The tornado is giving way to a breeze

Hello! I haven't written the play by plays that I so wanted to because of sheer exhaustion! Who KNEW putting three kids in school would be such WORK???? Wasnt a sizeable component of this supossed to be "Cause Mama needs a break?" ....LOL

I am not sure where to start and waiting for my brain to feel crisp enough for a well thought out essay might not happen so here are some updates, if you will.

Casey. He absolutely LOVES Kindergarten. He cried that there was no school on Saturday. I am wondering what is it that is so up his alley, and I would say that it is the whole idea that he gets to wake up extremely early, immediately get dressed, get food shoved at him, and rush out the door to go have a big busy day! Woo hoo! Go gO go!!! Circle time! Song time! Snacky time! Gym class! Music time! Recess!!! Art!! Show and tell! go go go!!!! Line up! Get your backpacks! Mama is here!! Woo woo go go go !!!!!!

It is really right up his alley. I was worried that he might be wild and wiggly and disruptive and maybe even "bad", but so far no reports from anyone, and he seems really happy. Not tired, not overwhelmed, not sad. Cool!

In school, for the most part, what I have seen and heard and studied and taken in, is that their ideal scenario, as narrow and improbable as it might be, is that the child who enters kindergarten cannot read, and by first grade they can. So, I am going to teach Casey to read this year. Greta and Mickey could read by now, but I am glad Casey cant yet or else little worksheets about "The letter B" would be extremely insulting. It is presumptuous to assume I will be able to teach him to read, but it is the plan.

Mickey is in 3rd grade. I had worries about him that all got resolved yesterday, when, after I emailed her, his teacher called me on the phone after school. she was SO cool! She really loves the kids and cares so much about them! I was thoroughly impressed. She had so much insight into Mickeys personality already and had such positive ways of saying everything--she told me so much stuff that he wouldnt--8 year old boys! sheesh!---that he has tons of friends, that he is quiet and good in class (!!!!!) and that he is fitting right in. She had no idea that he was homeschooled (in all the correspondence I got into with the school regarding putting Greta into 5th grade instead of 6th, I sort of forgot about Mickey--meaning didnt warn anyone that this was his true first day of school!) and was amazed at how confidently he fit right in to all of the strange things they do in school. Lines, tests, bells, raising your hand, filling out a planner, hall passes, lunchroom, recess, all of it, she said he is just a wonderful friendly polite boy. (mother's heart beaming with relief and pride....)

Greta is in 5th grade and tells me LOTS about school. Follows me around the entire afternoon and evening telling me stuff. I am so grateful for this even if it is intense and even if she gets super mad when we are "interrupted" which is every 30 seconds. Her teacher is cool (and so beautiful!! hee hee) and the kids are nice-- well the boys are, she is much better friends with the boys, but let me know that the "reason the girls are so babyish and into ponies and hanna montana and stuff is not their fault, it is very common, Mom, its the media and it is their parents"............LOL Greta is great.

They are learning such impressive stuff, too--government and choir and social studies and lots of math. Math Math Math. but we have a new wonderful deal: She does it with Daddy, period. Those two can do math without getting emotional, whereas her and I cannot. I wish he would have been the math guy all these years! I would honestly say that in the past WEEK, she has gone from about a 3rd grade math level to right up to speed with the class. For real.

So, the kids are really doing well. But now for the hard stuff: can I just say HOLY CRAP THIS IS SO MUCH WORK FOR ME AND STEVE!!!!!

Ok, so the mornings, despite laying out EVERYTHING the night before, and i mean down to the entire breakfast table being set, are STRESSFUL! Yes we have a chart and yes we get them up early enough but DUDE. It is intense.

SO we all walk to school, bye bye.

Then me and Charlie and Eska go home, which has been nice. We are trying to relax, but there have been events almost everyday that prevent true mama-babies' hibernation. Phone calls to insurance, visiting, etc. But mostly it is cozy and gentle. I have had some flashbacks to back when i had just a tot and a baby, in 2000, and it was making me really sad, but now I am doing better with that, too. I have had some grieving process stuff for the life which I imagined when I was 25 and the life I have now, but I am quickly (at least today) getting really ok with what we have now and looking forward to the future, etc.

i have had to push Charlie's naps up to noon instead of 2pm, so we can be back at school by 3, but that has been pretty cool, too. it goes so fast.

I would like to take the babies to some cute stuff soon, library, play dates, park, but I also need to rest, ALOT, so so far we are just staying in. We did walk a far way to school yesterday and it was cool to find myself really looking at the trees in the neighborhood (I am obsessed with tree identification!) and loving the cooler weather and the new found mobility! (I was 37 weeks pregnant when we moved here, and then had the surgery, so I am just now getting out and about on foot and seeing the sights you miss in a car--the dogs, the birds, the trees!)

Yesterday I was a very good and darling housewife. I prepped the whole dinner during naptime and had laundry going the whole day. Before I loaded up my "red Cadillac" (the double stroller) I layed out healthy snacks and four drinks---the kids came home to a nice tidy house and we immediately did our Mama-Kid "conferences" on my big bed-- first Casey. Come in on my bed and tell me about your day. Show me your homework. Whats in your backpack. Ok go play!

