Greta, Mickey, and Casey are going to elementary school this fall-- in a few weeks, as a matter of fact! What changes have occurred in this household, such a whirlwind.
Like I said, I will have time when I have time, lots of poignant thoughts and theories, I hope, but here are some facts to get us started:
We moved to a new town June 1st, and all I knew was that it was going to save us money to get into a smaller more energy efficient place, and that the new house was "cute". I had no idea, no concept that this was going to be some wonderful, close-knit neighborhood, truly 1951, where everyone knows everyone and they all watch out for each other's kids and are all involved to the hilt in the community, the neighborhood and the schools. We had a block party, I sit out on the front step and wave, wave, wave to all the people, and the kids! There are just gaggles of them, mostly boys, last count there were THIRTEEN little boys on OUR BLOCK, a couple of girls too across the street and behind our house, but the kids made such good friends with these children all right under our noses. While I was 9 months pregnant and truly bed-ridden, they were playing with all these children-- an entirely new thing for us, to have kids to just casually hang out with without some big formal PLAY-DATE...we just never lived by any kids! So it was soon "Can I go over so and so's house? Can so and so come in our yard? Can I go around the block?"
All this normal childhood stuff, it was all new to us. So naturally, the conversations of schooled-children that are very focused on What Grade Are You In/How Old Are You/What School Do You Guys Go To was omnipresent. It turns out all of the kids go to the nearby school--VERY nearby. as in 2 blocks away. So Steve and I started talking.....and well, we talked and talked and obsessed and cried and worried and soul searched and obsessed and talked some more. But we never talked to the kids-- we wanted to "present a unified front" or something. But then last week it just came up by itself, and it turns out that Greta wanted to go to this new neighborhood's school but was under the impression that I would "be sad" (!!!!!) And when I presented the idea to Mickey, it only took a minute of looking at the website of the school for him to say yes he wants to go and that he was "gonna get straight A's!" so cute.
At first this all started with Casey. He is so "ACTIVE"....that literally he had to go somewhere. Somewhere. Breaking stuff, running away, screaming, hiding, lying, it was him and him alone that were going to "let" try school for a year. I thought he would go to either morning or afternoon Kindergarten and I could teach the others then. But now that they all are going, I must say, WOOHOO!
This is all new to us. Only Greta has gone to school before, she attended nursery school, one of those drop them off and turn right around and pick them up types of deals, a couple mornings a week. It was cute and she liked it. I always have approved of nursery school, if a family has the luxury of it being just for fun and not for needed Childcare, it can be precious! the little songs, the little chairs, the camaraderie-- very sweet. It was school proper that I had and have huge reservations about, and still do.
So....why? Why now? What is this about? Defeat? Failure? Quitting? New Baby? Toddlers on crack and Mama a near-dead dishrag not capable of "teaching" anyone anything except how to swear and how to look 10 years older each morning? Exciting new adventure? New chapter in our lives? The Time Is Right? A terrible deconstruction and collapse of everything we believe in due to post partum depression and non-existent recovery from my c section of EIGHT weeks ago? No no yes yes who knows....but they are excited and I always said that we would "reassess each fall to see if this was still right for us" (Homeschooling) and this year no it isn't.
Oh, its all of that and more-- but the mood is excitement, and the luxury of not having to do this is palpable. I am still a stay at home Mom. I still have a 2 year old and a 8 week old, a household to manage and kids who will be home at 3. I don't see any Bon-Bons or hours of TiVo'ed Oprah in my near future. but it IS weird! Oh god this is weird.
So here are some background tidbits:
My mother in law cleans the home of a counselor at the school and i am supposed to call her and she will "make sure my kids are okay". Cool! I have lots of questions for her.
We are putting Greta in 5th grade, which she is totally ok with. She technically should be going into 6th grade, but we have been reassured that there are plenty of kids in 5th grade who will be 11 years old and quite a few folks have told us that this is a great decision. We didn't want her going from home directly into Middle School, if you don't understand why, maybe your middle school was different than mine was, but um, it isn't elementary school, that's for sure. From the academic standpoint to the social ones, she isn't ready for that and she knows it and we know it and so all three children will be going to the little elementary school right around the corner, together, for one year.
