So Tuesday, I thought we could go take Daddy to work and motor on to our local library. It isnt huge but it is nice and close. (Steve works different shifts each day, but Tuesday and Thursday he doesnt have to be in until 9am so they are good days for me and the three littlest ones to drive him to work so we have the vehicle all day. I say car and van and minivan interchangeably, but we have one vehicle, it is a minivan.) Well, we got there about 9:15 and it didnt open until 10! Argg. I got the idea to take them to the slightly farther away but enormous and gorgeous and huge and massive library about 5 miles away. This place is an architectural masterpiece, a glowing beacon of steel and glass, absolutely breathtaking. they have puppets and computers and a cafe and it is truly amazing. the kind of place I was ready to spend hours in. It has a tree house and a fake castle theme with a roaring dragon....and so after parking far away, setting up the double jogging stroller in the windy freezing parking lot, hooking up the diaperbag, the water cups, my coffee, the baby and her buckles and her protective blankets, reassuring Charlie over the din of the high winds and the dangers of the busy parking lot that no, there were no bugs in his stroller (there was an earwig like a month ago) and keeping Casey from darting away to his doom, we plodded in to the magic giant library.
and then
Charlie saw and heard the dragon. the neat, interesting, terribly poorly planned DRAGON, the fake dragon with Bose surround sound bass trembling "Snoring" and glowing eyes and ummm yep you guessed it, "Mama......I wanna go home. I wanna go home now. I wanna go home!!!!!!!!"
I have not been one of those moms who leaves the store to teach little Billy the lesson. I never have. I am too lazy too tired too overstrapped, I cant imagine being that cool or flexible or patient. If you are an ass in the store then there will be consequences, but I really have never just left on request. but dude, Charlie was HORRIFIED. He has a grimace on his face that only meant one thing: We had to leave. We tried to talk to him, but he was SO freaked out and upset that he was looking all around himself maniacally like anything could be scary, he was scared of the entire library. So we left.
On the carride home, he was already talking about "Its just pwetend, da dwagon is just pwetend, it is just a toy, he is not scawey." Maybe I did the right thing and maybe HOPEFULLY we can go back there someday soon.
We tried to "Still do" our regular school stuff and it just didnt work. they were off their schedules and everything was weird. We ended up playing in the basement and folding clothes and letting our bunny hop around and oh yeah-- we checked out a cool CD I did get to do at least that and we listened to it. It is Pete Seeger folk songs and it really is awesome. Lots of talking and story telling it is from 1959 and I think our adult friends might really appreciate it. We'll have to "burn a copy" and keep it. that still always feels like stealing!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Monday school: Purple, E, Oval, and rhythms working nicely
Today we did the letter E, the color purple, and the shape oval.
We are making books, 3 ring binders with those clear sleeve things in them. We fill out our letter, trace it, draw it freehand (Casey only) and do a little tracing and gluing and cutting of the letter shape and color. Although this might be remedial or babyish, they love it now and it is something that brings us together for "table time" every morning.
I am much more interested in setting up rhythms than learning new facts right now. You cant stop people especially little children from learning new facts, it happens constantly, but them forming their own connections in their own little days is their own job, I am here providing them with nice structures, rhythms, routines and some guidance, food, and love in an environment that I hope is conducive to positive safe times which ids the only way anyone can "LEARN", in safety and peace.
I am sure this ABC-123 stuff is what was going on the public school kindergarten, too, I do not fault them for "doing" "easy" stuff its just that...well the social aspects were bringing out the absolute worst in Casey and it wasnt appropriate to his positive development. None of it. As John Holt points out, and I am paraphrasing, when children are in an adverse hostile or perceived-to-be upsetting situation, they are not ready to learn and make connections, they are ready to fight, cry, rebel, act out, withdraw, and mimic negative behaviors of the 26 little strangers from who knows what kind of families.
Being around 26 little kids all day in a strange understaffed environment with confusing rules, unaccommodating scheduling, scary giant alone hot lunch program cafeteria chaos scene "I didnt get my peaches, Mama and noone helped me!" , well it was all wrong.
We are getting into a very set day now, and I love it. The boys know exactly what we are gonna do and when, and it fits their temperament and even the baby is getting a little schedule of her own! Crazy! Even though I did not set out to have set clock-times for most of this, it is becoming very precise when we do our things:
6-7 ish wake up
8 the big kids are gone and we do our letter, shape and color work at the table, including breakfast snacking. They seem to prefer grazing on apples cheese nuts etc and do not like more typical (sugary simple carbs) breakfast fare which is GOOD--so no pancakes, cereal, toast for the boys which is good good good.
930 we switch to watching signing time or playing music toys or regular working/playing such as playdoh or legos/duplos or cars, train tracks, etc.
10 we get all geared up (coat wether now) and go on our "Color Hunt". Eska sleeps in her car seat (not much longer!) while we go out front and search for items of our day's color. We found fifty two PURPLE things--imagine!
I thought purple was gonna be a weak one, but lots of purple-mauve shutters and flowers and leaves on our block. Like I said, they have known their colors since they were like 18 months old but it is the idea of a goal-oriented nature walk of sorts, as well as an exercises in paying attention-- truely stopping and being observant little people--that is the "point". We are so cute with our clipboard, walking all around our side of the street. I wonder if the neighbors see us and wonder what we are doing.
11ish the outside time turns into "Im hungry", or, they just want to play and roll and poll so I go in and make lunch, nurse Eska, etc.
1130 we eat lunch. If I have had too much coffee, I might eat quietly alone at 1. It depends.
12 we sing and read "wild stories". We get to be nice and loud, baby is awake, and they are enjoying my singing voice as I belt out the tunes I learned from back in the days of working at the nursery school, little songs about Jump Up And Down, and The Old Kentucky Fair, and all of my songs I have made up over the years. They know naptime is coming and if they are "bad", meaning, kicking each other or purposefully dancing into the glass windows and knocking everything off the shelves (hooligan boys!!) that they will have to go to bed without their special story.
1245 we read a special story or two or three :).
100pm sharp is naptime. Not too much complaining anymore, all the blame goes on the clock itself! "Oh wow look it is one oclock, guys, we have to go to rest time now"!
Casey gets to watch DIY Network in my bed and learn about installing pipes and plumbing and Charlie sleeps in his crib properly
1:05to 2:00 is MY TIME. Do the online banking, balance the budget, checking email, blogging, searching for a new dentist, pediatrician, whatnot.
2:00 Casey pops right out. Sigh. But he will play quietly and I can tidy or rest with Eska.
3:00 I get Charlie up. He is a bear and red faced and out of it for a good 15 minutes. We try to get this part over before the hurricane that is Greta, Mickey and whatever kid they drag home with them come blaring in.
3:30 hurricane
mish mosh of telling about school, snacking, dinner prep, etc.
530 dinner (???)
600 start homework
7-8 Casey to bed first, Charlie 8ish
930 big kids alseep
So our schedule is tight and yet not all the way. We are also trying to visit with little nice friends several days of the week so that would be instead of Caseys naptime. this also forgoes my rest time which is tricky. Steve has been awesomer and awesomer about "letting" me do what i need to do in the evenings if i need to. Mental health mini-errand running with just Eska, computer time, shower, rest, whatnot.
We clean all evening and have tried to say we have to stop cleaning at 10 pm so we can watch a little TV or whatever ; ) but its hard. I do not clean at all during the days right now and I guess it will slowly fit back in someday!
We are making books, 3 ring binders with those clear sleeve things in them. We fill out our letter, trace it, draw it freehand (Casey only) and do a little tracing and gluing and cutting of the letter shape and color. Although this might be remedial or babyish, they love it now and it is something that brings us together for "table time" every morning.
I am much more interested in setting up rhythms than learning new facts right now. You cant stop people especially little children from learning new facts, it happens constantly, but them forming their own connections in their own little days is their own job, I am here providing them with nice structures, rhythms, routines and some guidance, food, and love in an environment that I hope is conducive to positive safe times which ids the only way anyone can "LEARN", in safety and peace.
I am sure this ABC-123 stuff is what was going on the public school kindergarten, too, I do not fault them for "doing" "easy" stuff its just that...well the social aspects were bringing out the absolute worst in Casey and it wasnt appropriate to his positive development. None of it. As John Holt points out, and I am paraphrasing, when children are in an adverse hostile or perceived-to-be upsetting situation, they are not ready to learn and make connections, they are ready to fight, cry, rebel, act out, withdraw, and mimic negative behaviors of the 26 little strangers from who knows what kind of families.
Being around 26 little kids all day in a strange understaffed environment with confusing rules, unaccommodating scheduling, scary giant alone hot lunch program cafeteria chaos scene "I didnt get my peaches, Mama and noone helped me!" , well it was all wrong.
We are getting into a very set day now, and I love it. The boys know exactly what we are gonna do and when, and it fits their temperament and even the baby is getting a little schedule of her own! Crazy! Even though I did not set out to have set clock-times for most of this, it is becoming very precise when we do our things:
6-7 ish wake up
8 the big kids are gone and we do our letter, shape and color work at the table, including breakfast snacking. They seem to prefer grazing on apples cheese nuts etc and do not like more typical (sugary simple carbs) breakfast fare which is GOOD--so no pancakes, cereal, toast for the boys which is good good good.
930 we switch to watching signing time or playing music toys or regular working/playing such as playdoh or legos/duplos or cars, train tracks, etc.
10 we get all geared up (coat wether now) and go on our "Color Hunt". Eska sleeps in her car seat (not much longer!) while we go out front and search for items of our day's color. We found fifty two PURPLE things--imagine!
I thought purple was gonna be a weak one, but lots of purple-mauve shutters and flowers and leaves on our block. Like I said, they have known their colors since they were like 18 months old but it is the idea of a goal-oriented nature walk of sorts, as well as an exercises in paying attention-- truely stopping and being observant little people--that is the "point". We are so cute with our clipboard, walking all around our side of the street. I wonder if the neighbors see us and wonder what we are doing.
11ish the outside time turns into "Im hungry", or, they just want to play and roll and poll so I go in and make lunch, nurse Eska, etc.
1130 we eat lunch. If I have had too much coffee, I might eat quietly alone at 1. It depends.
12 we sing and read "wild stories". We get to be nice and loud, baby is awake, and they are enjoying my singing voice as I belt out the tunes I learned from back in the days of working at the nursery school, little songs about Jump Up And Down, and The Old Kentucky Fair, and all of my songs I have made up over the years. They know naptime is coming and if they are "bad", meaning, kicking each other or purposefully dancing into the glass windows and knocking everything off the shelves (hooligan boys!!) that they will have to go to bed without their special story.
1245 we read a special story or two or three :).
100pm sharp is naptime. Not too much complaining anymore, all the blame goes on the clock itself! "Oh wow look it is one oclock, guys, we have to go to rest time now"!
Casey gets to watch DIY Network in my bed and learn about installing pipes and plumbing and Charlie sleeps in his crib properly
1:05to 2:00 is MY TIME. Do the online banking, balance the budget, checking email, blogging, searching for a new dentist, pediatrician, whatnot.
2:00 Casey pops right out. Sigh. But he will play quietly and I can tidy or rest with Eska.
3:00 I get Charlie up. He is a bear and red faced and out of it for a good 15 minutes. We try to get this part over before the hurricane that is Greta, Mickey and whatever kid they drag home with them come blaring in.
3:30 hurricane
mish mosh of telling about school, snacking, dinner prep, etc.
530 dinner (???)
600 start homework
7-8 Casey to bed first, Charlie 8ish
930 big kids alseep
So our schedule is tight and yet not all the way. We are also trying to visit with little nice friends several days of the week so that would be instead of Caseys naptime. this also forgoes my rest time which is tricky. Steve has been awesomer and awesomer about "letting" me do what i need to do in the evenings if i need to. Mental health mini-errand running with just Eska, computer time, shower, rest, whatnot.