Then Mickey's turn...show me your stuff, show me your last nights' homework, do I need to sign anything, how are your friends, how was gym, how was your lunch, tell me stuff!

Then Greta's turn. She's got the best truthful stories about the weird kids and the strange kids, the nice kids, the evil kids, and her take on the curriculum is amazing. She is about as mature as I was when I was about 29. Swear to God. She is taking to this new intense rigorous stuff so well, and so far seems so free of the self-doubt and insecurities that absolutely plagued my school years, even if/when I was popular, I would say about 99% of my energies went into what the others were thinking of me...she just really couldn't care less. What a gift!

So far it is a fabulous school and my kids have impressed me immensely. I am adjusting to this new lifestyle bit by bit, and each day seems to have the potential to be a little less dominated by sadness, regret, grief and remorse and more filled with the quiet and simple enjoyment of Charlie and Eska, and some nice housewifey stuff like cutting vegetables and washing dishes and opening mail right when it arrives. So far everything is pretty cool. I miss my fantasy-life, if that makes any sense whatsoever, but I do NOT miss my chaotic screaming fighting horrible life that was August.
More soon...

They liked it! And I am still a mother! : )

Hi all.

the kids had a blast today on their first day of school. A genuine blast. They loved their teachers, they had so much fun, they were super happy to see me and the little ones, and they had cool stuff in their new backpacks. It was only a 1/2 day, so it was a cool "trial run", but they honestly had a really good time.



Steve and I overshot it on getting ready...we were all bored and ready about 45 minutes before we had to be : ) but it was fine.



As I walked home with Charlie and Eska, it was odd. I didnt really know what to think. I was trying to re-imagine back in the day when Greta and Mickey were all I had, but that made me feel really sad/nostalgic, so I just decided to not do much of anything. We played with tangrams a little, I nursed the baby alot, we made a batch of cookies, (pre-made dough, don't get too impressed!) and then we went back to pick up the kids at 11:20. Being in different grades, they all had different entry/exit doors, but we all found each other and it was all good. They were super super happy and excited and we got home to our lunch and our air conditioning (It was 90 today!)



One sucky thing: while waiting for Casey to come out, I was holding the baby and I stepped backwards and there was nothing there, and I fell hard onto the parking blocks/concrete. (I took a hard fall about 5 weeks ago and injured my shoulder and knee so this was a scary flashback...I was holding the baby that time, too!)

I screamed, someone took the baby, I got up, and I acted like I was fine, but my right ankle turned badly and my knees both bled through my jeans as well as my elbow : (



I was very excited to turn the twice daily walk to school into some exercises and now cant even bear weight on my right foot. Twinkle toes, hmm? When you are six foot one and have no core muscles whatsoever, I guess that makes you an instable structure, huh? I feel like one and worry alot. I am so glad the baby is fine, again, but I wish I could take her to a chiropractor, taking such hard falls cant be cool.



Tomorrow is their first full day and I realized very much that I am still a mother. Might sound silly but I felt like 'I was giving my children up for adoption or they were moving out or something. Truly. but here we are, fighting over video game controllers and begging for juice boxes, same as ever, and I feel very very glad.

calmer...

I am so sorry...I really could have offended SO many people with that last post. But I am not taking it down, it is important to me and maybe some of you, to chronicle the emotions involved in my life.

People whose children go to school are not being sold, and the purpose of our family doing school is not to have a clean house. I think the kids will learn more at school this year, and I think that we have moved to a neighborhood where we feel ok with the school district, even though we do not believe that age-segregated mass "learning" or teaching to the standardized tests reallyhave much value in human life, the kids will most likely have an interesting time, and it might be great and it might not and this is what we are doing.

I can be comedic, extreme, etc, and this is the side of me that got me all the readers in the first place. I never want to deliberatly offend anyone though, so I am sorry if I upset anyone.

blablabla sell your children for that lemony shine

So, just who I am anymore? Who are we? I am so numb with exhaustion and defeat and shame and confusion about this getting ready for school stuff, I cant speak about it. There's the folks who are a little too excited about this, if you catch my drift, whom I cant talk to at all about my sadness and fears and complete loss of identity because they are so enmeshed in this being so wonderful and them never having bothered to get to know me or be a part of our lives when we were a wonderful happy homeschooling family, therefore will not and cannot and do not get what I am so upset about....then theres my homeschooling friends who, come on, are gonna think "well you dont have to do this", naturally....so I can gripe to them, but they are right, except, I do have to do this, because we arent a happy homeschooling family anymore, we are a jumbled nightmare of fighting and screeching and idiotic behaviors...exceot it isnt turly "we", it is Casey.

So I "reached out" today, at the doctor, and practically begged for help with him, and was totally blown off. If they only knew what a huge thing that was for me to do, maybe , oh I dont know. Myu principles, ym pride, my beliefes, my dreams, my plans, all gone gone gone, and I stand naked before these Big Important Institutions, I come to them and hand them my children, and then, what? What am I in for?

The loss of my family and life as I know it is --just--indescribable.

So I wait. And I go get my little kids pumped full of vaccinations, and I buy them liscenced products, and I smile and nod along to all the people who tell me how wonderful it is going to be, and how --I truly have no idea--clean my floors will be or something, home for 7 hours a day with *only* a 2 year old and a newborn.

Maybe I will "succeed" at floors. Maybe this is where I am now. A Floor-Wiper.