Mickey is going into 3rd and Casey is going into Kindergarten. I found out that they only have full day Kindergarten now and I was quite disappointed, I think that is "alot" for a little one, and yet...after lunch it is rest time and then before you know it they are home. And if any kid could handle it, its Casey. So they will all be gone, from 8ish to 3ish.
I am going to have a super duper snack ready for them when they get home, and will help them with all of their homework, I will walk them there and pick them up whenever it is decent weather or they don't want me to, maybe Ill be on the PTA?!
My mom helped us a bit with buying them some "School clothes" (ah the zillions of benefits of homeschooling..sigh..) but they still need so much stuff, the supplie list is long and they need check ups and vision tests and lunchboxes and backpacks and shoes and...
For now I am not going to change the name of the blog. I feel that the essence of Homeschooling IS love, and although my love for my children is larger than the universe itself, our household is exhausted, stressed out, chaotic and cross, and I am stepping down from the one thing I feel the strongest about in all of my "causes"-- raising and teaching and learning alongside my little ones. It is humbling and sad but I also have no interest in doing anything else right now--no choice, really--my "tank" is empty, below empty, I am a cardboard facade of a mother and they need projects and field trips and lessons and adventures; so I will try really hard to focus on the fact that I am so so lucky that they are happy about this and that we live in such a nice and sweet little town with such a nice school so close by.
16 comments:
Joy,
I have been wanting to hear about this for a long time. After our last conversation I figured that this might be the route you decided on, and I do have a pretty good idea of how you feel. I, too, feel sad and a bit like a failure for sending Josh this year, but I also am relieved beyond measure that he'll be getting what he needs while I get a bit of a break. If there is anyone who is totally in your corner on the deep soul-searching and family shake-up involved in this decision, it is me. Believe me!
Oh, and SOMEDAY we'll catch each other and get to have another chat, though I'll try not to keep you for 2 hours this time! :)
Whew, what a load this must be off your shoulders. I love homeschooling too, but man, in your situation I think I would have come to the same decision. I think this will be good for everybody. And if not, well, you can always undo it. :)
You seem to have such a great instinct for what is best for your family and such great courage to follow your heart. I think it will be a great lesson and adventure for your kids. Homeschooling is amazing when you have a full tank- as you put it-but so draining when you don't. You're smart to know your limits. I will be interested to see how this year goes.
You know Joy, this sounds like a perfect decision for your family right now. Really, the neighborhood you're in, the close-knit ties you're forming, the school being so close...and then the crazy postpartum recovery you've been having...basically this seems like it will be so great for everyone! I didn't know that your new town was like this. How great! (I am finding more and more families on my new street, so I hope we can get kids to play together a lot).
It's funny--I had this feeling/thought for a while about your kids going to public school (as in, "hmmmm, I wonder if Joy would send her kids to school this next year"). But I didn't want to ask about it yet, since I didn't want to seem like I was trying to suggest you should or should not do something. So anyway, keep us updated with how your kids like school!
Joy, it sounds like you have all made the decision that will be best for the whole family. The new neighborhood sounds idyllic, and it sounds like your kids are excited! Good for you for knowing what you and your loved ones need.
Now, I'm one of those mamas who in theory would love to be a homeschooler...but I think I'd be committed long before they learned anything LOL. So...instead I'm counting the minutes until the girls get dropped at 8:15 tomorrow morning for the first day of the year!
hey we all know that wasn't a decision you took lightly. i gotta admit i was worried about you, i keep reading about how you're struggling physically and you have no real support around you and i kept thinking man, the school year is about to start this is gonna be hard(!)
but you're a great mom and you listen to your instincts:)
Doing the exact same thing this year. And it's absolutely breaking my heart. He leaves me for the very first time EVER in less than two weeks and it's making me physically ill to think of the ideals crashing into the muck. I've been planning to homeschool my children....well. Forever. And the worst of it is feeling like all the naysayers are looking at me thinking "I knew she'd never pull it off" and wanting to say all the reasons we chose (CHOSE!!!) to not continue this year.
Sigh.
I'm with you.
Good for you. So much of parenting is ballencing all our "ideals" with reality. Sometimes what is truely best for our family doesn't fit our own ideal of perfection.
I was homeschooled and I went to public high school. They both have their pros and cons, but a happy, healthy homelife counts most of all IMO.
I love your honesty.
I think you will find many positive things about the public school system, not the least of which will be the families you meet who will become friends and helpers - not only for your kids but for you.