We clean all evening and have tried to say we have to stop cleaning at 10 pm so we can watch a little TV or whatever ; ) but its hard. I do not clean at all during the days right now and I guess it will slowly fit back in someday!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Friday school: Green, D, heart, construction paper, outdoors quiet fun
Today has been great!
We did letter D, and our days of the week song, and worked with construction paper on some Halloweenish stuff, and drew hearts and played Wii bowling and Wii tennis and then went outside for a grand hunt of GREEN--we got 102 things! We stayed outside for a long long time and the boys "made instruments" out of wood and cement and rubbish and got into this real nice zone of quietly playing and working and talking to themselves. about 2 hours of that and then I announced naptime to no complaints.
This new routine is getting nicer and nicer!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thursday
Today we didnt do school too much. We had to run Daddy around on errands all morning and then we met some good old friends at a park and it was super cold and Charlie was crying and bad. It happens.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wednesday school: C, Orange, Square, Visiting
Today was letter C. And color Orange. We found 46 Orange things on our hike. The boys are falling into their routine nicely now. Eska chews her rattle and growls..she is getting some teeth soon it seems! We went visiting our good friend and her little girl and had lunch time with them at their place. The boys are so calm and well mannered at places--very good and odd I must admit! Makes me want to live on the road! I am excited about these new habits and there is a new sweet twist: MICKEY is all supportive of us homeschooling Casey (!) and he sets up our white board every night. He has become a much nicer brother lately. Maybe he needed some space without toddlers. They are adorable in moderate doses, aren't they?
(For those of you who wanted some pictures of our house on the Heart and Home blog, Iam going to take some official ones soon, but you can appreciate how tiny our cute little kitchen is in some of the pictures here, you can see the little "footprint" of white tiles--thats the whole thing! Also, in the picture where Charlie is gluing you can see the little opening to my bedroom and over there is the bathroom and nursery.)
I have been trying to buy a planner, returned two, looked into printables, making my own, but I finally got one at WalMart for 5 bucks that will work! Now I will begin the monumental task of filling it out with all the school stuff....
I think I will get creative and MAKE by hand something that works for me and then xerox the pages and make a binder. Maybe I'll handwrite it in black marker so it is extra cool. Do people still say xerox? LOL have a great day!
MamaJoy
"I had it made"
Things were incredibly easy and calm for me those 5 weeks that Casey was in school. It was kind of insane, how quiet and Joy-Centered my time instantly became. I went from completely harried and overwhelmed depressed anxious chaos Mom of 5 to clean and serene lady sipping coffee in her squeaky clean house with a sleeping newborn and one little Charlie who was playing playdoh all morning with classical music on. It was awesome.
BUT it was not awesome for Casey and the rest taught me alot. I learned to budget time and money in a whole new way. I caught up on my house. I rearranged some rooms (didnt do the heavy lifting, I promise) and straightened stuff up. I read. I thought. I...could have used more time but it was enough to feel ready for the task that is raising Casey. It is completely different than any other childcare I have ever encountered.
So, I "had it made" and yet that is ridiculous. No mother has it made whose child is miserable. Now I have it made...in a different way. My child is safe and happy and therefore, we all "have it made".
BUT it was not awesome for Casey and the rest taught me alot. I learned to budget time and money in a whole new way. I caught up on my house. I rearranged some rooms (didnt do the heavy lifting, I promise) and straightened stuff up. I read. I thought. I...could have used more time but it was enough to feel ready for the task that is raising Casey. It is completely different than any other childcare I have ever encountered.
So, I "had it made" and yet that is ridiculous. No mother has it made whose child is miserable. Now I have it made...in a different way. My child is safe and happy and therefore, we all "have it made".
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tuesday school: B, Yellow, cookies, and a visit
Today we did B. Coloring, cutting, drawing, gluing, tracing and then writing big B and little b. Our color was yellow and we went outside for a hunt of yellow things. We found forty-two! We also made and baked cookies and then had a fine lunch of black bean and tomato nachos. The boys watched one TV show while I tidied and retidied and tidied some more for our guests: My mom and my 5 1/2 year old nephew.
It was freezing and rainy all morning, thus the 2 coats in the pictures..but by the time they came it was warm and sunny : ) Charlie got to visit a bit before his nap (he is the first child we have had who CANNOT miss his nap lest hell be unleashed in the form of screeching and tantruming and worse by 3pm)
Casey and his cousin played that they were "chopping guys" (Ax Men?) and took huge branches and whacked away at the wood pile out back, then talked us into a little video game action. I was happy to show my mom a little that not all video games are "bad" and she had to admit that the Wii Bowling was very harmless, simple, and amusing. She and I disagree about video games to some extent, but they are a real part of our family's life and so is outdoor play and wood toys and imagination and all that stuff too and so I appreciate her checking out the video-bowling with us, it ended up fun and funny. and alot easier than taking 4 little kids to actual bowling, LOL
Greta and Mickey had MEAP testing today at school and they said it wasn't too bad. The school gave them lots of extra recess in between tests and they loved that. It was literally perfect weather today, maybe 68 and sunny, so all in all, a good day if not somewhat exhausting.
Monday, October 13, 2008
so far, cool
OOH I forgot to tell you!
I dropped off a letter sealed in an envelope to the Principal's mailbox Friday. It was extremely succinct and basically said Casey will no longer be attending ___elementary for the 2008-2009 schoolyear, we have made alternate arrangements for his education. Signed, Joy and Steve...
He called today and left a neutral sounding message, just wanted to "touch base". Then I called him back, and was happy to play phone tag and get HIS voicemail, to which I left a cheery message thanking him for calling and then I just spat out some little thing about we like your school but we have found something that we feel is more appropriate for Casey--click--
I wonder if there will be anymore "fallout"? I don't have to walk up there anymore so I can kind of "hide"...the neighbors haven't found out yet....I'm just not in the mood to retell the (non) "story" everyday you know? I am sure there will be some stuff to come but so far smooth sailing :)
I dropped off a letter sealed in an envelope to the Principal's mailbox Friday. It was extremely succinct and basically said Casey will no longer be attending ___elementary for the 2008-2009 schoolyear, we have made alternate arrangements for his education. Signed, Joy and Steve...
He called today and left a neutral sounding message, just wanted to "touch base". Then I called him back, and was happy to play phone tag and get HIS voicemail, to which I left a cheery message thanking him for calling and then I just spat out some little thing about we like your school but we have found something that we feel is more appropriate for Casey--click--
I wonder if there will be anymore "fallout"? I don't have to walk up there anymore so I can kind of "hide"...the neighbors haven't found out yet....I'm just not in the mood to retell the (non) "story" everyday you know? I am sure there will be some stuff to come but so far smooth sailing :)
Monday school: A, Red, fire safety, and fresh air play
Today we "did" the letter A. What does that mean?
I drew a huge Aa and then I wrote one made out of dashes to be traced and then Casey had to write his very best A and a freehand. Then we sang a song about the 2 sounds that A makes. Then we thought of some words that start with A.
Our color of the day today was red. We went outside and found fifty three things that were red, and wrote them down together, in, of course, red crayon!
Then I read to them all about fire safety--we had some really impressive pamphlets from the Boy Scout fire safety thing that Mickey attended this weekend that had some good information in them so we read all about stop drop and roll, crawling below the smoke, don't play with matches, gas, or candles and how to treat burns.
We made Jello for dinnertime together, played out in the leaves for a good long while, and had a healthy lunch of:
sunflower seeds
cheese cubes
whole grain pb+j
cottage cheese
and Tang or chocolate milk.
Now is naptime which we preceded with a reading of Green Eyes, a sweet library book about the seasons.
Mickey was feverish and congested yesterday and was when he woke up so per school rules about fevers, he stayed home today. That is why he is in these pictures. Tomorrow they have MEAP tests and he cant miss those so we erred on the side of caution.
All three boys are resting and Eska is hungry so gotta go for now! Enjoy this warm weather...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
listing what we did and looking for what works so we can have a schedule soon
Tuesday we went to Kids Korner in the morning, came home and had healthy lunch, a little free time with playdoh and music, and then naps. For Casey AND Charlie. I was hoping Casey would stay in bed but not sleep and thats exactly what he did. Cool. If he sleeps he will not be tired anywhere near bedtime (730 to 9 ish) and that will be a problem, especially for Steve. But I want my afternoon break! Need is more like it! So Casey rested for about an hour, Charlie took his usually 2+ hour nap.
Wednesday we did a bit of school at home. We talked about what Casey liked about school and what he wanted to continue at home. He didnt "like" anything except gym but he said they were on letter "Y" and so we made some Y's out of cheerios and paper and he spontaneously wrote Yo-yo over and over and we agreed that that was a great fun Y word.
Casey Charlie and I did "music class" with Eska in the basement around 9 in the morning. I played Woody Guthries childrens songs (they are super primal and great, really a beautiful side of Woody) and I laid out 4 little receiving blankets on the floor. White, yellow, blue, and pink, each with one instrument in the middle. I acted all teachery and said "Pick a color!" and the boys scrambled to one blanket, then I went to another one, and one was empty. We then played along with Woody for maybe a minute and then I yelled SWITCH! again. They were very into it but then there was a scuffle about them both wanting the drum. See? Socialization! LOL Later the game turned into dancing and then the interest was waning and so we made a production about folding all the blankets up and turning down all the lights and watching Signing Time, a precious show on PBS about sign language. Eska jumped in her doorway jumper thing (yes she is strong enough for that already! she LOVES it!) and then Daddy brought us the minivan home for his lunchbreak and we took him back to work and went to good ole WalMart for a few things.
We got a whiteboard/dry erase thing and a few more little officey supplies that Casey adores. 3 dollar stapler, etc. SO he "made books" for the rest of the day, evening and now is currently doing so! I must hook up the scanner to show you his cute work.
Today is Thursday and all the kids have no school for Yom Kippur. Things are a bit haphazard which is sometimes ok but I am really sleepy this morning so it has to be. Greta is still asleep and it is 11am. Poor kid.
We are going to go to the zoo or park or something later, all of the kids and me. We get along great when we are out but when we are all home everyone dissipates, which is to be expected, but it makes me a little sad. I miss when we all sat and played together. If I drag them to a place it might happen!
I am looking forward to trying out little things and seeing rhythms and patterns. It is of great importance for me to come up with "Tuesday is library day", etc for the homeschool year. I think it is abundantly clear that a "third party", even if it is the homemade chart or calendar, helps us a great deal to know what to do. I know our timeline at least:
6ish Casey and Charlie wake up
7 wake up Greta and Mickey
8 Greta and Mickey have to be in school
8 to 11 Homeschool activities
11 to 12ish lunchtime
12 to 1 quiet play/I read to the boys
1 naptime
2 Casey gets up (?)
3 I get Charlie up
330 the big kids get home
now this part is all a mess, the 330 to dinner.......
Some nights are boy scouts, girls scouts, daddy needs a ride, daddy works late, all a mess
Some ideas bandied about of me taking one kid to the library for quiet homework help, hasnt happened yet
730 Casey to bed
745 Charlie to bed
830 to 9ish Greta and Mickey go upstairs and hang out/play video game/watch tv
930 Greta and Mickey asleep
Thats it so far! We haven't had one full week yet where there was no holiday or noone home sick so time will tell. Ideas?
Wednesday we did a bit of school at home. We talked about what Casey liked about school and what he wanted to continue at home. He didnt "like" anything except gym but he said they were on letter "Y" and so we made some Y's out of cheerios and paper and he spontaneously wrote Yo-yo over and over and we agreed that that was a great fun Y word.
