Hooray for my county,the internet and kindred friendship

I hate to JINX anything, but I think I might have a little precious real and living tribe and village now.

Homeschool Park Day was an overwhelming success yesterday. SO many beautiful families showed up, so many new faces/but familiar names from our Yahoo group. Chills! Thrills!

I arrived 15 minutes "late" for the 12 noon start time (usually we go around 1130), and immediately saw a large cluster of women and kids and babies with blankets and strollers all set up in the shade. My heart lept as I thought to myself, calm down, that can't be them--but it was them! I saw a little boy we know and I asked him where his mom was and he pointed over to the large group. AWESOME!

I got over to them, and spread out my own blanket. I was worried about the location they chose, as it was not really near either of the large play structures that Charlie wants to go on. I was worried that I would miss all the cool conversations while I was gone with Charlie, but he was really subdued for a while. He sat in his stroller (I am not kidding) and ate his little cheese and cheerios while I got introduced all 'round as "This is Tall Joy! The one who started the Roll Call!" and everyone was so nice and gracious and funny.

(I started a huge string of responses on our list as a result of me making an embarassing mistake and not remembering who the nice lady was that I hung out with for over an hour last week...I asked for a roll call which was a request for everyone to say their name and kids' names and where they harken from and we got SO many responses! Yay me and my feeble memory!)

A few of the women were so cool/nice/normal that I would have had them over to the house right then and there. there was such a distinct LACK of attitudes, such a niceness...and believe me, it is rare rare rare.

I have to back up a bit and tell you something about myself that I knew but did not acknowledge until this summer. I have not had a circle of women friends who were raising young children since Greta was little and in preschool, in 2000 and 2001, in Grosse Pointe.

From summer 2001 to Last August, I was a completely depressed lonely island of a woman. As a result, I clung desperately to my husband, and not in a good way. More in a "no you cant go out, not ever cuz' I am neeeeeeedy kind of way" Living in a city and county that made me feel like I was a circus leper for living the life I live, I pulled out of life, in a way. I pulled out of the world of meeting new friends, of having and keeping Mom pals, for sure. I convinced myself that I was too busy, that with three/four children my plate was full, stuff like that. the truth was, I didnt like anyone I met! I felt so snobby, so out of touch. I didnt like any kids I met. I didnt like what people seemed to be into where I lived, and I just stayed home. I blamed homeschooling, and thought often about what a hard decision it was to choose homeschooling at the expense of me ever having daytime friends again. I thought all the mommies and kids were now in school-world. I contemplated enrolling one of my kids in some kind of daycare just to meet people, but then the idea of starting a new friendship, and dealing with the attitudes and ideas and philosophies of the local families just overwhelmed me, exhausted me, and so I just didnt bother. I felt an immense kindred in the idea of the Feminist Mystique and of the isolation of motherhood. I became vaguely obsessed with the idea that "cool" cities such as Seattle, Vancouver, Portland, Austin were where I belonged. I would have settled for Ann Arbor. Anything. Anywhere.

I had cool pals whom I saw in the evenings. Mostly childless, we watched TV and movies, played games, had a beer. But when morning came, I was WAY alone again. I resigned myself to the thought that this was how it was now. So sad!

I was on a few homeschool lists, but again, I knew that I didnt want to bother meeting the people. I didnt like what they had to say on the yahoo lists, I didnt like their philosophies, their attitudes, or anything about any of it, really. Again, the guilt. I talked a good game about socialization, but my kids really didnt play with hardly any other kids. I dont think they suffered any damage from it, but I did want something different, more.

So
we moved to a new city, in a new county last summer. everything is different here. Lest you think this is about climbing a social ladder, it is and it isnt. The county I was in has plenty of money, and there are many small modest homes in the county I live in now. But its so, so different. Anything else I type will verge on being offensive or misconstrued as snobbery or something that it is not. Areas have different attitudes. This is not something I invented, nor am I going to feel badly about getting to a place where some kindred are.

And now, after about a year, we really really have got some real life progressive families who are awesome to begin to forge ties with. Families where I would not cringe at the thought of Steve meeting the dad. Families where the kid is as loveable as the mom. Women (and men!) who have not only heard of midwives, but have used one and might even want to become one. Rainbow bumper stickers (and porch flags, and tattoos, and shirts....) not even garnering a second glance. Homeschooling commonplace, and not even because the schools "suck".

Its different here. And I have friends now. The change is palpable and the results are contagious. So, so glad.