Its the weirdest, neatest, most unexpected thing. even though I am really, REALLY tired from my new job, I am also really, really happy and mellow and a much better mom! even though I basically couldn't move until almost 10 this morning, nobody was fighting, everyone did their morning chores happily (I swear!!!) and there was a good vibe in the home.
I am not all panicky and edgy and freaked out anymore. Isn't that bizarre? Its like, I value my time with them more, I know I get to leave as soon as Steve gets home, so I don't feel all "trapped" or something, I have to get dressed and look cute by 5pm, which I thought would suck, but has been very good for me, and I get to completely escape into a world of adult conversation, but its all still quite wholesome and its not like if I had a job at a "real" bar where I would have to go from mommy and babyland to smokey wasted freaks hitting on me and crude co-workers--these folks where I work are a nice mix of parents and grandparents, men and women, young and old, just there to relax and have a nice time. There is no secret subplot, no seediness, no sleaziness, no creepiness, no one is mad at you, no one is looking to fire you, you don't have to "fake look busy", there is no boss to fear. (Can you tell what kinds of jobs I have had in the past?)
So, even though I am getting home late, and Steve has been fast asleep two out of the three nights I worked so far, it is really neat how good it has been for my spirit.
I don't get paid until Mid-November, so when I see that I am actually getting money from this whole thing, it might really send me over the rainbow, lol ;)
But the kids are liking this new chilled out Mama, and I am, too. I just don't get why I was so edgy and panicked in my own home with my own children everyday, nor do I quite understand why that feeling is completely gone now. But I am really, really glad.
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4 comments:
"I just don't get why I was so edgy and panicked in my own home with my own children everyday, nor do I quite understand why that feeling is completely gone now."
Because as much as I love my children, and no matter how naked I feel (as in EVERYBODY is staring at me, as if I was naked.... look at that HORRIBLE mother, she left her babies at home!) I *need* to take some time for me. Even if it is a couple hours, if it is chores.... I literally NEVER get time alone. I don't bathe, eat, sleep, cook, wash/dry/fold/put away laundry, pee alone.....And I feel horribly guilty when my MIL or SIL ask for te kids for the day, and I leave them...I set outside her house in my van and cry, cry, cry, because I am leaving my babies. They could care less. But when I finally get over myself, I am able to enjoy the last part of my day, and my kids get a refreshed Mama back :) So enjoy your time, and thet them enjoy their relaxed Mama :)
That is SO cool! As long as you're getting enough sleep - this sounds like the perfect blend for your family!
Congrats!
wow, i didn't realize how long it had been since i had been here! congrats on your new adventure:) i was just talking to someone about how some moms thrive while they work.
Really great to read that and I'm so happy it's working out!
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