Casey Charlie and I did "music class" with Eska in the basement around 9 in the morning. I played Woody Guthries childrens songs (they are super primal and great, really a beautiful side of Woody) and I laid out 4 little receiving blankets on the floor. White, yellow, blue, and pink, each with one instrument in the middle. I acted all teachery and said "Pick a color!" and the boys scrambled to one blanket, then I went to another one, and one was empty. We then played along with Woody for maybe a minute and then I yelled SWITCH! again. They were very into it but then there was a scuffle about them both wanting the drum. See? Socialization! LOL Later the game turned into dancing and then the interest was waning and so we made a production about folding all the blankets up and turning down all the lights and watching Signing Time, a precious show on PBS about sign language. Eska jumped in her doorway jumper thing (yes she is strong enough for that already! she LOVES it!) and then Daddy brought us the minivan home for his lunchbreak and we took him back to work and went to good ole WalMart for a few things.
We got a whiteboard/dry erase thing and a few more little officey supplies that Casey adores. 3 dollar stapler, etc. SO he "made books" for the rest of the day, evening and now is currently doing so! I must hook up the scanner to show you his cute work.
Today is Thursday and all the kids have no school for Yom Kippur. Things are a bit haphazard which is sometimes ok but I am really sleepy this morning so it has to be. Greta is still asleep and it is 11am. Poor kid.
We are going to go to the zoo or park or something later, all of the kids and me. We get along great when we are out but when we are all home everyone dissipates, which is to be expected, but it makes me a little sad. I miss when we all sat and played together. If I drag them to a place it might happen!
I am looking forward to trying out little things and seeing rhythms and patterns. It is of great importance for me to come up with "Tuesday is library day", etc for the homeschool year. I think it is abundantly clear that a "third party", even if it is the homemade chart or calendar, helps us a great deal to know what to do. I know our timeline at least:
6ish Casey and Charlie wake up
7 wake up Greta and Mickey
8 Greta and Mickey have to be in school
8 to 11 Homeschool activities
11 to 12ish lunchtime
12 to 1 quiet play/I read to the boys
1 naptime
2 Casey gets up (?)
3 I get Charlie up
330 the big kids get home
now this part is all a mess, the 330 to dinner.......
Some nights are boy scouts, girls scouts, daddy needs a ride, daddy works late, all a mess
Some ideas bandied about of me taking one kid to the library for quiet homework help, hasnt happened yet
730 Casey to bed
745 Charlie to bed
830 to 9ish Greta and Mickey go upstairs and hang out/play video game/watch tv
930 Greta and Mickey asleep
Thats it so far! We haven't had one full week yet where there was no holiday or noone home sick so time will tell. Ideas?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Trust
First read this. It is more eloquent than I can muster today or maybe ever. Then brace yourselves for not too much of a shock: Casey is coming back home. Today is Tuesday and I called him in "sick". They have Thursday off anyways and well, I think he is done, done. As of what happened yesterday and the continued stories that are coming to us via the teacher, the principal, and Casey himself, there really is no need to waste even one more iota of anyone's time with this little failed experiment. I am sure his poor teacher, bless her heart, won't be too heartbroken LOL
He, his brother Charlie, and his baby sister Eskarina and I spent a very gentle and quiet and beautiful morning today at Kids Korner, which is a little place in a nearby town that is near and dear to our hearts. All it is is a room at the community center which is filled with toys, both gross motor and fine motor, and they worked and built and dug and drew and laughed and ran and hugged and kissed and climbed and chatted and shared and sang and co-operated and thought and grew and learned in peace and safety and--peace some more. Casey was a wonderful boy and extraordinarily kind and composed. I got multiple complements on my children--Casey in particular--something I used to take for granted but something that doesn't seem to happen much lately, especially in the past year. We came home to a preservative-free whole foods lunch of tomatos, carrots, apples, red peppers, popcorn and cheddar cheese with ice water. We will be eating like this from now on, at least for lunch. The TV never came on once. (Neither did any tantrums, outbursts or bad behavior! Hmm...)
It IS funny and ironic how we were just this homeschooling family for over 7 years, who tried school on for a change and now that it is working beautifully for the 2 oldest kids and failing miserably for little Casey, that I find myself feeling all nervous and outcast and shy and even scared to "announce" (?!?!) our radical plans to "everyone". Who gives a flying crap? I think my whole ride on the postpartum depression coaster has still got me a bit shaky as far as changes and self confidence are concerned--but that is improving rapidly, daily, hourly, even. I actually havent been this happy in a very, very long time.
I did note to Steve last night that it is amazing what a HUGE thing school truly, truly is in the community, how it can completley take over the entire life of a family--and how confidently and casually we just didnt participate in it, ever. Now I feel scared and freaky to write the big letter proclaiming that Mister Casey is gonna drop out. LOL. Be Homeschooled. Not be returning. See ya in 3rd grade or something, maybe. I do not anticipate any trouble, but I feel weird and I feel weird about feeling weird--silly, right?
I don't want to have to have some "big explanation" every time we leave the house, but I am going to have to, in a way. See, we have neighbors now, everywhere, in fact, and they are ALL deeply invested in this school system. Coaches, Den Leaders, Volunteers, Helpers, Parents, Friends. They will not "get it" and will want a big story and I am not going to give it to them. So I searched my soul and didn't have to search too deeply to come up with this answer:
Our family thinks that early childhood is spent best in homeschool, and that we can provide a better educational environment for our kids when they are very young. Casey will probably be going to ___Elementary in a year or two.
He had another social run-in yesterday which landed him in the Principal's office. If any of you could possibly, possibly get your hands on any of the books by The Moores that I linked to last post, and read what they have to say about 4, 5 and 6 year olds and even a little bit older being in a age-segregated peer group all day long, and then if you could see and read and follow us as we start our own "school year" here at home, I hope you will agree that we are doing what is truly best for this particular child.
but if not, I guess you will just have to trust that we trust, and believe that we believe...in Casey.
This isn't rash or hasty--only sending him was. I am more excited about this than even back in 2001--I feel more than ready for the challenge(s) ahead. I love my little Casey and am 100% certain that there was not one thing positive going on there for him, and a whole lotta negative stuff that was only just beginning.
Thanks in advance for your support, and, your TRUST. I leave you with my most heartfelt observation/conclusion:
I feel more certain than ever that little kids do not belong in that environment. I feel more sure than ever that when a child is given a gentle and sheltered --(yes that controversial word that is totally appropriate if not our most important job as parents!--) early childhood filled with a true love of learning and a safe space in which to unfold and unfurl as a person, under the close supervision on a loving dedicated caregiver in a very low adult-to-child ratio, that they can go on to become wonderful, dedicated and committed, connected, self-motivated and solid students in any capacity. We provided that for Mickey and Greta and so we will continue on with the littlest three.
After a few weeks of "de-tox" we do plan on re-joining our local homeschool groups on some of their outings and little classses, field trips, etc.
Tomorrow I think we'll use our zoo pass! Yipee!
He, his brother Charlie, and his baby sister Eskarina and I spent a very gentle and quiet and beautiful morning today at Kids Korner, which is a little place in a nearby town that is near and dear to our hearts. All it is is a room at the community center which is filled with toys, both gross motor and fine motor, and they worked and built and dug and drew and laughed and ran and hugged and kissed and climbed and chatted and shared and sang and co-operated and thought and grew and learned in peace and safety and--peace some more. Casey was a wonderful boy and extraordinarily kind and composed. I got multiple complements on my children--Casey in particular--something I used to take for granted but something that doesn't seem to happen much lately, especially in the past year. We came home to a preservative-free whole foods lunch of tomatos, carrots, apples, red peppers, popcorn and cheddar cheese with ice water. We will be eating like this from now on, at least for lunch. The TV never came on once. (Neither did any tantrums, outbursts or bad behavior! Hmm...)
It IS funny and ironic how we were just this homeschooling family for over 7 years, who tried school on for a change and now that it is working beautifully for the 2 oldest kids and failing miserably for little Casey, that I find myself feeling all nervous and outcast and shy and even scared to "announce" (?!?!) our radical plans to "everyone". Who gives a flying crap? I think my whole ride on the postpartum depression coaster has still got me a bit shaky as far as changes and self confidence are concerned--but that is improving rapidly, daily, hourly, even. I actually havent been this happy in a very, very long time.
I did note to Steve last night that it is amazing what a HUGE thing school truly, truly is in the community, how it can completley take over the entire life of a family--and how confidently and casually we just didnt participate in it, ever. Now I feel scared and freaky to write the big letter proclaiming that Mister Casey is gonna drop out. LOL. Be Homeschooled. Not be returning. See ya in 3rd grade or something, maybe. I do not anticipate any trouble, but I feel weird and I feel weird about feeling weird--silly, right?
I don't want to have to have some "big explanation" every time we leave the house, but I am going to have to, in a way. See, we have neighbors now, everywhere, in fact, and they are ALL deeply invested in this school system. Coaches, Den Leaders, Volunteers, Helpers, Parents, Friends. They will not "get it" and will want a big story and I am not going to give it to them. So I searched my soul and didn't have to search too deeply to come up with this answer:
Our family thinks that early childhood is spent best in homeschool, and that we can provide a better educational environment for our kids when they are very young. Casey will probably be going to ___Elementary in a year or two.
He had another social run-in yesterday which landed him in the Principal's office. If any of you could possibly, possibly get your hands on any of the books by The Moores that I linked to last post, and read what they have to say about 4, 5 and 6 year olds and even a little bit older being in a age-segregated peer group all day long, and then if you could see and read and follow us as we start our own "school year" here at home, I hope you will agree that we are doing what is truly best for this particular child.
but if not, I guess you will just have to trust that we trust, and believe that we believe...in Casey.
This isn't rash or hasty--only sending him was. I am more excited about this than even back in 2001--I feel more than ready for the challenge(s) ahead. I love my little Casey and am 100% certain that there was not one thing positive going on there for him, and a whole lotta negative stuff that was only just beginning.
Thanks in advance for your support, and, your TRUST. I leave you with my most heartfelt observation/conclusion:
For Casey, School was only a pathetic substitute for home.
For Greta and Mickey, home was becoming pathetic substitute for school.
I feel more certain than ever that little kids do not belong in that environment. I feel more sure than ever that when a child is given a gentle and sheltered --(yes that controversial word that is totally appropriate if not our most important job as parents!--) early childhood filled with a true love of learning and a safe space in which to unfold and unfurl as a person, under the close supervision on a loving dedicated caregiver in a very low adult-to-child ratio, that they can go on to become wonderful, dedicated and committed, connected, self-motivated and solid students in any capacity. We provided that for Mickey and Greta and so we will continue on with the littlest three.
After a few weeks of "de-tox" we do plan on re-joining our local homeschool groups on some of their outings and little classses, field trips, etc.
Tomorrow I think we'll use our zoo pass! Yipee!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Friday October 3 update
I have lots of big ideas but no time to post them so here is just an update!
GRETA:
She is absolutely flourishing in her school. I am incredibly impressed with the subjects she is learning, the work she is producing and the stories she is sharing with me. Only one minor run in with some snotty "mean girls" which was prompty handled by 2 teachers and seemed to barey phase Greta. She loves her homework, loves math (!!!!!!!!!!) and the teachers adore her. She doesnt grumble in the mornings, she is eager to do her homework and to egt everything in on time, and just basically is rockin out and we are astonished and so so proud at the grace with which she has transitioned into school. We attribute a ton of this good attitude to her days as a respected homeschooled little one who didnt have to "Endure" a bunch of bullcrap to get her basics down pat.
MICKEY:
He is doing really well on his assignments, getting grades like 19/20 on little spelling tests and such, making nice friends, trying new foods, etc. He is having a very hard time getting up so early and seems a little down sometimes. He has to be deeply cajoled to do his homework or really anything on his allowance chart such as preparing his outfit or brushing his teeth even! Lazy boy.He has an excellent sweet and very very loving and connected teacher whom he is close to. He misses me and i think the days are a bit long for him but he is doing well otherwise. He is full of happy stories about his days and seems to completely "get" what it is he is supossed to do all day and enjoying it all.
