake-yikes!) that I never even got to give the ladies my carrots. Which I went out for at 10 the night before. Damn.

the soup smelled fantastic, and it was soon time to eat. They apparently all chip in all their food and we all share it. I knew this, and yet, like so many other insecurities that I was being bombarded with that day, I worried about my food I brought. Simple, whole, natural stuff. But not like theirs. Not in heirloom glass dishes, but in gladware. Not organic or picked fresh that morning with my black cat playing his lute, but bought from meijers and rinsed well. I brought:

French bread

Carrots

Cucumber slices

Apples

Sunflower seeds

Hummous

Cream cheese

Cheddar cheese

Raisins

Pickles

and of course, Mickey's pasta, precooked.

It all looked so nice, the huge spread all over the giant antique table, all the moms and children all filling their plates with the wholesome foods, the smell of the dill and the onions and the tomatoes from the soup mingling with the warm wood smells and the lake air...except there was nowhere for my kids to sit except Casey!

You know what, though, I was glad.

there was a picnic table outside and I tended to Charlie and Mickey's plates out there. I did risk Charlie being out in the yard alone as I rushed my butt off trying to do all this, but obviously he lived. I got about 2 bites of soup, and felt so sad about it. But Charlie didn't want much of the nice plate I made him, so I got to eat something which tasted like zucchini bread, and had some vegetables. Maybe that's how you get wispy--tee hee.

After lunch, the "7 years old and over" children went upstairs to do something with one (or more?) of the moms, and Charlie finally was wanting to nurse and actually stay on. Cool, right? Once Charlie fell asleep, I did the "walk somehow discreetly while the baby is still latched on" waddle across the house and plunked myself and my nearly 40 pound baby down on a wicker couch. the women in the room were knitting. I don't know how to do any of that stuff, as my hands have been full literally, since 1997, (and before that you were more likely to find a videogame controller or a beer or a copy of BUST or worse in my hand than a knitting needle, I must say) but it didn't matter. I was happy to be nursing my baby, sitting on that beautiful sunroom porch, when suddenly Casey--where was Casey? I didn't know what to do. I had Charlie asleep on my lap, to lay him down would mean my boob hanging out, and him screaming and freaking out, so I just sat there. It turns out he went upstairs. The "7 and older" was too much for my little curious one, and he just HAD to see what the deal was up there. They gently shoo'ed him down, and he was pouty.

This whole thing was from 10 to 2, and before I knew it, it was nearly 2. Unfortunately, this was when the best funnest part happened! They let the kids go into the little house. This is a tiny scaled house in the flowers, in the yard, which is even more adorable inside. It had a tiny broom and wooden containers with silks in it to play with. A rocking chair, a little wood play-stove, a porch...and I had to be the bad guy who had to tell them it was time to leave! I also did not clean up whatsoever, but I think I was suppossed to. Again, I only have 2 arms.

The leaving was really good. These ladies give hugs, and that was nice. They seemed genuine in their saying it was lovely to meet me. The children hugged, too, which was sweet. Casey was so sad to go and said he wanted to live there. They were all rosy cheeked and asking when we were coming back. My friend who invited me to this whole thing was like "Everything is ok! Don't be stressed! Its all good!" and I smiled a feeble smile and just said that I would relax in a week or two and she seemed worried about me, which of course made me even more self conscious, arggg.

I didn't want to meet new people like this. I love my children and I love myself. I do not think I am inferior or bad or wrong. I am just unique, and multifaceted, and complex. I do no know who I "appeal to" and mostly I do not care. I get quite mental when I have PMS and this was a bad time for me to be doing this. So lets assess:

My reality is that I have four children. Three of them are boys. We are as likely to be pressing wildflowers as we are to be watching spongebob. We are as likely to be listening to our new CD "Lakeside Retreat" (ambient nature sounds with some flute and harp) as we are the Beatles, Bjork, or Japanese techno. We eat junk food and we eat whole foods. Yes my kids have had pop. Today. Probably tomorrow. They are allergic to juice and milk, and I honestly think it through and think it is ok. Mostly we drink water. From the tap. :)

Although it was mind blowingly difficult to not quite get what I was supposed to do, and to feel like my kids were "too" regular, too rowdy, too male, was sucky, we really did have an amazing experience. The firebreather looking awesome and fun Wiccan Mama told me about some extraordinary gynecologist in the area who works with women who have had difficulties healing properly from c-sections, and she is going to email me some info. I got to talk about homebirth, and knitting, and raising a boy (or three) with some really different people. My children got to experience something really lovely and unique, which they are begging to go back to. I feel myself treating them with much more patience today, and it is nice. We are going to buy tons of yarn this weekend.

I don't know what to do about Charlie. the little cardigan girl fussed as much as he did.

Next week they told me it will be much more structured, with all sorts of lessons and classes.

That's my story. We'll go give it a try again next Wednesday. I won't be under the influence of mind altering hormones and hopefully, I will be somehow more prepared for the whole vibe.