I just wish there was one person in this world who not only knows what a great and wonderful mother I used to be, but who knows what I dreamed of, what I was doing, where I was headed with these precious kids, just not so long ago, and then and maybe only then, will the pain I am in be slightly slightly slightly able to be understood.

No, this isnt about me, it is about the kids. An education, and all that stuff. Yeah yeah yeah. I am joining in the mass delusion that we give birth to hand the offspring over to the machine, so it can crank out good workers. Yeah yeah, pledge allegiance, yeah yeah, 50 th percentile, 50 th percentile, rah rah sis boom bah, oh how my floors will shine.

but somehow, some way, this nightmare will end. I will raise my children in the good and right way, the way that I know to be right, the way that me and my husband believe in, and the way that will nourish their spirits and help them grown to be themselves and to be whole and sound. Waldorf, log cabins, nature study, literature, God help us all , public school!!!!!and I hope that the incredible amount of running around I have had to do, the hours in the plastic car seat my newborn baby has had to endure, all in the name of getting the children ALL SIGNED UP (big harsh grin) is somehow worth it.

I am trying to tell myself that it takes a village to raise a child and that since my children literally have no outside support or help, that maybe this is what The Jonses Do and that it will be so cool. But as of now, I am just utterly mortified.
they start Tuesday the 2nd.

I have failed. This was never suppossed to happen. i hope i can use this year to completly revolutionize myself. i dont know what else to say. My homeschhol is a failure, that is what this is about. Every book on my bookshelf mocks me, breaks my heart. The emails from 2 counties' homeschool lists, the catalogs, the posters, our little cupboard that says "French", "History", "Music" on it....Do i sell them all for spongebob fruit roll ups' money, or do i hang in there? DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYONE WHO SENT THE KIDS FOR A YEAR, MADE THE BEST OF IT, AND THEN STARTED FRESH?

Maybe I could Homeschool IF...: )

Some of the amenities that the schoolteachers have sound mighty scrumptious to me. Let me give you an example or two! Please enjoy this silly little passage and know that I know how hard teachers really work, etc.


Maybe I could homeschool IF:

The kids all showed up at 8 am, already fed, already dressed, some other poor soul left to deal with puddles of maple syrup, dripping milk, bubbly toothbrushes, little mixed up socks, and a tipped-over shoe basket.

There was a lunchtime, and it didn't involve me whatsoever, some other poor soul left to deal with food allergies, picky eaters, ketchup blobs, cut off my crusts, scooby-doo macaroni in the treads of their shoes.

Nobody would call me at my "job", no pals no solicitors no disgruntled family members...nor would I be expected to pay bills, call the electric company, fix the television, wipe someone's bottom, or change one single diaper. That's what my assistant would be for.

All the little darlings would leave at 3pm. No need to describe that one. Bye!!!! See ya next time!!

And then, what I really really love to envision: My Own Lesson Planning Quiet Time. Ahhhh, yes, the quiet sunny empty classroom, my desk, my chair, my respected and real alone-time, and not at 11pm with a baby hanging off my breast, but right there, at 3pm.

(Janitor cleans the schoolroom. Lets not forget that one.)

: P

My children are going to public school this year.

Well, if I keep waiting for the perfect time-slot to write a perfectly penned essay about this, it just isn't ever going to happen: so here goes:

Greta, Mickey, and Casey are going to elementary school this fall-- in a few weeks, as a matter of fact! What changes have occurred in this household, such a whirlwind.

Like I said, I will have time when I have time, lots of poignant thoughts and theories, I hope, but here are some facts to get us started:

We moved to a new town June 1st, and all I knew was that it was going to save us money to get into a smaller more energy efficient place, and that the new house was "cute". I had no idea, no concept that this was going to be some wonderful, close-knit neighborhood, truly 1951, where everyone knows everyone and they all watch out for each other's kids and are all involved to the hilt in the community, the neighborhood and the schools. We had a block party, I sit out on the front step and wave, wave, wave to all the people, and the kids! There are just gaggles of them, mostly boys, last count there were THIRTEEN little boys on OUR BLOCK, a couple of girls too across the street and behind our house, but the kids made such good friends with these children all right under our noses. While I was 9 months pregnant and truly bed-ridden, they were playing with all these children-- an entirely new thing for us, to have kids to just casually hang out with without some big formal PLAY-DATE...we just never lived by any kids! So it was soon "Can I go over so and so's house? Can so and so come in our yard? Can I go around the block?"

All this normal childhood stuff, it was all new to us. So naturally, the conversations of schooled-children that are very focused on What Grade Are You In/How Old Are You/What School Do You Guys Go To was omnipresent. It turns out all of the kids go to the nearby school--VERY nearby. as in 2 blocks away. So Steve and I started talking.....and well, we talked and talked and obsessed and cried and worried and soul searched and obsessed and talked some more. But we never talked to the kids-- we wanted to "present a unified front" or something. But then last week it just came up by itself, and it turns out that Greta wanted to go to this new neighborhood's school but was under the impression that I would "be sad" (!!!!!) And when I presented the idea to Mickey, it only took a minute of looking at the website of the school for him to say yes he wants to go and that he was "gonna get straight A's!" so cute.