CASEY:
He is overwhelmed. Confused. Lots of micro-tragedies seem to be consuming his days. He didnt get his dessert. So and so kicked him. They lost his pillow. They wont let him go potty. He lost his quarters. He already knows "triangle" and "The color green" and "A is for Apple". He is tired, he has been sick since the first week pretty much, and he is overwhelmed with all the rules they bombard you with in Kindergarten. I liken it to boot camp, break their spirits so you can then control their minds. Understandable. Its crowd control. There are rules in this life young man. Toughen them up. Except I dont want that for my little Casey. The other two are living proof which I did not need anyway that you can be a fine student without all that boot camp. I think Casey is way too young and bored and sad and they are stifling and smothering him.
I have had pulling him out of Kindergarten on my mind, and I am re-reading Home Grown Kids by the Moores, authors of several other fascinating and solid books such as Better Late Than Early, and School Can Wait. I do not want to do anything hasty, but it is on the "front burner", I promise you. The last thing we are "about" as a family is squelching little kids and breaking their hearts and telling them thats nothow we draw flowers honey or you cant go to the bathroom! Grrr
It is funny to me that I am actually fearing/dreading the backlash of "people" if we pulled little Casey out and brought him back home--when here we were a complete, all the way till 12th grade homeschooling family out and proud and in your face with the bumperstickers and all just this August. I dont care, but I am not looking forward to it. School isnt even compulsary here until age 6 and homeschooling is totally legal so it would be one little letter to type but I want to wait and think about what we would do that would be really great and not just watch Noggin and fight. (NOthing wrong with that but I want more or else the taxation on Charlie and Eska and myself would seem to be lost. I want to show Casey a really enriching incredible year and well right now I am just getting back into the swing of things like taking a shower and being off medications kniw?)
B U T
My mental health has just just started to get strong again and I want to be careful. Even though today I liken his school days as about on par with a mediocre daycare, he also does have some happy stories and some cute little friends and seems to enjoy some of it. So I am reading, soul searching, studying, preparing and thinking. Would him being home turn me back into that screaming swearing Mama again with the chaotic house and the omnipresent TV blaring? Did we throw the baby out with the bathwater by sending Casey to school---I mean, its so ironic and strange really that this whole "School" thing started with the notion that "If Casey goes to school we can have some peace to teach the older kids..." and then BAM post partum depression and loss of family life as anyone knew it and all three are sent to school! Strange.
I have peace and quiet now. Me and Charlie and ESka have the most darling gentle little days imaginable and it is heavenly.
but
but
but
I have my entire life to listen to classical music and sip coffees and sweep the floors and make uninterrupted phone calls. Casey only has one childhood and I vowed to do the VERY BEST by my kids every single year. As of now, I dont know what is best. They were off school Tuesday and I was ready to dig for an old Vicodin by 11am. Casey was insane, outside breaking the neighbor's fence, hitting Charlie, defying me, and I was crying, cursing, and shaking just like I was 2 months ago. BUT....they were also off school Wednesday and it was wonderful. We went to a park with some friends and he played nicer than anyone could imagine, for hours upon hours in the cold.
So if/when Casey is back home, things will not be like they are now. I will need to dig VERY deep as to what would be an appropriate "homeschool day" for him, and see if what I come up with would be a detriment to Eska or Charlie. I would need filed trips, daily activities, trips, a tight schedule, (and energy and a little money and a few supplies) to make it work. He isnt a "sit around and read or whatever" kind of boy. Little does he know how intently I am studying him when he is home right now....
thats all for now!
GRETA:
She is absolutely flourishing in her school. I am incredibly impressed with the subjects she is learning, the work she is producing and the stories she is sharing with me. Only one minor run in with some snotty "mean girls" which was prompty handled by 2 teachers and seemed to barey phase Greta. She loves her homework, loves math (!!!!!!!!!!) and the teachers adore her. She doesnt grumble in the mornings, she is eager to do her homework and to egt everything in on time, and just basically is rockin out and we are astonished and so so proud at the grace with which she has transitioned into school. We attribute a ton of this good attitude to her days as a respected homeschooled little one who didnt have to "Endure" a bunch of bullcrap to get her basics down pat.
MICKEY:
He is doing really well on his assignments, getting grades like 19/20 on little spelling tests and such, making nice friends, trying new foods, etc. He is having a very hard time getting up so early and seems a little down sometimes. He has to be deeply cajoled to do his homework or really anything on his allowance chart such as preparing his outfit or brushing his teeth even! Lazy boy.He has an excellent sweet and very very loving and connected teacher whom he is close to. He misses me and i think the days are a bit long for him but he is doing well otherwise. He is full of happy stories about his days and seems to completely "get" what it is he is supossed to do all day and enjoying it all.
CASEY:
He is overwhelmed. Confused. Lots of micro-tragedies seem to be consuming his days. He didnt get his dessert. So and so kicked him. They lost his pillow. They wont let him go potty. He lost his quarters. He already knows "triangle" and "The color green" and "A is for Apple". He is tired, he has been sick since the first week pretty much, and he is overwhelmed with all the rules they bombard you with in Kindergarten. I liken it to boot camp, break their spirits so you can then control their minds. Understandable. Its crowd control. There are rules in this life young man. Toughen them up. Except I dont want that for my little Casey. The other two are living proof which I did not need anyway that you can be a fine student without all that boot camp. I think Casey is way too young and bored and sad and they are stifling and smothering him.
I have had pulling him out of Kindergarten on my mind, and I am re-reading Home Grown Kids by the Moores, authors of several other fascinating and solid books such as Better Late Than Early, and School Can Wait. I do not want to do anything hasty, but it is on the "front burner", I promise you. The last thing we are "about" as a family is squelching little kids and breaking their hearts and telling them thats nothow we draw flowers honey or you cant go to the bathroom! Grrr
It is funny to me that I am actually fearing/dreading the backlash of "people" if we pulled little Casey out and brought him back home--when here we were a complete, all the way till 12th grade homeschooling family out and proud and in your face with the bumperstickers and all just this August. I dont care, but I am not looking forward to it. School isnt even compulsary here until age 6 and homeschooling is totally legal so it would be one little letter to type but I want to wait and think about what we would do that would be really great and not just watch Noggin and fight. (NOthing wrong with that but I want more or else the taxation on Charlie and Eska and myself would seem to be lost. I want to show Casey a really enriching incredible year and well right now I am just getting back into the swing of things like taking a shower and being off medications kniw?)
B U T
My mental health has just just started to get strong again and I want to be careful. Even though today I liken his school days as about on par with a mediocre daycare, he also does have some happy stories and some cute little friends and seems to enjoy some of it. So I am reading, soul searching, studying, preparing and thinking. Would him being home turn me back into that screaming swearing Mama again with the chaotic house and the omnipresent TV blaring? Did we throw the baby out with the bathwater by sending Casey to school---I mean, its so ironic and strange really that this whole "School" thing started with the notion that "If Casey goes to school we can have some peace to teach the older kids..." and then BAM post partum depression and loss of family life as anyone knew it and all three are sent to school! Strange.
I have peace and quiet now. Me and Charlie and ESka have the most darling gentle little days imaginable and it is heavenly.
but
but
but
I have my entire life to listen to classical music and sip coffees and sweep the floors and make uninterrupted phone calls. Casey only has one childhood and I vowed to do the VERY BEST by my kids every single year. As of now, I dont know what is best. They were off school Tuesday and I was ready to dig for an old Vicodin by 11am. Casey was insane, outside breaking the neighbor's fence, hitting Charlie, defying me, and I was crying, cursing, and shaking just like I was 2 months ago. BUT....they were also off school Wednesday and it was wonderful. We went to a park with some friends and he played nicer than anyone could imagine, for hours upon hours in the cold.
So if/when Casey is back home, things will not be like they are now. I will need to dig VERY deep as to what would be an appropriate "homeschool day" for him, and see if what I come up with would be a detriment to Eska or Charlie. I would need filed trips, daily activities, trips, a tight schedule, (and energy and a little money and a few supplies) to make it work. He isnt a "sit around and read or whatever" kind of boy. Little does he know how intently I am studying him when he is home right now....
thats all for now!
Monday, September 29, 2008
A Case(y) study: Part 1-getting to know Casey, the early years.
Casey Stefan was born on August 3rd, 2003, at home, our third child, younger brother to Mickey who was 3 and Greta who was 6. We tried for 20 months to get pregnant with him, and we were overjoyed to welcome him into the world on my own mother's birthday, no less--without surgery, hospitalization, or any fears of not being "ready" for this child. We had an old 5 bedroom bungalow that was filled with happy accoutrements of early childhood, toys, homeschool supplies, books, etc, and really, nobody could have been happier or more prepared for a new baby to come into their lives than we were for our Casey.
He was an easy enough newborn, meaning, no colic or anything, but he did nurse alot and with great intensity, 'round the clock, I do remember that much. But other than that, he seemed cheerful and contented enough, nothing out of the ordinary as far as babies go. We did not vaccinate him, having read up on the dangers of that, and, at the time, being homeschoolers, he was a healthy baby who never went to the doctor. He was very big when he was born, eleven pounds, and he grew through his clothes at a very rapid rate.
When he was about 4 months old, he seemed bored--truly. He just gave off this aura of wanting something more, much more, funner, more interesting, and so we put him in the doorway-jumper and, unlike his older brother and sister who just sort of hung there innocently until they were MUCH older, Casey really and truly was JUMPING within a few days.
when he was 5 months old, and I have video to prove it, he was already doing a modified army-crawl. He would yell and growl and actually get somewhere at an age when his older brother and sister were barely, barely rolling over from back to front and then crying from the excitement of it all, little Casey was trying to get somewhere...was he going to his blankie or perhaps a teddy bear? Oh, no-- Casey the five month old wanted the TV/entertainment center, and he wanted it bad. Was this some kind of joke? Babyproofing for a five month old? Sheesh! We put a few pillows in front of the TV stand.
Ha!
He had those thrown to the side like they were kleenex. He also had another obsession: to scooch over to the electrical outlets and pull out the safety plugs and jam them down his throat. Huh?
I got an Ergo Carrier when he was about 8 months old, and could wear him on my back for long long periods of time. He seemed really happy to be on me, with that nice high vantage point, but he would pull my hair and jump--yes jump--and it was hard on my back--and scalp! but he was a very happy baby in the Ergo, singing and cooing and laughing--great big belly laughs.
He hated the car--another curve ball--seeing as, the car, for us, like so many other parents, was the magic machine that put babies to sleep, right? No, not mister Casey. He screamed bloody murder most of the time we were out--and if not, he was wide awake, never ever did the car put him to sleep, ever. That put a damper on our homeschool field trips and we started doing things alot closer to home for a while there. Mysteriously, when he was about one year old, though, he would ONLY fall asleep in the car and we had an annoying stint where we would drive him around the blocks for ten minutes and then carry him (SHHHHHHHHHH Mickey!!!!!!) to his bed. Stress!
Sleep--yikes--he didnt do too much of that after the newborn weeks--but not in a walk-the-floors-with-baby colicky sort of way, I am talking wide awake party-boy, just was not tired! I slept with him, as I do with all of my nurslings, but instead of cozy times at Mama's breast, it was all night hyjinx--patting me, laughing, biting, climbing, poking me up the nose, in the eyes, and really hardly ever settling down/nodding off --ever. I was BEYOND sleep deprived, and we "kicked him out" of our bed at the youngest age of any of our children--by nine months old he got the full "Ferberizing" treatment--but he was a stubborn little thing and it took a full week to get him to lay down in his crib and figure out that this was his little bed and that everything was ok, etc. He would sleep alone in his crib for about 4 hours and then he would cry and we would bring him back in with us, and then and only then would he seem to be willing to have some milk and then sleep nicely with us. Again, this was all new to us and nothing like our experiences with the oldest two who only fell asleep for nursies or carrides and who were very cuddly bedfellows for the first year (or a little longer) of their lives.