Best wishes to you this school year on your new adventure; and I hope you start to feel better soon.
Now that Josh has gone back to school, and we've technically started our homschool with Matt, I must admit that I've toyed with the idea of sending Matt, too. I feel such a sense of relief with Josh being so well taken care of while I get a much-needed break. I'm hoping that this toying stemmed from the fact that I've just been completely on my own with all 4 for 8 LONG days. It was NOT easy, and honestly I wouldn't have minded giving them all away at times.
I like what Angi said about homeschooling being terrific when you've got a full tank, and not so much when you don't. I just hope yours (and mine) fill back up quickly.
Joy!!! It's abundantly clear that your love for your children is larger than the universe itself. And you will always be their teacher. Guess what though, the way you describe life in your neighborhood is so similar to what I like about ours, including the presence of a nice little neighborhood public school *right there*. :)
I am very much into living in a community of humane scales and proportions.
Sure, public schooling will have its own challenges, but you've still got your kids from 3 pm to bedtime and as a seasoned home schooler, you'll know how to fill it productively and you'll be rested and organized enough to do so! It's perfect! Our Gabriel has been school-schooled since age three, but the amount of stuff he learns from us every day still puts him way ahead of other kids whose parents possess --umm-- less zest for the life of the mind, so to say ;-) I have no doubt your children will remain curious and eager learners and independent thinkers thanks to what you have given and will continue to give them.
I am really glad for you that your gang has taken to the idea so readily! The load off you will be much needed and I absolutely believe you when you say the mere thought feels luxurious.
I am very interested in keeping the lines of communication wide open about the experience and challenge of thoughtfully raising public schooled children. I know it can be done, it must be done, we have no choice. It would be awesome to share the journey with you!
Thank you God and everyone--what you all have written is pretty much what I dreamed of and fantasized about, but did not expect.
And Judit and Kelley and Chantelle (CNH), we must keep this dialogue going, because I am already freaked out of my mind about this, the panicky thoughts and fears and painful guilty and sad feelings are really messin with me right now. I have NOBODY to talk to about this stuff, even if you want it to be right here on this blog, or we could even start an email loop or something?
Let me know.
I'm game for whatever! Let's do it. I'm neither a SAHM nor a mother of many, nor a former home schooler like you, Kelley and Chantel... But maternal guilt, I have with abundance! And I value every minute with my children as a teaching and learning opportunity. Only the minutes are too scant and precious :(
Sorry Chantelle for misspelling your name! and any other inaccuracies LOL
Hey Joy= I e mailed you as requested when I got back but, several of my emails apparently haven't "landed" --I placed a couple of phone calls to folks I'd e mailed and they said they didn't get anything from me....so. You DO have someone to talk with about this, my dear. I'm here anytime.....
I can understand feeling conflicted about your decision and nervous and scared...it's all a big unknown out there but, when Ben started teaching in the public schools, he went through a bunch of the same stuff. He felt as though he was living a lie--teaching other folks' kids while keeping his own at home--and he didn't really feel comfortable in that system; he's always taught in private schools BUT once he was in and working; he began to see ( as I have seen among birthing families ) far more similarities and things to like; than the opposite. I agree with the idea that you will be creating community and finding friends and people to help and for you to help ( and I think you're the kind of person who needs both ) and be "part" of. We all have to create our "tribe", especially when our families of origin just don't work for us.....we have to put out a line and begin to reach out and create new connections. You're very, very good at doing that; you're open and "right there" and people will ( and do ) see that. Your kids are little wonders, every one of them; they are going to do well.
When Stephen started taking his University classes, I had a lot of trepidation about how well it would all work for him; he has always been homeschooled and we "graduated" him a year early so, everyone else was older than he was. He did beautifully and all the "what ifs" and "But,but,and what abouts..." all evaporated into thin air. Emma is starting in January, also a year early, and Stephen is taking a couple of her classes with her so she'll have a "mentor". That's the foundation our homeschooling creates when our kids are young; your kids are already there! They have that foundation. All will be well.
Joy, I had to come to the same conclusion for my family this fall. I decided the day BEFORE school started. My SO and I are separating and I just knew it would be better for my son in the public school system (I am still mourning!). My son LOVES school and everything about it!
I know it's hard. But, it's best for the whole family that is what's most important. You are a great mom!
Cheers
Christen
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