At first this all started with Casey. He is so "ACTIVE"....that literally he had to go somewhere. Somewhere. Breaking stuff, running away, screaming, hiding, lying, it was him and him alone that were going to "let" try school for a year. I thought he would go to either morning or afternoon Kindergarten and I could teach the others then. But now that they all are going, I must say, WOOHOO!

This is all new to us. Only Greta has gone to school before, she attended nursery school, one of those drop them off and turn right around and pick them up types of deals, a couple mornings a week. It was cute and she liked it. I always have approved of nursery school, if a family has the luxury of it being just for fun and not for needed Childcare, it can be precious! the little songs, the little chairs, the camaraderie-- very sweet. It was school proper that I had and have huge reservations about, and still do.

So....why? Why now? What is this about? Defeat? Failure? Quitting? New Baby? Toddlers on crack and Mama a near-dead dishrag not capable of "teaching" anyone anything except how to swear and how to look 10 years older each morning? Exciting new adventure? New chapter in our lives? The Time Is Right? A terrible deconstruction and collapse of everything we believe in due to post partum depression and non-existent recovery from my c section of EIGHT weeks ago? No no yes yes who knows....but they are excited and I always said that we would "reassess each fall to see if this was still right for us" (Homeschooling) and this year no it isn't.



Oh, its all of that and more-- but the mood is excitement, and the luxury of not having to do this is palpable. I am still a stay at home Mom. I still have a 2 year old and a 8 week old, a household to manage and kids who will be home at 3. I don't see any Bon-Bons or hours of TiVo'ed Oprah in my near future. but it IS weird! Oh god this is weird.

So here are some background tidbits:

My mother in law cleans the home of a counselor at the school and i am supposed to call her and she will "make sure my kids are okay". Cool! I have lots of questions for her.

We are putting Greta in 5th grade, which she is totally ok with. She technically should be going into 6th grade, but we have been reassured that there are plenty of kids in 5th grade who will be 11 years old and quite a few folks have told us that this is a great decision. We didn't want her going from home directly into Middle School, if you don't understand why, maybe your middle school was different than mine was, but um, it isn't elementary school, that's for sure. From the academic standpoint to the social ones, she isn't ready for that and she knows it and we know it and so all three children will be going to the little elementary school right around the corner, together, for one year.



Mickey is going into 3rd and Casey is going into Kindergarten. I found out that they only have full day Kindergarten now and I was quite disappointed, I think that is "alot" for a little one, and yet...after lunch it is rest time and then before you know it they are home. And if any kid could handle it, its Casey. So they will all be gone, from 8ish to 3ish.

I am going to have a super duper snack ready for them when they get home, and will help them with all of their homework, I will walk them there and pick them up whenever it is decent weather or they don't want me to, maybe Ill be on the PTA?!

My mom helped us a bit with buying them some "School clothes" (ah the zillions of benefits of homeschooling..sigh..) but they still need so much stuff, the supplie list is long and they need check ups and vision tests and lunchboxes and backpacks and shoes and...

For now I am not going to change the name of the blog. I feel that the essence of Homeschooling IS love, and although my love for my children is larger than the universe itself, our household is exhausted, stressed out, chaotic and cross, and I am stepping down from the one thing I feel the strongest about in all of my "causes"-- raising and teaching and learning alongside my little ones. It is humbling and sad but I also have no interest in doing anything else right now--no choice, really--my "tank" is empty, below empty, I am a cardboard facade of a mother and they need projects and field trips and lessons and adventures; so I will try really hard to focus on the fact that I am so so lucky that they are happy about this and that we live in such a nice and sweet little town with such a nice school so close by.

Miss Mason, I didnt forget you,,,well I didnt mean to anyhow!

If anyone still reads this poor dear old beloved thing, let me promise you one thing:
I am still here, we are still going to homeschool, and I have been incredibly fortunate enough to be back on track when i was so lost and so doubt-filled: We are giving Charlotte Mason a try again. but this time, no pregnancies, no babysitting, no bartending, no moving to a new house.

(thank you Kelley XOXOXOXO)

It is July, I am 3 weeks postpartum, and so now I return to Karen Andreola's classic, A Charlotte Mason Companion. Chapter one. Literally touching this book makes me feel good and right and wonderful. Its all lumpy from reading it so many times in the bathtub--LOL makes me love it even more, coffee stains, jelly on it...: )

I dont know if it will ever be possible to explain to you all the void that has been in my life and how much worrying and wondering I have sufferted through once we stopped using this approach to living and learning. It is going to be a long road, especially for the older kids, to reel them back from Cartoon Network and Nintendo back to Nature Notebooks and Poetry, but when our "Big Talks" happen in August, it is going to be made abundantly clear that this is our last year of trying to homeschool or else we will try school. Not as a threat, not as a punishment, not as a failure, but as a simple fact.

These children need consistency and structure and goodness, they deserve it, it is their right, and I am about 95% sure that we can do this. We have moved to a dear and small and simple and cheerful house that is so perfect for the kind of lifestyle we want to live now...it realy helps!