Casey was really surpassing his older siblings in physical milestones, and, even though he was so large at birth, he was starting to show signs of slimming and slowing down, alot compared to them. The "Giant Baby"--you had an eleven pound baby, HBAC (homeBirthAfterCesarean)--was turning into our little itty bitty and showed no signs whatsoever of being the extraordinarily fat roly-poly that Greta and Mickey were. Mickey was so fat he couldnt hardly move--he had SIX "links" on his little arms, and couldnt fit into anything that was the appropriate length for him. Casey by age 9 months was our first baby who could actually wear the size of clothes that corresponded to his age--in fact, he wore size 4 diapers and size 9-12 months clothes from age 3 months until he was one year old! I think that is bizarre.
Casey could pull up and stand at age 8 months, and was our only baby to walk anywhere even close to one year--in fact it was on his eleven month birthday that he took a few steps. (Greta, Mickey and Charlie were all 14 to 15 months old when they walked)
He didnt care too much for the things that his siblings were into at the various ages, he didnt want to cuddle in for a nice storybook, thats for darn sure! He would crawl/walk/run up to anyone who was trying to read a story and smack the book out of their hands, or rip the pages, or throw it--he loved to throw stuff--including food. Wait, dont those food-throwing kids have those bad parents? Hmmm we were starting to see dear baby Casey as a study in humility, and we found ourselves much less judgemental of other families as he plowed through one naughty/frustrating behavior after the next, us wiping and scrubbing and locking and "putting up" more and more things each day...bookshelves were moved to the KITCHEN, baby gates were stacked double, our TV/vcr/dvd/video game/stereo system were all up on a dresser now, the futon was turned backwards so he wouldn't unzip the mattress cover and climb inside and rip the foam...I would make the morning ritual-rounds before we got him out of his crib or high chair of laying down all the dining room chairs (he loved to tip them over and try to kill himself) and putting the piano bench in the laundry room (he climbed in onto the piano), I would have to do and buy so many things just to keep him vaguely safe--phew this kid was intense!
Speaking of high chairs, I am a huge proponent of them. I find families whose toddlers tot all around at mealtime ridiculous, and we keep our children in a nice safe secure high chair of some sort until they are 5 or 6 years old. They paint, eat, work, read, draw, lego, play-doh, you name it in there, but good ole Casey, well, he would shimmy right up and out and onto the table by the time you went and fulfilled some other little angel's request for "more juice". We bought a deep clip-on chair with a five point harness system. Wild kids get expensive! It helped alot, but he quickly learned that he could buck and buck and shake the entire table, which made Greta and Mickey scream, which made Casey quite thrilled. Arggggg.
Ok, so, those of you with more than one child, you know that age when the new baby starts to mess with the older child's creations? Block towers, special race tracks, little works of art that used to be perfectly safe right there on the coffee table or floor now are in peril?--ok well Casey didnt just accidentally bump anyone's lovingly constructed little tower, he sought out and destroyed. (Greta by age going-on-seven could deal with this, but Mickey at 3 1/2 would lose it completely. This, by the way, was around when Mickey started to be not a very nice brother to baby Casey, and this is something that we are still working on to this very day. In Mickey's defense, Casey was an EXTREMELY destructive baby and toddler, but I still think there needs to be a whole lot more I-Love-You-Because-You-Are-My-Brother.) Casey wrecked everything he could, with the thrill of wrecking seeming to be his true intent--and thats what really bothered all of us. He didnt want your blocks, he wanted to wreck your tower. : (
I started to "gather" stories from as many people as I could find willing to give me any in regards to "Wild" kids. I loved the stories about so-and-so's Uncle Billy was a climber, or so-and-so's little brother drove poor Mom batty..and now he is a doctor/lawyer/astronaut/philanthropist/so-don't-worry-too-much. I tried and tried to find anyone who would tell me that the Wild Child in their particular family was now in prison, but, in the sample surveyed, nobody had anything really long-term-negative to tell me except good luck and bless your heart and things of this nature.
Casey's first birthday came and it was an extremely emotional and meaningful event for me, as it symbolized the now-mythically-important-in-scope victorious HomeBirth. His cake had a little house on it, and even though not a single one of the guests even commented on my house-cake, Steve and Greta knew, and it was a very wonderful day.
By that fall and then Christmas, the 16 month old Casey was an actual lunatic. He was SO WILD, it was like nothing I had ever seen or known. In a lifetime of babysitting and working in the church nursery, and at a daycare center and nursery school, I had little to no experience of a child like this. He was completely merry, but just--wild. We had to do this huge thing to our Christmas tree and put it in a very odd place in our house, behind (yet another expensive) a double wide baby gate just to even have a tree that year. (some well meaning relative suggested that we don't do a tree that year but i mean, come on, a seven and a four year old with no tree? How much more into the magic years of xmas can you get? No way we weren't having a tree...but it did suck how much effort was involved in such a heretofore normal event). So little flip-flop-somersault-tazmanian devil baby continued to live his life as an acrobatic hooligan and we tried to keep up as best we could.
Casey did like stroller rides, surprisingly, and that fall I got really into some serious walking-for-exercise-and-weight-loss. I would take him every time and this was a great time for him to be still. Ironically, I had to be in motion for him to be still but hey who cares, right? Our old neighborhood was less than perfect, but it was sure nice for long walks, and we were up to 3 miles in no time. I was feeling sassy and healthy in my new found weight loss, and just like I was at the tip of the iceberg with "getting it back together" when....
at 17 months old I found out I was pregnant.
No matter what people have concocted along the way to appease themselves or to "make sense of" my life, this news was truly shocking. I wont go into too great of detail here as this is not my Breast and Belly blog, but lets just say that everything they ever told you about fertility charting just DOES NOT APPLY when you are breastfeeding. Your hormones are still too funky, your prolactin levels are too unpredictable, and what looks like it is one thing might not really be and boom the system that you used your whole life now just got you a surprise baby spaced WAY too close for comfort...here we go again!!!!!!
BEING PREGNANT WHILE TAKING CARE OF A ONE YEAR OLD IS A NIGHTMARE.
BEING PREGNANT WHILE BABYSITTING IS A NIGHTMARE.
BEING PREGNANT WHILE HOMESCHOOLING, BABYSITTING, AND TAKING CARE OF A ONE YEAR OLD CASEY WAS A VORTEX FROM HELL'S BOWELS.
Holy #$%&*&%$# was I sick. Sick sick sick sick sick. Hospitalized for hyperemesis twice. Still nursing, still night nursing.....oh that was a long, long pregnancy.
That was a hard, hard pregnancy and the fun-stroller-walking-Mommy who was kind of, kind of keeping up with little Wild Casey was now just a vomiting zombie on the couch, which did not go over so well. I did alot of yelling. Alot of driving around just to get to sit in a chair (now I know this is an extremely common Mama's secret activity but at the time I thought I was horrible, of course) and, well, I think it was really hard on Casey and all of us. The vibe became "Casey is Bad" and Greta and Mickey picked up on it. What was "Wow he is so active!" became "Wow he is so horrible!"....I dont know how much of this Casey absorbed, but he did absorb it, and worsely, Greta and Mickey did, too. It was hard. It was all of 2005, truly, as I got pregnant in January and had the new baby November 1st, it was all of 2005 for all intents and purposes.
Casey did not take too well to his new brother. I knew he wouldn't. He was still nursing frequently when I had an unexpected c-section and was gone for six days. He barely even understood that I was pregnant, let alone going to be gone for six days and then returned completely decimated with some random new brother at his nursies...dont climb on mama, she has a boo-boo tummy...When I came home I was beginning the darkest days of my life, and my little Casey was just about as haunted as I was. I scarcely remember anything from that time, but I would wince and hope that Steve could somehow hold us all together without being too mean to Casey, as tall of an order as that was at the time. Like I said, those were the absolute most heartbreaking, harrowing, scary, lonely (!!!!), Earth shattering soul shattering blackest days I have ever known, so dark and so searingly disappointed and shocked I was, we all were, at the events around us, that I with my awesome memory can barely, barely tell you one thing from November or December 2005, and I can cry anytime, anywhere just thinking about that period. Shudder. NOT a cool time to be 2 years old.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The tornado is giving way to a breeze
Hello! I haven't written the play by plays that I so wanted to because of sheer exhaustion! Who KNEW putting three kids in school would be such WORK???? Wasnt a sizeable component of this supossed to be "Cause Mama needs a break?" ....LOL
I am not sure where to start and waiting for my brain to feel crisp enough for a well thought out essay might not happen so here are some updates, if you will.
Casey. He absolutely LOVES Kindergarten. He cried that there was no school on Saturday. I am wondering what is it that is so up his alley, and I would say that it is the whole idea that he gets to wake up extremely early, immediately get dressed, get food shoved at him, and rush out the door to go have a big busy day! Woo hoo! Go gO go!!! Circle time! Song time! Snacky time! Gym class! Music time! Recess!!! Art!! Show and tell! go go go!!!! Line up! Get your backpacks! Mama is here!! Woo woo go go go !!!!!!
It is really right up his alley. I was worried that he might be wild and wiggly and disruptive and maybe even "bad", but so far no reports from anyone, and he seems really happy. Not tired, not overwhelmed, not sad. Cool!
In school, for the most part, what I have seen and heard and studied and taken in, is that their ideal scenario, as narrow and improbable as it might be, is that the child who enters kindergarten cannot read, and by first grade they can. So, I am going to teach Casey to read this year. Greta and Mickey could read by now, but I am glad Casey cant yet or else little worksheets about "The letter B" would be extremely insulting. It is presumptuous to assume I will be able to teach him to read, but it is the plan.
Mickey is in 3rd grade. I had worries about him that all got resolved yesterday, when, after I emailed her, his teacher called me on the phone after school. she was SO cool! She really loves the kids and cares so much about them! I was thoroughly impressed. She had so much insight into Mickeys personality already and had such positive ways of saying everything--she told me so much stuff that he wouldnt--8 year old boys! sheesh!---that he has tons of friends, that he is quiet and good in class (!!!!!) and that he is fitting right in. She had no idea that he was homeschooled (in all the correspondence I got into with the school regarding putting Greta into 5th grade instead of 6th, I sort of forgot about Mickey--meaning didnt warn anyone that this was his true first day of school!) and was amazed at how confidently he fit right in to all of the strange things they do in school. Lines, tests, bells, raising your hand, filling out a planner, hall passes, lunchroom, recess, all of it, she said he is just a wonderful friendly polite boy. (mother's heart beaming with relief and pride....)
Greta is in 5th grade and tells me LOTS about school. Follows me around the entire afternoon and evening telling me stuff. I am so grateful for this even if it is intense and even if she gets super mad when we are "interrupted" which is every 30 seconds. Her teacher is cool (and so beautiful!! hee hee) and the kids are nice-- well the boys are, she is much better friends with the boys, but let me know that the "reason the girls are so babyish and into ponies and hanna montana and stuff is not their fault, it is very common, Mom, its the media and it is their parents"............LOL Greta is great.
They are learning such impressive stuff, too--government and choir and social studies and lots of math. Math Math Math. but we have a new wonderful deal: She does it with Daddy, period. Those two can do math without getting emotional, whereas her and I cannot. I wish he would have been the math guy all these years! I would honestly say that in the past WEEK, she has gone from about a 3rd grade math level to right up to speed with the class. For real.
