price of living outside the (soap)box

I touched upon this today on one of my homeschool lists I belong to, and now I want to write a bit more:

I graduated high school in 1992. The further away I get from 1992, the more confident I feel in making decisions that are outside of the box, against the grain, best for me and my family.

I was thinking about what a huge enormous deal it was for us to even contemplate some of the things that are no-biggies now: Becoming vegetarians, Homeschool, Homebirth. Why did it seem SO scary to do these things that we knew we were going to do, what were our fears based on, how much of all of that fear came from 16 years of schooling, of authority figures telling me what's what?

What are we afraid of? Rejection? Responsibilty? What others will think, what Mom will think, what the neighbors will think, how will we "handle" questions at holiday time, are we willing to shoulder the responsibility that comes with taking more control of our lives and our childrens' lives than we have to, than is curretly in vogue?

It is so common for schooled kids to have problems that we don't even bat an eye, but what about when homeschooled kids have problems? Yikes yikes yikes, right?

It is incredibly common for people who eat a Standard American Diet to have health issues, but what if vegetarians have health issues? Yikes yikes yikes, right?

It is more common even still for hospital birthing mothers and babies to have calvalcades of unwarranted invasive unnecessary and frequently dangerous interventions, avoidable infections, surgical procedures, being bullied and cajoled into strange and unwise practices with very questionable outcomes, but what about when a homebirth ends up less than perfect? I'm not talking life and death here, I'm talking about a little aspirated mucus, a slight fever, a touch of jaundice, or maybe transferring to hospital during or after the birth---Yikes yikes yikes! You almost died! Sheesh.

Are we actually ashamed of our choices, or is being shy or reticent or false-modest just a part of our ingrained upbringing? Are we so afraid of "offending others who live a different lifestyle" that we sell our own happiness short? Can it really be offensive to others for me to proclaim I LOVE HOMESCHOOLING AND AM SO DAMN ECSTATIC THAT MY KIDS DONT GO TO SCHOOL THAT I CAN SCARCELY CONTAIN MYSELF! Can it really be offensive to others for me to proclaim I WOULD RATHER EAT A TURD SANDWHICH THAN GET WITHIN A 1/2 MILE RADIUS OF ANY OBSTETRICIAN WHEN I AM GIVING BIRTH!

What if we do offend someone? Does the Earth cease to rotate? Is it really our problem? Why and when did it become part of doing things outside of the status quo to be quiet about it, also?

Did you know that at family gatherings, especailly on my husband's side, no one EVER, and I mean EVER asks how my kids are doing in school? They never ever mention homeschool, they carefully avoid discussing their own kids' schooling, and they have to be fake surprised everytime we mention the activities we are involved in, and mumble "Oh, thats good, thats good at least."

???????????????????

Did you know that no one ever, and I mean EVER discussed Casey's homebirth, ever? Even when he was a newborn baby, not a word! I have had to sit through many meal-time discussions of so-and-so got induced, and so-and-so had a c-section, and so-and-so's epidural didnt take, but me, nothing. Its wierd. They think "we took a horrible bizarre risk and got real damn lucky." End of story.

Steve and I knew that if we chose to homeschool, it would go like this: If the kids turn out great, we got lucky. If the kids turn out badly, its from homeschooling.

We also knew that if chose to have a baby at home, it would go like this: If the birth went well, we got very lucky. (Most folks' adoration of Obstetricians falls even higher than that of Teachers) If the birth did not go perfectly perfectly smoothly, (even though they probably never met a single live woman whose hospital birth did, but they wouldnt recognize a normal birth because it is such an anomaly nowadays) we are the worlds most horrible people and homebirth is to blame.

If the teachers weren't there for your kid, well, hey, they are trying their best, they are over crowded, they are underpaid, they only have $6000 per child to work with (If I had $500 per kid, oh boy dont get me started what we could "do"!) and so on.

If the OB's weren't there for you during pregnancy, if they didn't remember your first name, kept vital information away from you, blew off all of your questions, disregarded your safety, your sanity, your dignity, your rights, your health, well, hey, they are trying their best, they are overcrowded, they are underpaid, they only charged you $19,000 for the birth, what do you want, a midwife? What did you expect, prenatals in your own home that last 2 hours or more, someone to call on the phone and chitty chat with? Someone to rub your back and make you a chocolate ginger molasses cake? Someone to visit you on day 1, 2, 4 and 7? someone to let you borrow videos of real births, someone to answer your questions honestly? Someone who wants the same things that you want for your family and your baby? Someone to order pizza for you and wash your dishes and laundry? Someone who is determined to protect the integrity of your mind and body above all else? Someone to watch your kids if your water breaks so you can go to a movie with your hubby to take your mind off the clock-watching?

I have been so pissed off by this whole "LUCKY" thing, for so long now, but I know that it is just another by-product of the kind of mentality that is bred by the schooling we all endured. Authorities and Institutions have all the answers, their way is the safe way, to go against that is naughty, risky, and wierd. To take responsibility for your own life and to question what you are spoon-fed will only lead to trouble. Repeat. Mindlessly get in line at your local institution and do what they say. If it goes badly, well, its not their fault. They are overcrowded and underpaid. If you wanted personal attention well, then maybe you need to lay off the peace pipe cuz there ain't no such thing.