I love them so much and I feel so sure and good in my heart about this. Looking forward....
Mamajoy

Van woes

Well, it looks like we are not going to be able to afford a new van in time for the new baby. So we are stuck with our minivan, and it is about the worst kind you can have for lots of kids. Not only does it have only one sliding door, but it has those idiotic "captains chairs". SO you truly, truly cannot reach the back seat as an adult. Also, the back seat, the thrid row, has no head rests! It just didn't come with them, the 1996 Ford Windstars' third rows just are a bench, so if your kid's head whips backward, I guess their head comes off? Sheesh.

Right now we have Mickey and Casey in the back row. We have Greta and Charlie in the middle 2 chairs and I drive. There is no way we could get the fifth child in there without...well, I really don't know. I guess we could do the baby-bucket-carseat in the middle of the back row and have Greta and Mickey sit on either side, but then the whole no-headrests thing...and who is going to get her back there? I cant reach, certainly, so I guess we would need to hire a miniature chauffeur to do that. Then we would have to put the 2 little boys in the captains chairs, and again, who would reach all the way over to do their straps?

I wanted a full size van, like a church bus. But our tax return, again, went to the heat bill and a few household items and 300$ in copays/medicines from being sick.

So I thought of an idea. I was thinking that Greta could sit up front with me if we got the airbag disabled. So I looked it up online and it turns out it is kind of controversial. But I found this article and thought it was quite interesting. On the occasions when we all go out as a family, Steve can crawl back and do all the seatbelts, I guess. I sure cant. I will seriously get stuck.

Even if I couldn't get a nice big van, I wish we had our old van. It was also a 1996, but it had 2 sliding doors and the middle row was a bench seat that sat 2 kids. I could easily access every seat in the car, and they all had headrests, thank you very much! It was a Dodge Grand Caravan and it was awesome.

Heres the thing, though: How do you sell you own van to get a different one if it is your only vehicle? How do you get your only vehicle sold and then go look at new ones when you now are without a vehicle? Do you see what I mean, there we are, lets say, standing in our driveway with $2000 cash in our hands from selling our current van-- what now, roller skate? I just do not understand.

I see other minivans and vans online all the time that are the same monetary value as ours, but how to negotiate the transaction is blowing my mind. Never, ever get a one-sliding door minivan. You cant access most of the seats in the car. Even if you are willing or able to crawl through the ketchup and legos and baby wipes and grind your knees into the snow scraper and the leaking sippy cup and the spilled sunscreen, even if you don't care who sees your pants spilt or what happens to your spine or sanity, can you really run to multiple stores in a scenario like this? And what about when it is snowing, and the whole floor is black water?

Who invented the 96 Windstar, and why why why?

Zoo Day

To go to the zoo, for our family, for one day, is $68. TO buy a 12-month Zoo Pass is $70. So....
We got a zoo pass! Friday, on Daddy's 1/2 day.

It was beautiful weather, and we live very close to a big zoo. The kids have been begging to go there for about 2 years and we always say yes yes yes real soon and then we don't go.

All the animals were in happy-spring form, instead of lazing about like they do in the hot hot summer they were pretty frolick-y, even the Tiger, so that was super cool! We saw the flamingos all upset because a random goose was in their swimming water, and we saw 2 grizzly bears hug each other. We saw a hippo swimming completely under water with just his nostrils out, and we saw a darling baby zebra! I even got to see my hilarious favorite Capybara, i don't know why he cracks me up so much but "giant guinea pig" is just a hoot to me.

What stunk, and was surprising kind of, was that even though I have been perfectly capable of walking around huge stores and the neighborhood, it seemed like from the moment we got out of the van I was bowled over with sort of permanent contractions. I really really wanted a wheelchair! Every step was killing me, I was even crying at some point! EVERYONE was like "lets just leave, Mama" but I felt ridiculous and guilty and so it was fun and not fun. It was about 65 degrees and windy...but I felt like I was 10 months pregnant crossing the Sahara! My entire midsection was hard as arock and I could barely move my legs. The Train was closed or else we probably would have taken it back to the beginning where they did indeed have wheelchairs. Sheesh! So embarassing!

Well, being Miss Can't Walk stunk, but we are really happy to have the pass. We can go there anytime we want, and it is just a lovely place to walk and sight see. We have the option to go there on mini-trips and big trips and one-parent/some kids, etc all the way until next April 11th. I saw lots and lots of little babies there and it got me excited for when that will be us again soon : )

Oh, the Joys of being home again

Good Morning, dear birds

Good Morning, dear house

Good Morning, dear children

Your Mama is not a bartender anymore, your Mama goes to bed at pm instead of am now

Your Mama washes the dishes and cooks the dinner, too

Your Mama isnt confused, distracted, exhausted, on edge

It is 7 in the morning and she is awake before you are, even the baby sleeps in now it seems

The floors are all swept

The kitchen is gleaming

Pancakes are coming, and laundry is clean

When you tumble out of your beds, you will look into her bed,

but Mama's not in there,

she's ready and waiting

With pancakes and pencils

and cheerful CD's

Your feet won't be covered

in crusty old food crumbs

Your schoolwork's not crumpled or missing or "lost"

Come to the table

Right by the big window

Come look at the tree buds

and eat up your breakfast

and clean up the dishes

We're back to what's good.

Third Trimester and no mean mommy?