So, the kids are really doing well. But now for the hard stuff: can I just say HOLY CRAP THIS IS SO MUCH WORK FOR ME AND STEVE!!!!!
Ok, so the mornings, despite laying out EVERYTHING the night before, and i mean down to the entire breakfast table being set, are STRESSFUL! Yes we have a chart and yes we get them up early enough but DUDE. It is intense.
SO we all walk to school, bye bye.
Then me and Charlie and Eska go home, which has been nice. We are trying to relax, but there have been events almost everyday that prevent true mama-babies' hibernation. Phone calls to insurance, visiting, etc. But mostly it is cozy and gentle. I have had some flashbacks to back when i had just a tot and a baby, in 2000, and it was making me really sad, but now I am doing better with that, too. I have had some grieving process stuff for the life which I imagined when I was 25 and the life I have now, but I am quickly (at least today) getting really ok with what we have now and looking forward to the future, etc.
i have had to push Charlie's naps up to noon instead of 2pm, so we can be back at school by 3, but that has been pretty cool, too. it goes so fast.
I would like to take the babies to some cute stuff soon, library, play dates, park, but I also need to rest, ALOT, so so far we are just staying in. We did walk a far way to school yesterday and it was cool to find myself really looking at the trees in the neighborhood (I am obsessed with tree identification!) and loving the cooler weather and the new found mobility! (I was 37 weeks pregnant when we moved here, and then had the surgery, so I am just now getting out and about on foot and seeing the sights you miss in a car--the dogs, the birds, the trees!)
Yesterday I was a very good and darling housewife. I prepped the whole dinner during naptime and had laundry going the whole day. Before I loaded up my "red Cadillac" (the double stroller) I layed out healthy snacks and four drinks---the kids came home to a nice tidy house and we immediately did our Mama-Kid "conferences" on my big bed-- first Casey. Come in on my bed and tell me about your day. Show me your homework. Whats in your backpack. Ok go play!
Then Mickey's turn...show me your stuff, show me your last nights' homework, do I need to sign anything, how are your friends, how was gym, how was your lunch, tell me stuff!
Then Greta's turn. She's got the best truthful stories about the weird kids and the strange kids, the nice kids, the evil kids, and her take on the curriculum is amazing. She is about as mature as I was when I was about 29. Swear to God. She is taking to this new intense rigorous stuff so well, and so far seems so free of the self-doubt and insecurities that absolutely plagued my school years, even if/when I was popular, I would say about 99% of my energies went into what the others were thinking of me...she just really couldn't care less. What a gift!
So far it is a fabulous school and my kids have impressed me immensely. I am adjusting to this new lifestyle bit by bit, and each day seems to have the potential to be a little less dominated by sadness, regret, grief and remorse and more filled with the quiet and simple enjoyment of Charlie and Eska, and some nice housewifey stuff like cutting vegetables and washing dishes and opening mail right when it arrives. So far everything is pretty cool. I miss my fantasy-life, if that makes any sense whatsoever, but I do NOT miss my chaotic screaming fighting horrible life that was August.
More soon...
I am not sure where to start and waiting for my brain to feel crisp enough for a well thought out essay might not happen so here are some updates, if you will.
Casey. He absolutely LOVES Kindergarten. He cried that there was no school on Saturday. I am wondering what is it that is so up his alley, and I would say that it is the whole idea that he gets to wake up extremely early, immediately get dressed, get food shoved at him, and rush out the door to go have a big busy day! Woo hoo! Go gO go!!! Circle time! Song time! Snacky time! Gym class! Music time! Recess!!! Art!! Show and tell! go go go!!!! Line up! Get your backpacks! Mama is here!! Woo woo go go go !!!!!!
It is really right up his alley. I was worried that he might be wild and wiggly and disruptive and maybe even "bad", but so far no reports from anyone, and he seems really happy. Not tired, not overwhelmed, not sad. Cool!
In school, for the most part, what I have seen and heard and studied and taken in, is that their ideal scenario, as narrow and improbable as it might be, is that the child who enters kindergarten cannot read, and by first grade they can. So, I am going to teach Casey to read this year. Greta and Mickey could read by now, but I am glad Casey cant yet or else little worksheets about "The letter B" would be extremely insulting. It is presumptuous to assume I will be able to teach him to read, but it is the plan.
Mickey is in 3rd grade. I had worries about him that all got resolved yesterday, when, after I emailed her, his teacher called me on the phone after school. she was SO cool! She really loves the kids and cares so much about them! I was thoroughly impressed. She had so much insight into Mickeys personality already and had such positive ways of saying everything--she told me so much stuff that he wouldnt--8 year old boys! sheesh!---that he has tons of friends, that he is quiet and good in class (!!!!!) and that he is fitting right in. She had no idea that he was homeschooled (in all the correspondence I got into with the school regarding putting Greta into 5th grade instead of 6th, I sort of forgot about Mickey--meaning didnt warn anyone that this was his true first day of school!) and was amazed at how confidently he fit right in to all of the strange things they do in school. Lines, tests, bells, raising your hand, filling out a planner, hall passes, lunchroom, recess, all of it, she said he is just a wonderful friendly polite boy. (mother's heart beaming with relief and pride....)
Greta is in 5th grade and tells me LOTS about school. Follows me around the entire afternoon and evening telling me stuff. I am so grateful for this even if it is intense and even if she gets super mad when we are "interrupted" which is every 30 seconds. Her teacher is cool (and so beautiful!! hee hee) and the kids are nice-- well the boys are, she is much better friends with the boys, but let me know that the "reason the girls are so babyish and into ponies and hanna montana and stuff is not their fault, it is very common, Mom, its the media and it is their parents"............LOL Greta is great.
They are learning such impressive stuff, too--government and choir and social studies and lots of math. Math Math Math. but we have a new wonderful deal: She does it with Daddy, period. Those two can do math without getting emotional, whereas her and I cannot. I wish he would have been the math guy all these years! I would honestly say that in the past WEEK, she has gone from about a 3rd grade math level to right up to speed with the class. For real.
So, the kids are really doing well. But now for the hard stuff: can I just say HOLY CRAP THIS IS SO MUCH WORK FOR ME AND STEVE!!!!!
Ok, so the mornings, despite laying out EVERYTHING the night before, and i mean down to the entire breakfast table being set, are STRESSFUL! Yes we have a chart and yes we get them up early enough but DUDE. It is intense.
SO we all walk to school, bye bye.
Then me and Charlie and Eska go home, which has been nice. We are trying to relax, but there have been events almost everyday that prevent true mama-babies' hibernation. Phone calls to insurance, visiting, etc. But mostly it is cozy and gentle. I have had some flashbacks to back when i had just a tot and a baby, in 2000, and it was making me really sad, but now I am doing better with that, too. I have had some grieving process stuff for the life which I imagined when I was 25 and the life I have now, but I am quickly (at least today) getting really ok with what we have now and looking forward to the future, etc.
i have had to push Charlie's naps up to noon instead of 2pm, so we can be back at school by 3, but that has been pretty cool, too. it goes so fast.
I would like to take the babies to some cute stuff soon, library, play dates, park, but I also need to rest, ALOT, so so far we are just staying in. We did walk a far way to school yesterday and it was cool to find myself really looking at the trees in the neighborhood (I am obsessed with tree identification!) and loving the cooler weather and the new found mobility! (I was 37 weeks pregnant when we moved here, and then had the surgery, so I am just now getting out and about on foot and seeing the sights you miss in a car--the dogs, the birds, the trees!)
Yesterday I was a very good and darling housewife. I prepped the whole dinner during naptime and had laundry going the whole day. Before I loaded up my "red Cadillac" (the double stroller) I layed out healthy snacks and four drinks---the kids came home to a nice tidy house and we immediately did our Mama-Kid "conferences" on my big bed-- first Casey. Come in on my bed and tell me about your day. Show me your homework. Whats in your backpack. Ok go play!
Then Mickey's turn...show me your stuff, show me your last nights' homework, do I need to sign anything, how are your friends, how was gym, how was your lunch, tell me stuff!
Then Greta's turn. She's got the best truthful stories about the weird kids and the strange kids, the nice kids, the evil kids, and her take on the curriculum is amazing. She is about as mature as I was when I was about 29. Swear to God. She is taking to this new intense rigorous stuff so well, and so far seems so free of the self-doubt and insecurities that absolutely plagued my school years, even if/when I was popular, I would say about 99% of my energies went into what the others were thinking of me...she just really couldn't care less. What a gift!
So far it is a fabulous school and my kids have impressed me immensely. I am adjusting to this new lifestyle bit by bit, and each day seems to have the potential to be a little less dominated by sadness, regret, grief and remorse and more filled with the quiet and simple enjoyment of Charlie and Eska, and some nice housewifey stuff like cutting vegetables and washing dishes and opening mail right when it arrives. So far everything is pretty cool. I miss my fantasy-life, if that makes any sense whatsoever, but I do NOT miss my chaotic screaming fighting horrible life that was August.
More soon...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
They liked it! And I am still a mother! : )
Hi all.
the kids had a blast today on their first day of school. A genuine blast. They loved their teachers, they had so much fun, they were super happy to see me and the little ones, and they had cool stuff in their new backpacks. It was only a 1/2 day, so it was a cool "trial run", but they honestly had a really good time.
Steve and I overshot it on getting ready...we were all bored and ready about 45 minutes before we had to be : ) but it was fine.
As I walked home with Charlie and Eska, it was odd. I didnt really know what to think. I was trying to re-imagine back in the day when Greta and Mickey were all I had, but that made me feel really sad/nostalgic, so I just decided to not do much of anything. We played with tangrams a little, I nursed the baby alot, we made a batch of cookies, (pre-made dough, don't get too impressed!) and then we went back to pick up the kids at 11:20. Being in different grades, they all had different entry/exit doors, but we all found each other and it was all good. They were super super happy and excited and we got home to our lunch and our air conditioning (It was 90 today!)
One sucky thing: while waiting for Casey to come out, I was holding the baby and I stepped backwards and there was nothing there, and I fell hard onto the parking blocks/concrete. (I took a hard fall about 5 weeks ago and injured my shoulder and knee so this was a scary flashback...I was holding the baby that time, too!)
I screamed, someone took the baby, I got up, and I acted like I was fine, but my right ankle turned badly and my knees both bled through my jeans as well as my elbow : (
I was very excited to turn the twice daily walk to school into some exercises and now cant even bear weight on my right foot. Twinkle toes, hmm? When you are six foot one and have no core muscles whatsoever, I guess that makes you an instable structure, huh? I feel like one and worry alot. I am so glad the baby is fine, again, but I wish I could take her to a chiropractor, taking such hard falls cant be cool.
Tomorrow is their first full day and I realized very much that I am still a mother. Might sound silly but I felt like 'I was giving my children up for adoption or they were moving out or something. Truly. but here we are, fighting over video game controllers and begging for juice boxes, same as ever, and I feel very very glad.
the kids had a blast today on their first day of school. A genuine blast. They loved their teachers, they had so much fun, they were super happy to see me and the little ones, and they had cool stuff in their new backpacks. It was only a 1/2 day, so it was a cool "trial run", but they honestly had a really good time.
Steve and I overshot it on getting ready...we were all bored and ready about 45 minutes before we had to be : ) but it was fine.
As I walked home with Charlie and Eska, it was odd. I didnt really know what to think. I was trying to re-imagine back in the day when Greta and Mickey were all I had, but that made me feel really sad/nostalgic, so I just decided to not do much of anything. We played with tangrams a little, I nursed the baby alot, we made a batch of cookies, (pre-made dough, don't get too impressed!) and then we went back to pick up the kids at 11:20. Being in different grades, they all had different entry/exit doors, but we all found each other and it was all good. They were super super happy and excited and we got home to our lunch and our air conditioning (It was 90 today!)