Third day of homeschool

2007-09-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

Eventually these titles will get sort of dumb..so maybe just for the first week :)

Today was good again. I had some urgent internet stuff to do so the kids all kind of played and made stuff all morning. They have fallen into their most comfortable old patterns of Greta being mostly the leader/grand idea creator, and the boys, happy to have such an awesome and fun idea-generating, enthusiastic fun sister to play with, join in!

I wish I could tell you that I knew all about what they were doing, but all I know it that it was something about tying 5 bikes together and making 600 signs and it was CatWorld and there was an elaborate tuna menu and tickets and stamping of hands and enemy cats and mice and dogs and they were extremely loud and extremely happy and the gym-room was totally unrecognizable and I got to do what I had to do. I WISH I took pictures but my batteries died arggg we need more AA's soon!

We had lunch, we put Charlie to bed, and then Casey begged to play for five more minutes with Greta and Mickey. Sure--I am happy they are getting along like they haven't in 2 years, and I still had some business to attend to. I let them go 20 minutes and then I told Casey it was time for nap and he was not too happy. Which was a bummer since yesterday went so smoothly and I thought he really got it that he slept and that we were so proud, but I don't think he fully gets that he has 2 sleeping cycles or even the whole concept of days, I really do not. After a failed attempt to recreate the nap time of yesterday, we ended up putting him in Mickey's bed and he did sleep! YAY!

For school today we went into more fractions and decimals, as prompted by the show Cyberchase on PBS. We talked about tenths and cut paper into ten pieces and stacked them up, .1, .2, .3, .4, .5, .6, .7, .8, .9, 1.0

We went more into carrying, which I know is supposedly first grade math, but it is something that we needed to review, and borrowing which I am leaving for Steve since it seems to cause deep emotional reaction in Greta. Sigh.

We ate all of the Combos which I bought as a special treat, and tried to do some fraction thing with them but then just gave up and laughed about that idea.

We did more with Ferdinand and discussed "Line" and the idea of creating a sense of distance when we draw forms and figures. We read a USA book that has the states and the capitals and the state flowers and the state birds and they acted like it was just a beloved old storybook, not a dry little fact-book. We actually sat and cuddled on the love seat, one child on each side of me, reading the little USA book and talking about states. This was closer to my idealistic homeschool visions than I have come in a long long time and it was a completely heartwarming and healing experience. I feel like the way that I have worked to arrange our little schoolroom, the vibe, the feng sui, whatever, enabled us to be able to do that--it just didn't happen in the old house, no matter how hard I tired.

The love seat right in the front of the window, facing outward, is the nicest idea I have had in a long time.

(not my photo but this is Him)

Today we saw a White-Breasted Nuthatch again, a bird that doesn't usually come to seed feeders, as he is mostly an insect eater. So cute. Chipmunks galore, and Sparrows, Cardinals, Cowbirds, Grackles, Starlings, Pigeons, Doves, squirrels and a sassy cat who tortures our indoor kitty. We joke that she is his girlfriend.

We talked about the seasons even more and started to get into the pagan holidays that were based on the equinoxes and solstices, and then got into the Renaissance Festival somehow and they want to go next year.
We looked at Google maps at the state of Maine, which they turned very interested in today.

That's about it...we got up the babies from naps and they went right back to CatWorld and I folded clothes till I was dizzy. Made dinner, ate it, and then they begged me for slurpees "with their own money". So when Steve got home at 8:15 (I hate Thursday late night!!!!) they got slurpees with their own money and got to watch Charlotte's Web. Part of it.

What happened to bed at 8? That will most likely be in the winter. Seems like they are up late, but they have been so so so good this week, and it is ok. For now.

I wrote to my homeschool group to ask if there is still Homeschool Park Day, or if that was a summer thing. No one wrote back yet. So maybe all of tomorrow will be fun and frolic and maybe it won't. We'll see!

FTF Day

2007-09-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

Blankets are all ready....

Tomorrow is French Toast Fort Day.

This is a new-ish tradition that started out being just a day we had early this summer where we just so happened to have French Toast and make forts all over the living room. The kids called it FrenchToastFort day and asked "can we do this every Friday?" Casey especially. I told them maybe and then we never did it again.

So....
tomorrow it is. I even got real maple syrup and whole grain bread.

I think it will be in the morning. There is no huge difference really, it is me making breakfast and them playing happily...I hope.

I remember the first time they pushed the couches out and under them was so much horrifying filth that I ended up sweeping and mopping and that was cool--but I did this recently enough that if indeed couches are moved, it will be ok.

I hope they all have fun and that they aren't all freaky and screaming at baby Charlie to not wreck the forts...it really hurts his feelings, plus why should he be banished all morning and have to sleep all afternoon? That's mean.

Second day of the schoolyear, in pictures

2007-09-05T12:42:00.000-07:00

Today was MUCH better than yesterday, because Casey was--ahem--- forced to take a real nap :)

We did everything I had planned and so much more.

HOORAY for 2-kid naptime!!!!!!!!!!!!