I am taking it SLOW. For real. As in, we laze and lounge and rest and chill and meander and graze and shamble and lounge. I feel no guilt, only sweet goodness and rightness. It is not because I am so huge yet, or so ill, as I am neither huge or ill. But I am a third trimester Mama who finally gets it, the whole greeting-card stuff about how quickly it all goes, and how the dust bunnies can wait and dont sweat the small stuff, I get it I get it I get it and ooooh is it good.

This is how I am not having crying jags. this is how I am not having swelling, headaches, blood pressure stuff, angry outbursts, fits of stress. This is how I nest, I suppose. Of course I make meals, change diapers, read stories, play games. I am still a bartender, even, and yeah the house doenst look 1/2 bad. Well, yes, it looks just that. Half bad. But not all the way bad. We do our 4 o'clock cleanup and I made a menu and we bought food from it and are following it. Lots of educational tv shows, lots of kids making stuff, lots of canteloupe and popcorn and cheese is your lunch...and everyone seems really chill about it all. I like this. I am not going to change it up. It is working. I cant believe how calm I feel. Really really interesting. We played with our musical instruments and toys this morning from about 8:30 to 11, it was a riot! Hope I can afford a little videocamera soon, Charlie jumping up and down with sunglasses, a diaper, and socks with his eyes closed and a plastic flute halfway down his throat was tru YouTube stuff! Precious babies, I hope the amnesia Fairies take away all their old memories of pregnant Mommy because I used to be such a demon. Poor sweet little kids, I love them so so much.

A new website for homeschooling..maybe

After our short-lived run last year with Cosmeo, we have been sort of wary of trying to get all into any "learning" websites. Cosmeo could be really cool, but it was always breaking and crashing and it was becoming very frustrating and disappointing for me AND the kids. Maybe it works better now, maybe the glitches are out, but I am not in the mood for the energy it took just to get to a little lesson on fractions or blue whales, it was very confusing to operate.

Many people on one of my homeschooling lists have been talking about a site called Time4Learning. So I checked it out just now and it seems pretty cute. There is a free trial period (essential!!!) and it is like 20 bucks a month, (about the price of NetFlix that we are too tired too ever watch the movies from) so we might do it. It has timers so you can set the lesson time from like 15 minutes onward, and it tracks their progress, etc. It seems friendly and cool. If you have kids who are very comfortable and happy with computers versus paperwork like mine are, this might go down quite easily.

More if we actually try it for real....in the meantime, come on, spring!

Whats up with bike helmets

Why do bike helmets sit all loose and teeter-y on the tippy top of kids' heads? what is that? Who falls off of their bike in a perfect 180 degree upside-down arc? Does anyone really know the answer to this? Is it because if they were more like motorcycle/football helmets, there would be obstructed vision?
Casey wears a bike helmet all the time in the house lately, don't ask me why, and I just stare at the thing and it confounds me.

Scout inspired

As far as homeschool...we are kind of like in "August Mode" now. Except instead of "When we start school" everything is "When Mama is done working". My job has wiped me out now, officially. The day after I work I am almost useless. I cant form thoughts or keep my temper under check at all. I want to eat in bed and thats about it. Of course, I manage and the kids are doing lovely things almost all day long, but its not what I want, you know? I feel like a phony and a blob and I hate it.

anyhow, 3 more weeks and I am a full time Mom again. We have a great new idea: Inspired by Mickey's new Wolf Cub Scout Handbook, and Greta's Junior Girl Scout Handbook, we are going to use the activities in these scouting guides for our days. We have no shortage of workbooks, and the kids are willing to do them, but it is the "Activities" that I have been coming up blank on. Just cute nice activities that dont require massive amounts of money or narrow age groups--thats where the scouting guides come in. These are the dearest nicest old fashioned books I have ever seen in a long time. We can work on real badges right at home, and I guess we should do that, but I dont even care. I just love the lessons and accessibility of these ideas. From sports to nature to math and science, morals, citizenship, and very un-digital life skills that could very well get lost once Grandparents are no longer alive, I really appreciate these books and feel ashamed that I didnt really check them out until last night when Mickey had his first Cub Scout meeting and he was reading the book to me from the backseat. "Look, Mama! Marbles! Knot tying! How to build a door jam! Table Tennis, whats that?! Birds, I know all these birds! How to make a birdfeeder! Bow and Arrows! (gulp) All the flags of all the states! Ultimate Frisbee! Bowling!"

I was impressed and inspired. And I have always wanted to "do" Greta's book with her, but just havent fit it in. So these will be our springboards starting in April. I appreciate all the inspiration in my swollen brain, inspiration has been low and guilt has been high.

Today it is supposed to get to 43 degrees, a virtual heat wave (dead serious) so we are going to go on a small outdoors outing, perhaps a nature center for a little trail walk. We are all probably so out of shape, a 1/2 mile paved trail will be a nice start and hopefully somewhat dry for our feet. Rosy cheeks are the opposite of what this family has right now, and will take many weeks to build up the children to what I consider a healthy amount of vigor.