One sucky thing: while waiting for Casey to come out, I was holding the baby and I stepped backwards and there was nothing there, and I fell hard onto the parking blocks/concrete. (I took a hard fall about 5 weeks ago and injured my shoulder and knee so this was a scary flashback...I was holding the baby that time, too!)
I screamed, someone took the baby, I got up, and I acted like I was fine, but my right ankle turned badly and my knees both bled through my jeans as well as my elbow : (
I was very excited to turn the twice daily walk to school into some exercises and now cant even bear weight on my right foot. Twinkle toes, hmm? When you are six foot one and have no core muscles whatsoever, I guess that makes you an instable structure, huh? I feel like one and worry alot. I am so glad the baby is fine, again, but I wish I could take her to a chiropractor, taking such hard falls cant be cool.
Tomorrow is their first full day and I realized very much that I am still a mother. Might sound silly but I felt like 'I was giving my children up for adoption or they were moving out or something. Truly. but here we are, fighting over video game controllers and begging for juice boxes, same as ever, and I feel very very glad.
Friday, August 29, 2008
calmer...
I am so sorry...I really could have offended SO many people with that last post. But I am not taking it down, it is important to me and maybe some of you, to chronicle the emotions involved in my life.
People whose children go to school are not being sold, and the purpose of our family doing school is not to have a clean house. I think the kids will learn more at school this year, and I think that we have moved to a neighborhood where we feel ok with the school district, even though we do not believe that age-segregated mass "learning" or teaching to the standardized tests reallyhave much value in human life, the kids will most likely have an interesting time, and it might be great and it might not and this is what we are doing.
I can be comedic, extreme, etc, and this is the side of me that got me all the readers in the first place. I never want to deliberatly offend anyone though, so I am sorry if I upset anyone.
People whose children go to school are not being sold, and the purpose of our family doing school is not to have a clean house. I think the kids will learn more at school this year, and I think that we have moved to a neighborhood where we feel ok with the school district, even though we do not believe that age-segregated mass "learning" or teaching to the standardized tests reallyhave much value in human life, the kids will most likely have an interesting time, and it might be great and it might not and this is what we are doing.
I can be comedic, extreme, etc, and this is the side of me that got me all the readers in the first place. I never want to deliberatly offend anyone though, so I am sorry if I upset anyone.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
blablabla sell your children for that lemony shine
So, just who I am anymore? Who are we? I am so numb with exhaustion and defeat and shame and confusion about this getting ready for school stuff, I cant speak about it. There's the folks who are a little too excited about this, if you catch my drift, whom I cant talk to at all about my sadness and fears and complete loss of identity because they are so enmeshed in this being so wonderful and them never having bothered to get to know me or be a part of our lives when we were a wonderful happy homeschooling family, therefore will not and cannot and do not get what I am so upset about....then theres my homeschooling friends who, come on, are gonna think "well you dont have to do this", naturally....so I can gripe to them, but they are right, except, I do have to do this, because we arent a happy homeschooling family anymore, we are a jumbled nightmare of fighting and screeching and idiotic behaviors...exceot it isnt turly "we", it is Casey.
So I "reached out" today, at the doctor, and practically begged for help with him, and was totally blown off. If they only knew what a huge thing that was for me to do, maybe , oh I dont know. Myu principles, ym pride, my beliefes, my dreams, my plans, all gone gone gone, and I stand naked before these Big Important Institutions, I come to them and hand them my children, and then, what? What am I in for?
The loss of my family and life as I know it is --just--indescribable.
So I wait. And I go get my little kids pumped full of vaccinations, and I buy them liscenced products, and I smile and nod along to all the people who tell me how wonderful it is going to be, and how --I truly have no idea--clean my floors will be or something, home for 7 hours a day with *only* a 2 year old and a newborn.
Maybe I will "succeed" at floors. Maybe this is where I am now. A Floor-Wiper.
I just wish there was one person in this world who not only knows what a great and wonderful mother I used to be, but who knows what I dreamed of, what I was doing, where I was headed with these precious kids, just not so long ago, and then and maybe only then, will the pain I am in be slightly slightly slightly able to be understood.
No, this isnt about me, it is about the kids. An education, and all that stuff. Yeah yeah yeah. I am joining in the mass delusion that we give birth to hand the offspring over to the machine, so it can crank out good workers. Yeah yeah, pledge allegiance, yeah yeah, 50 th percentile, 50 th percentile, rah rah sis boom bah, oh how my floors will shine.
but somehow, some way, this nightmare will end. I will raise my children in the good and right way, the way that I know to be right, the way that me and my husband believe in, and the way that will nourish their spirits and help them grown to be themselves and to be whole and sound. Waldorf, log cabins, nature study, literature, God help us all , public school!!!!!and I hope that the incredible amount of running around I have had to do, the hours in the plastic car seat my newborn baby has had to endure, all in the name of getting the children ALL SIGNED UP (big harsh grin) is somehow worth it.
I am trying to tell myself that it takes a village to raise a child and that since my children literally have no outside support or help, that maybe this is what The Jonses Do and that it will be so cool. But as of now, I am just utterly mortified.
they start Tuesday the 2nd.
I have failed. This was never suppossed to happen. i hope i can use this year to completly revolutionize myself. i dont know what else to say. My homeschhol is a failure, that is what this is about. Every book on my bookshelf mocks me, breaks my heart. The emails from 2 counties' homeschool lists, the catalogs, the posters, our little cupboard that says "French", "History", "Music" on it....Do i sell them all for spongebob fruit roll ups' money, or do i hang in there? DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYONE WHO SENT THE KIDS FOR A YEAR, MADE THE BEST OF IT, AND THEN STARTED FRESH?
So I "reached out" today, at the doctor, and practically begged for help with him, and was totally blown off. If they only knew what a huge thing that was for me to do, maybe , oh I dont know. Myu principles, ym pride, my beliefes, my dreams, my plans, all gone gone gone, and I stand naked before these Big Important Institutions, I come to them and hand them my children, and then, what? What am I in for?
The loss of my family and life as I know it is --just--indescribable.
So I wait. And I go get my little kids pumped full of vaccinations, and I buy them liscenced products, and I smile and nod along to all the people who tell me how wonderful it is going to be, and how --I truly have no idea--clean my floors will be or something, home for 7 hours a day with *only* a 2 year old and a newborn.
Maybe I will "succeed" at floors. Maybe this is where I am now. A Floor-Wiper.
I just wish there was one person in this world who not only knows what a great and wonderful mother I used to be, but who knows what I dreamed of, what I was doing, where I was headed with these precious kids, just not so long ago, and then and maybe only then, will the pain I am in be slightly slightly slightly able to be understood.
No, this isnt about me, it is about the kids. An education, and all that stuff. Yeah yeah yeah. I am joining in the mass delusion that we give birth to hand the offspring over to the machine, so it can crank out good workers. Yeah yeah, pledge allegiance, yeah yeah, 50 th percentile, 50 th percentile, rah rah sis boom bah, oh how my floors will shine.
but somehow, some way, this nightmare will end. I will raise my children in the good and right way, the way that I know to be right, the way that me and my husband believe in, and the way that will nourish their spirits and help them grown to be themselves and to be whole and sound. Waldorf, log cabins, nature study, literature, God help us all , public school!!!!!and I hope that the incredible amount of running around I have had to do, the hours in the plastic car seat my newborn baby has had to endure, all in the name of getting the children ALL SIGNED UP (big harsh grin) is somehow worth it.
I am trying to tell myself that it takes a village to raise a child and that since my children literally have no outside support or help, that maybe this is what The Jonses Do and that it will be so cool. But as of now, I am just utterly mortified.
they start Tuesday the 2nd.
I have failed. This was never suppossed to happen. i hope i can use this year to completly revolutionize myself. i dont know what else to say. My homeschhol is a failure, that is what this is about. Every book on my bookshelf mocks me, breaks my heart. The emails from 2 counties' homeschool lists, the catalogs, the posters, our little cupboard that says "French", "History", "Music" on it....Do i sell them all for spongebob fruit roll ups' money, or do i hang in there? DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYONE WHO SENT THE KIDS FOR A YEAR, MADE THE BEST OF IT, AND THEN STARTED FRESH?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Maybe I could Homeschool IF...: )
Some of the amenities that the schoolteachers have sound mighty scrumptious to me. Let me give you an example or two! Please enjoy this silly little passage and know that I know how hard teachers really work, etc.
Maybe I could homeschool IF:
The kids all showed up at 8 am, already fed, already dressed, some other poor soul left to deal with puddles of maple syrup, dripping milk, bubbly toothbrushes, little mixed up socks, and a tipped-over shoe basket.
There was a lunchtime, and it didn't involve me whatsoever, some other poor soul left to deal with food allergies, picky eaters, ketchup blobs, cut off my crusts, scooby-doo macaroni in the treads of their shoes.
Nobody would call me at my "job", no pals no solicitors no disgruntled family members...nor would I be expected to pay bills, call the electric company, fix the television, wipe someone's bottom, or change one single diaper. That's what my assistant would be for.
All the little darlings would leave at 3pm. No need to describe that one. Bye!!!! See ya next time!!
And then, what I really really love to envision: My Own Lesson Planning Quiet Time. Ahhhh, yes, the quiet sunny empty classroom, my desk, my chair, my respected and real alone-time, and not at 11pm with a baby hanging off my breast, but right there, at 3pm.
(Janitor cleans the schoolroom. Lets not forget that one.)
: P
Maybe I could homeschool IF:
The kids all showed up at 8 am, already fed, already dressed, some other poor soul left to deal with puddles of maple syrup, dripping milk, bubbly toothbrushes, little mixed up socks, and a tipped-over shoe basket.
There was a lunchtime, and it didn't involve me whatsoever, some other poor soul left to deal with food allergies, picky eaters, ketchup blobs, cut off my crusts, scooby-doo macaroni in the treads of their shoes.
Nobody would call me at my "job", no pals no solicitors no disgruntled family members...nor would I be expected to pay bills, call the electric company, fix the television, wipe someone's bottom, or change one single diaper. That's what my assistant would be for.
All the little darlings would leave at 3pm. No need to describe that one. Bye!!!! See ya next time!!
And then, what I really really love to envision: My Own Lesson Planning Quiet Time. Ahhhh, yes, the quiet sunny empty classroom, my desk, my chair, my respected and real alone-time, and not at 11pm with a baby hanging off my breast, but right there, at 3pm.
(Janitor cleans the schoolroom. Lets not forget that one.)
: P
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
My children are going to public school this year.
Well, if I keep waiting for the perfect time-slot to write a perfectly penned essay about this, it just isn't ever going to happen: so here goes:
Greta, Mickey, and Casey are going to elementary school this fall-- in a few weeks, as a matter of fact! What changes have occurred in this household, such a whirlwind.
Like I said, I will have time when I have time, lots of poignant thoughts and theories, I hope, but here are some facts to get us started:
We moved to a new town June 1st, and all I knew was that it was going to save us money to get into a smaller more energy efficient place, and that the new house was "cute". I had no idea, no concept that this was going to be some wonderful, close-knit neighborhood, truly 1951, where everyone knows everyone and they all watch out for each other's kids and are all involved to the hilt in the community, the neighborhood and the schools. We had a block party, I sit out on the front step and wave, wave, wave to all the people, and the kids! There are just gaggles of them, mostly boys, last count there were THIRTEEN little boys on OUR BLOCK, a couple of girls too across the street and behind our house, but the kids made such good friends with these children all right under our noses. While I was 9 months pregnant and truly bed-ridden, they were playing with all these children-- an entirely new thing for us, to have kids to just casually hang out with without some big formal PLAY-DATE...we just never lived by any kids! So it was soon "Can I go over so and so's house? Can so and so come in our yard? Can I go around the block?"