Like Charlotte Mason and many late 1880's contemporaries, I feel in my truest heart that children belong out of doors for much of their days, all year 'round. You might think it is fractions or Thomas Jefferson that has me feeling homeschool-Mama-deficient but it is not, it is access to the out of doors that I truly lament. I VOW that next year this will regain its priority in our family, like it was at out old house. It was a shoddy, rickety old place, but we had a magnificent yard and we were out there late morning and back out from mid-afternoon until supper and beyond, seriously all year round. EXPLORING.

there is less opportunity for exploring here, and alot of our property is unfenced. Going on walks is much more difficult because even though I live in a very normal suburban area, we have a very "rural" lack of sidewalks and it is weird and hard to push the stroller or get the little bikes all managed when we have to go in the street so much...but oh well. Its no excuse. Karen Andreola, in my favorite book of all time, told of nature walks with her children when they lived in downtown London flats, and so I have no excuse. There are critters and flora here in our back and front yards, as well as 2 parks we can walk to and the rest, well, we may have to drive and thats ok, too.

When I compare our homeschool to what I want it to be, we fall very short. But when I compare our homeschool to SCHOOL, I know that the children are very, very V E R Y lucky and very very blessed to have access to such precious days with me, each other, and their friends. This is what keeps me going and this is what it is right now.

Looking forward to spring and not working and boy/girl scout based activities and the new baby and all of it....
MamaJoy

Tres Cool new deal

Homeschooling families will more than understand why this is going on this blog and not, say, Hearth and Home....homeschooling is living with children, not from 8 to 3, not a few days a week, but always and forever, and all of us know how much the home life has to do with our days...with no janitorial crew, no recess to speak of, no lunch lady or vacations, the running of the home is a massive part of it all, and that is both normal and good. I am glad my kids are not separated into some strange place where "Somebody" cleans it all for them after hours, "Somebody" gives them food through a little opening in the wall, and "Somebody" chooses everything for them, and they have no idea why or how. Sounds like a recipe for yet another generation of people who don't know how to do anything and have to hire out, order out, etc...

We have finally come up with a wonderful new ritual, or technique, if you will. It is only day three, so I feel a little hasty posting about it already, but I am so proud and excited that I simply must report!

Monday morning I told the kids that we were going to try an experiment. I told them that nobody (meaning, Mommy pretty much) was going to clean or tidy ANYTHING until 4 o'clock. I told them over and over that I expect cheerfulness when 4pm arrives, and if I heard one sigh, huff, or puff, then there would be some loss of privileges, namely no video games. I gave them many many heads-ups during the day, "Three hours till we clean!"...."27 minutes until cleaning time!".......but I must admit, I was getting worried. What if I really just sat and played with and enjoyed my actual children all day, and then it all backfired, and they didn't clean, and they fussed and I screamed and the whole place was a disaster......but we waited it out until 4:00.

Right at 4, with clock-obsessed Mickey chiming in, and me steeling myself with the best faux-confidence ever, I called out "Its 4 o'clock!!! time to clean!!!" We all held hands in a little circle (I am not kidding) and I said "Lets not rush, lets not freak out. If you want a task, then just ask Mama. If you want to just pick up stuff and put it where it goes, then go ahead"......and I went in the kitchen, locked the baby gate behind me, and started in on my dishes.

Some kids wanted a task, and I said stuff like "Put all the garbage in the garbage cans!", "Pick up all the blankets and put them on my bed", "Bring me all the cups".....some kids wanted to just go do their own thing. Casey is an awesome, awesome vacuumer, and he got the floors cleaned with the hose attachment in no time.

I washed the dishes and cleaned the countertops and before I could even sweep the floor, they were telling me they were done. I didn't believe them, so I handed out even a few more rather random chores from behind the gate like "Polish the bathroom faucet with those wipe things" and "Swiffer the windowsills".......then they were done again! I put down my broom to come see the house. It was completely clean, every single room. The time was 4:27, and we had an enormous group-hug! I gushed on and on about what little tornadoes they were--we all were--and what a wonderful new life we could have if Mama could really be with them all day and if Daddy could play with them all night. (seriously impossible before!)

We did it again yesterday, and the house was SO messy from crafts and toys and such that I told them that it was totally ok if it took more than 27 minutes.........but I kid you not, it took 18 minutes this time!

We feel like geniuses, both proud and free. Daddy was ecstatic when he got home, and they did play all night Monday while I was at work, and last night we all had a linger-y dinner and then did a bit of Wii bowling before a very smooth bedtime...Casey at 7:30, Charlie at 7:45, Greta and Mickey at 8, but they get to watch a movie in the "kid's lounge". Tuesday is my night off work and so is like Mama+Dada's date night, really, and so we watched a funny movie of our own, and fell asleep on the couch. Hot date, huh? LOL it was actually really great to be off of my feet, unlike at work, and to lounge my pregnant tired legs up on my left side in comfy clothing, talking to my favorite person in the galaxy.

We walked through the clean hall to our clean bedroom around 2am, and slept soundly until 6:15 when the alarm and Charlie both called to us that Wednesday was here.

Yes we are alive...

Homeschool is still love, and we are of course, still here! We have suffered some astonishing bouts of sickness as well as a 2 year old who is having a phase to say the least, and well, the excuses of why I haven't blogged could go on for a long time!

We are enjoying Campfire Scouts as well as spending lots of time with our fave family of friends....we haven't gone too many places, because that means I would have to drive Daddy to work to have the car, and Brrrrrr it is cold out there in the dark mornings.......but we are buying a 2nd vehicle soon and this will change our lives significantly, for obvious reasons. Our homeschool will have a new member this June and we will no longer fit in our minivan!

We are doing alot of house rearranging and this has gotten us to realize how many wonderful books we have and how we really do not need to go to the library,( even though we love libraries!) it is so hard right now with 2 year old Charlie's issues, and the slushy parking lots and just the whole ordeal of it-- we are delving into our own books, some seeing themselves becoming newly beloved by little Casey and Charlie, some "hard" books being discovered by Greta and Mickey...its nice.

The days are long and like everyone else with little ones, we are going a bit batty from this all. Normal February stuff, but hard nonetheless. We look forward with great great excitement to parks and museums and bike rides and Nature Centers and continued health and exploration. I hope everyone elses homeschool journeys have been more cozy than stressful, more loving than crabby and more fun than boring. I will be blogging much more in a few weeks when I am done working outside of the home and I get my camera recharged and new batteried!

stomach flu wipes out entire family

...probably wont be blogging for a few days....

Cookie fun!

My dear friend was kind enough to post about our fun day making cookies, here is the link to some fun and cute pictures of our yummy day!

Memories needed

Do any of you remember "Chinese Jump Rope"??? I am going to be relearning about this game, which consumed my life from 3rd to 5th grade, and to hear who played it, who remembers it and what if any variants you remember, so I can teach it to my own clan! It was the game where you had two people with the "rope" around their ankles, and one jumper in between them. It was a jumping game, not a twirling game. the rope was usually a piece of string, but if you were lucky, you might have an honest to goodness elastic Chinese jump rope. (Everything I can find online today is not how we played it....)

Here is what I remember:
In-out-side by side-on-in-out

I do not remember any of the "levels" besides "broomstick" and "wides"


If any of this is making sense to any of you, no matter what you have to contribute,even just memories please write me back!!!

January Fun

Happy New School Year to all!

We have decided to start a "co-op" with just one other family, our kids' closest friends and my bestest homeschooling Mama friend ever. Their kids are 12, 7 and 3 and everyone gets along fabulously and we have decided to play for certain, every Tuesday. This is a welcome thing for me, as I am needing things to be very scheduled lately, or else I will just rest. I could give up anything for rest, even food, which always is a bad choice when pregnant. So, if there are plans then it helps me tremendously.

Yesterday we had them over for a meeting of the minds. Me and Trish and all 7 of our kids wrote on the dry-erase board everything that we want this co-op to be. We have readers, non readers, fans of all different types of activities and I was worried that the group would be more divided but everyone was just 100% enthusiastic. the ideas we have so far are roughly divided into "Things we are going to do at the house" and "Field trips"

Here was everything that the kids came up with:

Nature Center

Crafts

Science kit/Chemistry

Sculpey/Femo (oven drying clay)

Cooking

Insects

Experiments

Reading

Making Videos

Science Center

Library

Art Institute

Music

Nature Study

Sports

Another big part of this is the fact that we are starting our own "book club". After some mediocre to abysmal experiences with other book clubs in the past, we decided to do one on our own terms--after all, the spirit of the thing is to motivate kids to read--even ones who already like to read could always use a little boost to read MORE, right? We want something that gets us to the libraries (we want to see lots more of them in our library-loaning system, there are so many!) that gets us spending more time reading to and with the kids, and that gets the older ones to do more independent reading. Stickers, little trinkets, charts, and something "big" at the end like a pizza party or a gift certificate to a bookstore would be the grand prize at the end (June?) We are still thinking about all the details.

The first thing I want to do, that all the kids seemed "into" was a unit about the Wright Brothers and the beginning of aviation. We will start with some biography-style books from the library and then build some little planes and then maybe --hopefully--take a field trip to The Henry Ford museum and see the real deal. A Unit Study! Yay!

Well, the Christmas break from my work helped us get our house ALOT back on track and I am happy about that. We switched around our living room which I like to do when the xmas tree comes down, so it isnt so drastically "bare" and sad. I love the new setup and hope to keep it this way for a long time. The house looks bigger and we are facing the windows and the southern exposure of the sun that comes in here about 2 hours each afternoon...lovely!

Campfire Scouts started back up and the meeting went fairly smoothly I must admit! Trish and I, who are the leaders of the "Little Stars" group (age 6 and under) brought in big frozen bowls of ice and the children got to sprinkle rock salt on the ice and see how the crystals are formed and broken. Then we put food coloring on the melting/crackling ice and the color seeped down and illustrated the intricate ice patterns very well. We cut out some paper snowflakes, ate our snack and were on our way. Cool!

Its Girl Scout cookie time again, and business has been slow indeed. Greta has sold 2 boxes so far and says she wont go back if thats all she sells, so I hope Daddy and I dont have to buy 150 boxes ourselves this year...Steve is going to take the form in to his work, but he doesnt work at the kind of place where a ton of people buy a ton of cookies. But Greta is still in Girl Scouts, and tonight I have a meeting for Mickey's possible new Boy Scout troop! This is a very open and liberal troop and hopefully will work out for him. His best friend is going to be joining it and I think it is time for something disciplined and structured without me for Mickey. Its very cool that it will be on Tuesday nights because that is my ONE night I am free. It stinks though because that was the one night I could have prenatal appointments....although we might be able to do it on the weekends, or maybe late after Boy Scouts. But tonight is a parents meeting so I am anxious to go check it out.

Details to follow! How have you all been?

MamaJoy