All this normal childhood stuff, it was all new to us. So naturally, the conversations of schooled-children that are very focused on What Grade Are You In/How Old Are You/What School Do You Guys Go To was omnipresent. It turns out all of the kids go to the nearby school--VERY nearby. as in 2 blocks away. So Steve and I started talking.....and well, we talked and talked and obsessed and cried and worried and soul searched and obsessed and talked some more. But we never talked to the kids-- we wanted to "present a unified front" or something. But then last week it just came up by itself, and it turns out that Greta wanted to go to this new neighborhood's school but was under the impression that I would "be sad" (!!!!!) And when I presented the idea to Mickey, it only took a minute of looking at the website of the school for him to say yes he wants to go and that he was "gonna get straight A's!" so cute.
At first this all started with Casey. He is so "ACTIVE"....that literally he had to go somewhere. Somewhere. Breaking stuff, running away, screaming, hiding, lying, it was him and him alone that were going to "let" try school for a year. I thought he would go to either morning or afternoon Kindergarten and I could teach the others then. But now that they all are going, I must say, WOOHOO!
This is all new to us. Only Greta has gone to school before, she attended nursery school, one of those drop them off and turn right around and pick them up types of deals, a couple mornings a week. It was cute and she liked it. I always have approved of nursery school, if a family has the luxury of it being just for fun and not for needed Childcare, it can be precious! the little songs, the little chairs, the camaraderie-- very sweet. It was school proper that I had and have huge reservations about, and still do.
So....why? Why now? What is this about? Defeat? Failure? Quitting? New Baby? Toddlers on crack and Mama a near-dead dishrag not capable of "teaching" anyone anything except how to swear and how to look 10 years older each morning? Exciting new adventure? New chapter in our lives? The Time Is Right? A terrible deconstruction and collapse of everything we believe in due to post partum depression and non-existent recovery from my c section of EIGHT weeks ago? No no yes yes who knows....but they are excited and I always said that we would "reassess each fall to see if this was still right for us" (Homeschooling) and this year no it isn't.
Oh, its all of that and more-- but the mood is excitement, and the luxury of not having to do this is palpable. I am still a stay at home Mom. I still have a 2 year old and a 8 week old, a household to manage and kids who will be home at 3. I don't see any Bon-Bons or hours of TiVo'ed Oprah in my near future. but it IS weird! Oh god this is weird.
So here are some background tidbits:
My mother in law cleans the home of a counselor at the school and i am supposed to call her and she will "make sure my kids are okay". Cool! I have lots of questions for her.
We are putting Greta in 5th grade, which she is totally ok with. She technically should be going into 6th grade, but we have been reassured that there are plenty of kids in 5th grade who will be 11 years old and quite a few folks have told us that this is a great decision. We didn't want her going from home directly into Middle School, if you don't understand why, maybe your middle school was different than mine was, but um, it isn't elementary school, that's for sure. From the academic standpoint to the social ones, she isn't ready for that and she knows it and we know it and so all three children will be going to the little elementary school right around the corner, together, for one year.
Mickey is going into 3rd and Casey is going into Kindergarten. I found out that they only have full day Kindergarten now and I was quite disappointed, I think that is "alot" for a little one, and yet...after lunch it is rest time and then before you know it they are home. And if any kid could handle it, its Casey. So they will all be gone, from 8ish to 3ish.
I am going to have a super duper snack ready for them when they get home, and will help them with all of their homework, I will walk them there and pick them up whenever it is decent weather or they don't want me to, maybe Ill be on the PTA?!
Greta, Mickey, and Casey are going to elementary school this fall-- in a few weeks, as a matter of fact! What changes have occurred in this household, such a whirlwind.
Like I said, I will have time when I have time, lots of poignant thoughts and theories, I hope, but here are some facts to get us started:
We moved to a new town June 1st, and all I knew was that it was going to save us money to get into a smaller more energy efficient place, and that the new house was "cute". I had no idea, no concept that this was going to be some wonderful, close-knit neighborhood, truly 1951, where everyone knows everyone and they all watch out for each other's kids and are all involved to the hilt in the community, the neighborhood and the schools. We had a block party, I sit out on the front step and wave, wave, wave to all the people, and the kids! There are just gaggles of them, mostly boys, last count there were THIRTEEN little boys on OUR BLOCK, a couple of girls too across the street and behind our house, but the kids made such good friends with these children all right under our noses. While I was 9 months pregnant and truly bed-ridden, they were playing with all these children-- an entirely new thing for us, to have kids to just casually hang out with without some big formal PLAY-DATE...we just never lived by any kids! So it was soon "Can I go over so and so's house? Can so and so come in our yard? Can I go around the block?"
All this normal childhood stuff, it was all new to us. So naturally, the conversations of schooled-children that are very focused on What Grade Are You In/How Old Are You/What School Do You Guys Go To was omnipresent. It turns out all of the kids go to the nearby school--VERY nearby. as in 2 blocks away. So Steve and I started talking.....and well, we talked and talked and obsessed and cried and worried and soul searched and obsessed and talked some more. But we never talked to the kids-- we wanted to "present a unified front" or something. But then last week it just came up by itself, and it turns out that Greta wanted to go to this new neighborhood's school but was under the impression that I would "be sad" (!!!!!) And when I presented the idea to Mickey, it only took a minute of looking at the website of the school for him to say yes he wants to go and that he was "gonna get straight A's!" so cute.
At first this all started with Casey. He is so "ACTIVE"....that literally he had to go somewhere. Somewhere. Breaking stuff, running away, screaming, hiding, lying, it was him and him alone that were going to "let" try school for a year. I thought he would go to either morning or afternoon Kindergarten and I could teach the others then. But now that they all are going, I must say, WOOHOO!
This is all new to us. Only Greta has gone to school before, she attended nursery school, one of those drop them off and turn right around and pick them up types of deals, a couple mornings a week. It was cute and she liked it. I always have approved of nursery school, if a family has the luxury of it being just for fun and not for needed Childcare, it can be precious! the little songs, the little chairs, the camaraderie-- very sweet. It was school proper that I had and have huge reservations about, and still do.
So....why? Why now? What is this about? Defeat? Failure? Quitting? New Baby? Toddlers on crack and Mama a near-dead dishrag not capable of "teaching" anyone anything except how to swear and how to look 10 years older each morning? Exciting new adventure? New chapter in our lives? The Time Is Right? A terrible deconstruction and collapse of everything we believe in due to post partum depression and non-existent recovery from my c section of EIGHT weeks ago? No no yes yes who knows....but they are excited and I always said that we would "reassess each fall to see if this was still right for us" (Homeschooling) and this year no it isn't.
Oh, its all of that and more-- but the mood is excitement, and the luxury of not having to do this is palpable. I am still a stay at home Mom. I still have a 2 year old and a 8 week old, a household to manage and kids who will be home at 3. I don't see any Bon-Bons or hours of TiVo'ed Oprah in my near future. but it IS weird! Oh god this is weird.
So here are some background tidbits:
My mother in law cleans the home of a counselor at the school and i am supposed to call her and she will "make sure my kids are okay". Cool! I have lots of questions for her.
We are putting Greta in 5th grade, which she is totally ok with. She technically should be going into 6th grade, but we have been reassured that there are plenty of kids in 5th grade who will be 11 years old and quite a few folks have told us that this is a great decision. We didn't want her going from home directly into Middle School, if you don't understand why, maybe your middle school was different than mine was, but um, it isn't elementary school, that's for sure. From the academic standpoint to the social ones, she isn't ready for that and she knows it and we know it and so all three children will be going to the little elementary school right around the corner, together, for one year.
Mickey is going into 3rd and Casey is going into Kindergarten. I found out that they only have full day Kindergarten now and I was quite disappointed, I think that is "alot" for a little one, and yet...after lunch it is rest time and then before you know it they are home. And if any kid could handle it, its Casey. So they will all be gone, from 8ish to 3ish.
I am going to have a super duper snack ready for them when they get home, and will help them with all of their homework, I will walk them there and pick them up whenever it is decent weather or they don't want me to, maybe Ill be on the PTA?!
My mom helped us a bit with buying them some "School clothes" (ah the zillions of benefits of homeschooling..sigh..) but they still need so much stuff, the supplie list is long and they need check ups and vision tests and lunchboxes and backpacks and shoes and...
For now I am not going to change the name of the blog. I feel that the essence of Homeschooling IS love, and although my love for my children is larger than the universe itself, our household is exhausted, stressed out, chaotic and cross, and I am stepping down from the one thing I feel the strongest about in all of my "causes"-- raising and teaching and learning alongside my little ones. It is humbling and sad but I also have no interest in doing anything else right now--no choice, really--my "tank" is empty, below empty, I am a cardboard facade of a mother and they need projects and field trips and lessons and adventures; so I will try really hard to focus on the fact that I am so so lucky that they are happy about this and that we live in such a nice and sweet little town with such a nice school so close by.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Miss Mason, I didnt forget you,,,well I didnt mean to anyhow!
If anyone still reads this poor dear old beloved thing, let me promise you one thing:
I am still here, we are still going to homeschool, and I have been incredibly fortunate enough to be back on track when i was so lost and so doubt-filled: We are giving Charlotte Mason a try again. but this time, no pregnancies, no babysitting, no bartending, no moving to a new house.
(thank you Kelley XOXOXOXO)
It is July, I am 3 weeks postpartum, and so now I return to Karen Andreola's classic, A Charlotte Mason Companion. Chapter one. Literally touching this book makes me feel good and right and wonderful. Its all lumpy from reading it so many times in the bathtub--LOL makes me love it even more, coffee stains, jelly on it...: )
I dont know if it will ever be possible to explain to you all the void that has been in my life and how much worrying and wondering I have sufferted through once we stopped using this approach to living and learning. It is going to be a long road, especially for the older kids, to reel them back from Cartoon Network and Nintendo back to Nature Notebooks and Poetry, but when our "Big Talks" happen in August, it is going to be made abundantly clear that this is our last year of trying to homeschool or else we will try school. Not as a threat, not as a punishment, not as a failure, but as a simple fact.
These children need consistency and structure and goodness, they deserve it, it is their right, and I am about 95% sure that we can do this. We have moved to a dear and small and simple and cheerful house that is so perfect for the kind of lifestyle we want to live now...it realy helps!
I love them so much and I feel so sure and good in my heart about this. Looking forward....
Mamajoy
I am still here, we are still going to homeschool, and I have been incredibly fortunate enough to be back on track when i was so lost and so doubt-filled: We are giving Charlotte Mason a try again. but this time, no pregnancies, no babysitting, no bartending, no moving to a new house.
(thank you Kelley XOXOXOXO)
It is July, I am 3 weeks postpartum, and so now I return to Karen Andreola's classic, A Charlotte Mason Companion. Chapter one. Literally touching this book makes me feel good and right and wonderful. Its all lumpy from reading it so many times in the bathtub--LOL makes me love it even more, coffee stains, jelly on it...: )
I dont know if it will ever be possible to explain to you all the void that has been in my life and how much worrying and wondering I have sufferted through once we stopped using this approach to living and learning. It is going to be a long road, especially for the older kids, to reel them back from Cartoon Network and Nintendo back to Nature Notebooks and Poetry, but when our "Big Talks" happen in August, it is going to be made abundantly clear that this is our last year of trying to homeschool or else we will try school. Not as a threat, not as a punishment, not as a failure, but as a simple fact.
These children need consistency and structure and goodness, they deserve it, it is their right, and I am about 95% sure that we can do this. We have moved to a dear and small and simple and cheerful house that is so perfect for the kind of lifestyle we want to live now...it realy helps!
I love them so much and I feel so sure and good in my heart about this. Looking forward....
Mamajoy
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